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My mom may be getting married after years of being alone

posted 11/6/2007 7:20:21 PM |
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tagged: life, straddle

I haven't been on here for a few days, been busy with so many changes in my life....some good, some bad. I learned almost two weeks ago that my mom may be marrying some time in the spring. She may be marrying a friend of her's and the family for over 40 years. I have known this guy all my life and he recently lost a wife of 40 years. My mom was already engaged to my father when they met in college and she introduced him to his wife, and it had lasted all these years until his wifed passed on back on August 25 this year. My father passed away back in Dec.of '69, and my mom has been alone since. No dating, not interest in any guy, no nothing till now. "Doug's" family was concered for him since his passing of his wife and a few of them who knew my mom just wanted her to check on him and his well-being. They started hanging out with each other for roughly a week and my mom made it very clear that there was nothing to it and it was innocent. I hadn't thought anything about it, they had been friends for all these years even before I was even born so I thought that she was just looking out for him. A week later she told me it's more than friendship now and they're dating. She told me that he's been going around telling people that he's getting married in the spring, which was news to her. But I think she likes that idea however. I no my mom's happiness is what matters, and she has always put me and my sister first all these years, and she deserves to move on with her happiness. I just feel like everything has moved real fast after his wife's passing two months ago. With all the changes going on in my life (being in a relationship for the first time in years, having my mom involved with someone, and my aunt moving with her husband after 30 years in the same house because she has some health problems, and having a daughter in my life coming to me for everything under the sun) it's getting a little scary now. I have cut off Tash with money right now and I have second thoughts about letting her move in with me if she ever gets in a bind anymore. She doesn't like rules, and from what I have learned about with laws in this state, even if you have someone as a guest in your own home and they bring their stuff whether or not they pay any bills or not, you can't just throw them out. It would take a regular eviction to do that and that could take up to 30 to 90 days. I don't think this law is right, too much government interferrence in your life with your guest and all. To be honest, not sure what I would do if and when the time came to help Tash out with a roof over her head. She's stubborn like me, but it's that rules thing she won't follow. I can see her being a little spiteful after helping her out and her wearing out her welcome. Getting back to my mom. Am I overreacting to the time frame on how fast this has happened after the passing of "Doug's" wife?

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Nov 6 @ 7:28PM  
I forgot to mention. Doug has two adult children as well.

Nov 6 @ 7:44PM  
All I can say is "glad I'm not you". I have been keeping up with your blogs, dang, I hope things improve for you soon.

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Nov 6 @ 7:48PM  
It's not really that bad. Just everything going too fast for my liking, especially with what's going on with my mom now. I'm glad she's happy, but I just want her to slow down some.

Nov 6 @ 7:50PM  
Here's two people that need someone in their lives! I wouldn't worry about it! Not like they're strangers!

As for your daughter well, I hope that works out for the best for the both of you! Maybe try to sit down with her and find out the reasons for her neglecting rules? Sounds like she needs some guidance while in your house! But, that's just me and JMO Shawn!

If my daughter were ever to divorce, I would immediately allow her to stay with me including my grandkids. She helped me out for awhile! But of course, these are different circumstances!

I wish you luck my friend!

Psssst... Sounds like your mom and her friend are happy!


Nov 6 @ 7:52PM  
It's never easy but I wouldn't stress on Mom's stuff too much.. hope they will be happy!

As for the daughter.. darlin I dunno what to tell ya.

Nov 6 @ 7:54PM  
Not to bad!! Are you crazy, what else do you want to happen,,,an emergency root canal?

Nov 6 @ 7:55PM  
Your Mom and her Friend know something we don't due to both of them losing spouses. Life Is Short, Don't Waste A Second!!!

Nov 6 @ 7:58PM  
yano......sometimes ya meet someone and ya just know right?? guess ya kinda have to trust her instincts........

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Nov 6 @ 8:00PM  
WC, nah, it really isn't that bad. Just have my hands full with my mom, Kim, and Tash all at once. Kim loves me, but she hates this place because there's not a lot of good paying jobs here, and everything is happening all at once where you fix one thing and there's another issue going on. I can't catch a breather or anything. It'll all work out, just need some advice and vent a little on here.

Nov 6 @ 8:02PM  
Advice, Hell, you need at least a valium

Nov 6 @ 8:18PM  
Your mom is an adult...

Did you know that widowed men are the ultimate prize to single ladies out there... Yep.

Because they have been in relationships and know how to be a partner...

They say that people are friend with people to whom they are attracted to.

There is really only one question to ask:

Does this man make your mom happy? if yes, there is no issue.

(pssst when my dad remarried 20 years ago... both him and my stepmom had pre-nup agreements done)


and good luck with all your stress....

I know it's tough...

Nov 6 @ 8:36PM  
My father remarried within 6 months of my mothers death. He stayed married to that woman until he died. They say it is common for a man to be in a relationship soon after the passing of his spouse. If they are happy, be happy for them!!

Nov 6 @ 8:40PM  
Don't even worry about your Mom~~she deserves to be happy if she's been alone since cool!

Nov 6 @ 9:03PM  
Just be happy for her...she's old enough to know what she's doing...move on to a REAL yer love life.

Letting people use you is BAD!! Don't be a schmuck.

Nov 6 @ 9:12PM  
Shawn, it's not like your mom and him are strangers and don't know anything about the other. Life is short, and sometimes when people get older they get married more for just companionship then anything else. But maybe it's more. If so, I'm happy for them. As long as she's happy, does it really matter?
I've often heard of widowed men getting married soon after losing their wife. That's the life they know and are comfortable with.
As for Tashia, I think a long, serious one on one talk with her might be something to consider. No interuptions. And then go from there......Good luck..
You just vent anytime you feel the need to. A lot of us are right here to listen and help if we can... that's part of being a friend.....

Nov 6 @ 9:32PM  
sounds to me like mom is maybe finally happy??? Wish her luck and let her know you love her Kim yeah understandable, Tash is a different story daughters know how to use dads But that is JMO looks like you got alot of them here hon. goodluck in decisions

Nov 6 @ 9:45PM  
You have a full plate don't ya?

Makes me glad my life is boring right now.

Your mom..if she's happy with "Doug" happy for her..even if you feel it's "too fast". As for your daughter...I wish you all the luck in the world. Do what you feel is best for her and yourself.

Ok...I'm off to whine about the weather now.


Nov 6 @ 10:32PM  

Shawn my friend; I am very happy for your Mom.
But I also wish nothing but the best for you and
hope all goes good for you.

Nov 7 @ 12:10AM  
Shawn, my great uncle remarried 5 months after my aunt died. They had spent 49 happy years together and he married one of their oldest friends who had been a widow for some time. They are also very happy. Just my opinion but if they make each other happy I wouldn't worry about mom! As long as they are happy and he is good to her.......let them have that happiness! Life is just too damn short and if she's been single that long now.........she deserves it!
As for all the other stuff going on......all I can do is wish you the best of luck.

Nov 7 @ 12:11AM  
I can appreciate your apprehension about your mom cus I think its normal to worry about those we love. I would think things are fine because she has known this guy for a long time. I hope your daughter realizes there are limits to what she can get away with. Youth and selfcenteredness seem to go hand in hand limits have to be set...I wish you all the best...I hope this doesn't get you down...there's not much we can do about other people...just love them and hope for the best...

Nov 7 @ 4:19AM  
As people get older they know their minds far more quickly. They have experience to draw on. My mum was married 44 years and her second husband was married 49. They met and within three months they knew they wanted to get married. They have been together married now for 4 years and are so very happy.
Let your mum live her own life and make her own choices. I am sure she has respected you as an adult and the choices you make, support her in this and be happy for her.

Nov 7 @ 8:22AM  
Had they just met 2 months ago, I'd be saying NO NO NO. But they have known each other for 40+ years so they are not strangers. HOWEVER....... the fact that he was telling others he was getting married in the spring and it was "news to her" is a concern. I have to wonder if he was used to making the decisions in his relationship and his wife just went along? Your mom has been on her own for years and to have someone making decisions for her all of a sudden might be a relief..... or a major source of conflict. I'd talk to her about that issue.

As for your daughter..... (I know, you didn't ask)........ I knew a guy who's son was always getting in trouble and he was constantly bailing him out. Finally,he went out and bought an older mobile home and the small lot it was on, gave it to the son and told him he was on his own from here on out. Sink or swim, no more help. It's not much.... but the son is still there after 25 years. He was just putting a new roof on the mobile last month. Not saying it would work for her but it's a thought.

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My mom may be getting married after years of being alone