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A Scenario

posted 11/7/2007 8:08:55 AM |
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  Sierra_rose

Say you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have been arguing for the past week and you finally decide to have it "out" one night at home. There is a lot of name calling, yelling, screaming, etc..... but what do you do when it turns worse....say some physical action is involved, like one person gets hit.

What do you do?
1. Never talk to them again
2. Forgive them because they say they will never do it again
3. ????????

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Comments:

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rnj1013

Nov 7 @ 8:18AM  
Walk away
zena343

Nov 7 @ 8:21AM  
Actually run, don't walk!! It never stops at just one hit. There will be more and there will be worse. No matter which one is getting hit. Whether it be the man or the woman doing the hitting!! As we all know it is not only women who get beat.
MsHelle

Nov 7 @ 8:28AM  
as Zena said - RUN, don't walk!! If you still have items in the house, get the police/sheriff to help you get your stuff or if it's your home, to have the person removed so they can't try to get physical again.
Wordsofwit

Nov 7 @ 8:36AM  
I go along with the other three commentators and all the others that follow as I think it will be unanimous.
scotsavant

Nov 7 @ 8:39AM  
In the first place, yelling, screaming, name calling and the like are verbal abuse - in which, if I read your blog correctly, both parties engaged in. Later, again, if I read your blog correctly, physical abuse comes into play.

First, no person has the right to inflict abuse, especially physical abuse, against another. Whether it is the female slapping the male, or worse, or it is the male hitting the female, or worse, it is abuse. Beyond that, it is assault. There are laws against that which afford SOME protection. But, they only afford protection from the offended party if, and only if, authorities are called in and a report is filed.

Beyond that, in MOST cases, a person who envokes physical abuse of any kind against another has a psychological problem that will surface again and again unless s/he gets psychological help. While there are a few - a very few - instances when this abuse will never happen again, in most (high 90%tile) cases, it will again come to the surface.

An abused person who returns to an abusive relationship for any reason also has a psychological problem which will, in the long run, put s/he in danger time after time after time.

The short answer, perhaps one you DON'T want to hear, is that the abused person MUST distance him or herself as far from the abuser as possible. No physical contact, even in crowds should happen. Move on. A person's safety and sanity are the most important thing to protect in a situation such as this.

An even shorter answer? Give up, get out, grow up, and move on. If there's any further abuse, you would be as much to blame as the abuser!
slohand_47

Nov 7 @ 8:52AM  
3. In a calmer moment end the relationship. Hitting is NEVER justifiable. Then get a little counseling to learn how to communicate better with others. It takes 2 to argue.
One very simple and effective technique is..... the first time someone raises their voice..... Just say...... Lets take a 10 minute break, cool off and collect our thoughts, and discuss this calmly. Repeat as often as needed. Anyone who can't learn this discussion technique really isn't worth being around.
debisme

Nov 7 @ 9:05AM  
I don't know it all..But I find if you start out fighting with the Name calling and Screaming...You are not going to get any where.. But WORSE...And nothing can be fixed...I would never listen to anyone if they were screaming at me...and if the name calling was the start of it...That would have been my first move to the DOOR...Cause as you see nothing can be worked out after you start doing that to each other..Just goes on and on...Hope you BOTH learn to TALK to each other...OR it just stays the SAME....Always a NEW way of Dealing with the FRIEND.....
sepsl45677

Nov 7 @ 9:13AM  
Sounds like the relationship is ending, or at the very least, in deep trouble. You need some time away from each other.
patrick2369

Nov 7 @ 9:18AM  
no one should ever be abused. Emotionally or Physically.
RUN, RUN, & RUN.
Also get a restraining order.
Once a hitter ALWAYS A HITTER!!!
Be safe rather than sorry.
azvagabond

Nov 7 @ 9:25AM  
No person should have to strike another, except in self-defense. No man should ever strike a woman except in EXTREME self-defense, and then only to remove the immediate threat.

Yelling can be therapeutic - sometimes you have to listen to the loud stuff to hear what is really being said. Name calling, on the other hand, benefits no one and often leads to the physical confrontation.

In this specific situation, you should remove yourself and report it immediately. As for the aftermath, legal actions etc., you can decide what to do when the emotions have gone away and you can make a rational decision. Until the situation is resolved, do NOT place yourself in the position of being alone with the other person.

Good luck
31sunshine

Nov 7 @ 9:30AM  
I'm going to agree with everyone here, yelling and screaming is verbal abuse. And there is never just a "one time", if someone is willing and capable of hitting someone else one time, they can and will most likely do it again.

Whoever is the one behind this scenario needs to get away, severe all ties and protect themselves.
Lisa46

Nov 7 @ 9:49AM  
there won't be any thought see ya I"m gone! Never take abuse of any kind!!!! Whether it is physical or verbal or demeaning! Sorry our hearts will heal we only have one life. Walk away and don't look back
DeDe54

Nov 7 @ 9:58AM  
Run don't walk!!!!!!!!! They hit one time, they will do it again!!
Dominus

Nov 7 @ 10:11AM  
Unless both people agree to go to a counselor and resolve the issue then the relationship should end right then, right there. Hitting in a relationship is like loosing your virginity. You can promise to stay celibate, but you can never take it back. What's done is done.

The only way to move on from that is to both seek help to get resolution and closure.

Of course many people on here are right. If you do feel threatened in any way you shouldn't be in the presence of that person. It's time not only to try and find aid, but to get away.
six3indallas

Nov 7 @ 10:23AM  
Forget, for a moment, that (and I'm assuming here that he did the hitting) one hit the other. Forget, for a moment, the name calling and shouting.

Fast forward a few years. Engagement. Marriage. Kids.

Now, factor the yelling, screaming and hitting back in. Chances are it won't have stopped during all of the above.

Do you really want to take the chance that this behavior would be transferred to the kids? It almost always is. They don't call it the cycle of abuse for nothin'.

Run, do not walk. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go directly to the door.
sugarnspice005

Nov 7 @ 10:49AM  
I agree with the majority....RUN! As the others have said, "once a hitter, always a hitter". It only takes one time...and there is no excuse.

While there is some arguing in any relationship...when it escalates to screaming, verbal abuse, then physical..it's time to end it and move on.
totallytaboo

Nov 7 @ 10:54AM  
If someone can't control themselves in anger than that's the time to pack up your shit and leave. I've known a few people (mostly women) that like to get physical when the situation doesn't warrant anything that explosive at all. I couldn't imagine hitting someone I share a "relationship" with if it's not sexual play. I guess the saying- if they do it once, they'll do it again - was said for a reason.
GryGoast

Nov 7 @ 11:16AM  
I don't know about "Never" talking to them again .... but if I was "Slapped" for example ... I would, in that moment, turn around, walk away and begin the "Disengagement" process.

Come on ppl ... NO FREQIN HITTING , NO EXCUSES, ZERO TOLERANCE! We ALL learned this in pre-school. Gezzzzzz

This scenario is a great blog topic, thank you dear, (and a kudo), but I would never be in that position in the first place ...
I just would not engage with a person with "Toxic", "Player", "Chronic Victim" or "Ding-bat" tendencies. First hint... I'mmmmm outs here.


Godspeed

Master Gry

P.S. Lov the glasses thing btw
Thenewguy2957

Nov 7 @ 12:11PM  
If you hit him expecting that he wouldn't hit you back cause you're a girl or he's not the type, well you were wrong. You didn't say who hit who, I only say this because I know SOME women do hit first and then want to claim abuse if he hits back.

In either case I would say once hitting starts it's over.
DaveMaybe

Nov 7 @ 12:12PM  
Get the heck out as quick as you can if you're a woman!!! Any man who would ever hit or hurt a woman in any way is worthless!

Of course if you're a man and your wife get's pissed and hits you, hold her in your arms, take her to dinner, then take her shopping for new clothes and shoes!
Sierra_rose

Nov 7 @ 12:36PM  
ooooo...new shoes... I like that idea :)

All kidding aside... great advice people, thanks!
When I write blogs I realize I don't go too much into detail which would probably make answering this better so here is a little more:

Lets say in the scenario the guy hit the girl, the girl didn't provoke anything but it was all the guys doing... with the yelling, screaming etc.... the girl may have said some curse words but nothing verbally abusive.
dmbradley1978854

Nov 7 @ 12:40PM  
Someone that loves someone else wouldn't hit that person in an aggressive(not sexual) manner. Keep that in mind.
Hotlovin69

Nov 7 @ 12:43PM  
YES !!! You do need to get out and never get back with that person again. Once it turns physical it will only lead to more violent attacks. Get the police involved to get charges pressed against that person also.
allforyou999

Nov 7 @ 12:55PM  
If any hitting goes on, its time to walk away. Don't and I repeat even think twice.

Be safe
DaveMaybe

Nov 7 @ 1:07PM  
Any guy should understand and be patient if a woman yells and screams at him. Any guy who does this to a woman is capable of anything so watch yourself. Check hiis parents quick and see what kind of environment he was in while growing up! Don't ever again let it escalate.

Let me know when you're ready to go shoe shopping. You model and I'll tell you which pair looks best on your feet! You of course have to take them off when we get home...

(x/o),
Dave
featherone

Nov 7 @ 1:17PM  
my advise is, run dont look back! ive been in a marige for 10 years, when he first hit me he told me he was sooo sorry, but he did it again and again he figured i stayed with him so he kept doing it! he will not change your young and there are men who will treat you better! good luck jan
DoIDetectAHIntOfTuna

Nov 7 @ 1:22PM  
Wow! If the argument got to name calling, that's pretty bad. I have called my ex some odd names, but never during an argument.

However, when the relationship gets physically violent, I'm out. I haven't hit a woman in anger since the 5th grade because I am capeable of arguing like an adult. However, I am not going to tolerate her hitting me. There is a trust factor that is lost once that starts happening. The relationship ends there.
scotsavant

Nov 7 @ 1:34PM  
OK...you asked for feedback. You got feedback.

Now, I think we all want to know, What are you going to do about it???
NightOfOld

Nov 7 @ 1:55PM  

If they hit you once, they'll do it again. Any man who would hit a Woman.
In my book he is not a Man. He is scum. Walk away and don't look back.
38decentmale38

Nov 7 @ 1:59PM  
Verbal abuse isnt good, but physical is really not good. If it happens once, it more than likely will happen again. Sure there could a be a one time thing, but Physical abuse seems to me to be about power and control. A relationship is about equal respect and sharing equally. Abuse is not being respectful. Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are without making them conform by abuse.
max49

Nov 7 @ 2:32PM  
A man should never hit a woman no matter the reason. Get out now while you still can. It will only get worse.
BuddhaDon

Nov 7 @ 2:38PM  
I'm cheating and not reading the other comments, except your own... On the latter choice, the aggressor needs to leave the relationship. The best rule to follow is that, if it happens once, then it will happen again. Depending on the nature of the incident, the aggressor might need to report himself/herself to the proper authorities. Perhaps this is as idealistic as your new pictures. I'm teasing. You and I both know that you're a great looking woman to say the least. But buy the way, it takes two to tango.
Sierra_rose

Nov 7 @ 4:01PM  
Guess I better buy some running shoes tonight
31sunshine

Nov 7 @ 7:43PM  
Regardless of who did the hitting, it's never ok. It's never ok to verbally abuse another. Definately buy some running shoes and put them to good use.
sexathome

Nov 7 @ 8:34PM  
hitting is definitely out.... no reason to ever put up with that... ever...

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A Scenario