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The Moving in Stage --- HELP!

posted 11/2/2007 10:44:06 AM |
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tagged: sex, relationships

I've never lived with anyone I've dated so I'm in need of some advice. I haven't really been actively seeing someone, or so I thought. But apparently my "friend" who yes, I do feel a strong surge of attractive too and perhaps the feeling of a little romance has taken a genuine liking to me. I've never gone through the hassle of packing up my shit to shack up with someone. I'm afraid that if I accept the nature of our relationship will change (meaning i'll be accepted to say I heart U down the road), although, i'm not entirely opposed to leaving a house full of a bunch of drunk morons... though I LOVE those drunk morons. ;-) Will the sex change? That's my biggest concern at this point besides emotional attachments happening, but I think I'm ready at this point to explore what it means to fall for someone... I just don't want the sex to change. The reason it's so great now, I think, is because we wait to have it and have to struggle with when we'll see each other next.

Are there pro's? What are the con's????

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Nov 2 @ 10:48AM its 2 late.......

Nov 2 @ 10:49AM  
There are always pros and cons. But only you can decide what they are and if it's worth it or not to you. Good luck figuring it out.

Nov 2 @ 11:17AM  
I can only tell you my experience.

Six months before I got married, I moved in with my fiancee. At the time we did it because we didn't see the sense in my signing another 6 month lease and paying for an apt I rarely stayed in.

So I moved in. Things were great at first, but then subtly began to change. Six months later we were married, and, overnight, it all changed. It was as if an invisible veil had been lifted and suddenly all the colors changed. I cant describe it any other way.

Ten years later, we were divorced and I'm on my own again.

Will this happen to you? Don't know. But, things WILL change. There's no way they can't. Going from living separately to living with another person will create changes in your lives. Its impossible for them not too. Some will be good changes, some will be GREAT changes and others maybe not so good.

The thing you have to figure out about yourself is how you deal with changes and problems.

Do you roll with them, turning problems and potentially bad changes into new opportunities for growth and good changes or do you get frustrated and quit.

Thats pretty much what it boils down to. How do YOU react to changes. You can't control how your partner reacts, only how you do.

If you want a trial run, try taking a vacation together, staying in the same room, never leaving each other's side.

Good Luck. I hope it all works out for you.


Nov 2 @ 12:34PM  
I'm sorry, but if you are asking these questions, it is not time to be moving in yet. IF you can't say the I heart you NOW, don't do it. BIG MISTAKE!

Nov 2 @ 1:29PM  
There are pros and cons. And one will outweigh the other. It depends on you and him. How alike you are. How different you are. What you both want and how much you are both willing to compromise.
On a personal level, I can't imagine moving in with someone as a couple, that I am not in love with. But that's just me.
What ever you decide, good luck.....

Nov 2 @ 3:09PM  
Don't do it, everything will change.

Nov 2 @ 9:08PM  
If the relationship would be good if sex wasn't involved - move in. If the relationship is based mainly on sex - stay apart.

Nov 3 @ 10:05AM  
EVERYTHING changes in life. Sometimes better, sometimes worse.

When you are dating, you get together for fun stuff........ movies, sex, going out to eat, sex, social events, sex, travel, sex, etc...... and at the end of the day (or weekend) you go back to your separate homes and deal with job, housework, bills, stress, etc. The 2 are kept separate.

SO.......... when you move in together..... Married or not..... you have to mix business with pleasure and if the relationship is too new, or not strong enough yet, it puts stress on it and many times is the beginning of the end. Many men fail when moved in together because they quit "courting" her. They view moving in as the goal.... not the beginning. Women fail if they can't separate the emotions of every day stress with the romantic side of the relationship. It was easy to ignore 2 weeks of laundry and a sink full of dirty dishes IF they went out.

So....... (if you are still reading)...... before you move intogether because the sex is great........ take a good look at the person and his space. IF your best girlfriend lived in his place and had his attitudes toward life..... would she still be your best gf........ someone you could live with???

Dec 5 @ 2:28PM  
Can only speak from personal experience. The closer I get to someone the better the sex. I can't remember the name of many one night stands, and I believe the rationale behind that is the sex was just meh. The more emotion and time I invest in someone, the better the sex, but other things prop up at the same time. Jealousy,distrust, manipulation, and pathological lying usually follows the more embittered and dishonest you become with both yourself and your partner. When it works its the best thing on earth, when it doesn't well hopefully you don't stew in your own grief for too long and get over it. Good luck, but yeah sex def gets better IMHO.

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The Moving in Stage --- HELP!