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Comments from During Colonoscopies

posted 11/13/2007 5:46:18 PM |
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tagged: medical, joke

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.... . A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of all..

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

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Nov 13 @ 5:51PM  
"Find a good parking space yet?"

Nov 13 @ 5:55PM  
"I swear I left my keys around here somewhere."

Nov 13 @ 5:58PM  
"Put your ear there,you may just hear the ocean.."

Nov 13 @ 6:01PM  
Wasn't #5 on Dayna's list of old laws...... lol
I like # 13.

These were good, PK.

Nov 13 @ 6:04PM  
"Ask the attendant for a free donkey ride to the bottom."

Nov 13 @ 6:06PM  
When I had my vasectomy, it was taking a long time so I wondered if the plumbing was one tube that branched out and he was working on the singular tube above the fork in Semen Canal so I asked him hoping that he didn't have to finish this part of the procedure then move to Tube B.

He laughed and said "You wish!".

Nov 13 @ 6:06PM  
"Right there.....Right there.......yes!!! Yes!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!"

Nov 13 @ 6:07PM  
"Right there.....Right there.......yes!!! Yes!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!"


"Thanks, doc. Ever serve time?"

"Gee, it opens wider than Lord of the Rings."

Nov 13 @ 6:28PM  

OMG!! Those were funny!

Nov 13 @ 6:43PM  
Thanks Chrissy. New to me and funny, Two rarities here equals a kudo.

My favorite that I will use when being examined is "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!", but I will substiture Kermit the Frog for Muppet.

Nov 13 @ 6:54PM  
A few years ago, I had to have about six moles removed from my back! Doc says: "I'm going to need to cut a little deep on these moles to get all of them out completely" So I said: that's ok doc, long as I don't look like a lawn sprinkler when I drink something!

Ummm, not a good idea to joke like that when the doc is laughing with a very sharp scalpel in his hand!


Nov 13 @ 7:14PM  
"Ask the attendant for a free donkey ride to the bottom."

I lol'd

Nov 13 @ 8:28PM could make my embarassing comment as I was coming out of the fog. The Dr. (of east Indian decent) evidently was attempting to give me some sort of follow up instructions when I responded with "speak English I can't understand you".

Not exactly the way to make a friend now is it

Nov 13 @ 9:12PM  
SOS--We heard all about your colonoscopies................and how embarassed the doctor was when he finally asked you to stop asking him to kiss your owie...........

Nov 13 @ 11:16PM  

Nov 13 @ 11:20PM  
"No dinner first?"

Nov 14 @ 12:03AM  
I've actually had two colonoscopies in my life.

With the drugs they gave me beforehand, I don't remember a single thing from "this will make you a little drowsy" to (speaking to my ride) "you ARE going to be driving him home, right?"

I suspect the most intelligent thing I said while under was "wha.....??"

Nov 14 @ 1:25AM bum hurts...are you sure that's just a camera....

Nov 14 @ 9:11AM  
LMFAO....Very funny Crissy and a kudo for you.

Nov 14 @ 11:42AM  
lol....thanks for the laughs!

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Comments from During Colonoscopies