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Daughter drama and car payments

posted 11/1/2007 6:10:05 PM |
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tagged: daughter, straddle

I hung up talking with my daughter a little over an hour ago. She was suppose to call me last night and never did. I thought that she might have been mad and upset with me since I put down some ground rules if she was going to move in with me such as Willie must find a job fast, they both have to pull their own weight around the house, and no friends are to hang out here at my house. The only way I will have any of her friends over here is when I'm here, and maybe one or two at the most, and we're talking about every now and then, not every day. She asked me today to "borrow" at least $100 for her car payment or the repo man will come and get it Monday. She talked with the guy who sold her the car and it seems like he's been pretty generous with Tash as letting the car payment get a little too far behind since last month (Oct.). I asked her to call him back and find out exactly how much she needs to pay before Monday. She did that and called me right back and $75 will do it for now. I'm going to be giving her that money come this weekend when she comes in. She did tell me that she hates coming to me everytime asking for money, and I told her she's my daughter and I will try to help her out when I can....and that as long as she appreciates it and not take it for granted. She said that she does appreciate it and continue to tell me that she loves me. Right now she's still staying up there at her friends house. I'm not sure how long that's going to last though. Just when I'm trying to save a little here and there for Christmas my money is spent.

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Nov 1 @ 6:30PM  
Should I not hand out the money to freely? Kim thinks I shouldn't bail her out everytime, and she's right, I shouldn't. I don't don't want to see her lose the car when she only has maybe $200-300 left to pay on it. Of course I told Tash to make sure she continues getting the receipts.

Nov 1 @ 6:31PM  

I have two teenagers that I pretty much raised for the past 7 years on my own... 19 year old boy and a girl... I layed out my rules on the table long ago and gladly they have complied.... Work and take responsibility.... No friends over when I'm not home.... I have to know where their at at all times.... no phone calls after 10:00 PM.... and so on and on and on..... Strict??? DAMN RIGHT I am.... Guidnig them to the right path and by all means possible and at my disposal... The end result... I have to great kids.... and they thanked me for it more than once... They love their father to death...It was for their own good.....

Nov 1 @ 6:37PM  
All I know to say is "Welcome to parenthood!" It's not all a bed of roses.... They are much more fun to make than to keep....

Nov 1 @ 6:47PM  
Erma Bombeck said one time that when her kids moved out of her house and took most of her furniture and kitchen stuff, brought there dirty laundry home for her to wash, called to "borrow" money, brought the kids over for free babysitting........that she would go back to the 2am feedings again and not complain.........i use to think that was funny until my children moved out...............

Just remember the parents curse.......shawn........someday you will have children that act just like you...............i laughed when my mother said it......and cried when it came true.

It will get better..........

Nov 1 @ 7:08PM  
Shawn I think you are right in line. They need to know you love them BUT They are quest in your house and you are the king and your rules are the laws of the house. I raised my oldest daughter from 13 to 19 by myself and the system works. My ex gave our twins everything and always bailed they out. I got by son at 16 because he refused to live by rules. After six months living with me, he was grad to live by Mom's rules. The system in tried and proven. Keep up the good work even when it hurts. Don't let this drive a wedge between you and Kim. After the get on their feet and move on you don't want to be left by yourself because they broke you two apart.


Nov 1 @ 7:10PM  
someday you will have children that act just like you..
Yeap. I watch my oldest grand daughter and my daughter have their little spats and I tell my daughter, "She's is her mother's daughter." with a smile of course...

In the meantime, no you shouldn't just freely hand over money or bail them out when they get into trouble. Are there No jobs around there that he could get. I mean even fast food restaurants would be better than nothing. What does he do with his time?
Just a thought but have you considered that IF they only owe about $200-300 on the car paying what you can and making that her Christmas present and maybe next B-day too?
I know she's your daughter, you love her and want to help, but just please be careful Shaun.
Good luck......

Nov 1 @ 7:43PM  
It is a tough call. The fact of the matter is that some people a simply losers and every one of them was somebody's kid. She has been the subject of a few of your blogs and you and I had some emails privately about her. What has she ever done right? Everything is what it is until proven otherwise. Perhaps her mother has already realized all of this...maybe other family members also?

Nov 1 @ 8:16PM  
I was going to give a long ass comment on here and just deleted it. I guess know one really cares how my kids are. Just there living and doing well!!

I help my kids when I can, thats all I'm saying......

Nov 1 @ 9:46PM  
Okay, I hung up with Tash again at 9pm tonight. I asked her about next weekend if she was going with Kim and I, along with Kim's son to Olive Garden for Kim's birthday treat. She asked again if Willie can come and I told her that it was an expensive place to go, like $25 a head and that that would be asking a lot. I would also like to spend it as father-daughter thing too and that I thought Willie would understand. She said let her know if we I can afford Willie too when the time comes but in the meantime she won't tell Willie about this. She doesn't want to her his feelings. She said she may still go depending on Willie's feelings about this. She went on about what she wants for Christmas and her birthday (Dec.23). She told me that she wants a Virgin cell phone with a plan for at least one month. Total cost, around $120. I told her I don't know about that. She went on about it would be nice to have a cell phone again because she's pregnant and may need one. I feel like that's emotional blackmail on her part. lol I kinda like Trease idea, maybe paying off that car for her whether she wants a cell phone or not. I told her that I had other family as well to buy for. She used that I bought so much for her last year for her birthday and Christmas, that she probably thinks there wouldn't be a problem doing it again this year. I see some tough love coming her way.....

Nov 1 @ 9:55PM  
Shawn, the day my daughter decided what I was going to buy her for christmas was the day I decided to hand her a check for her christmas present for the amount i was planning on spending on her and told her she could use it towards anything she wanted.............she no longer asks and i am back to buying what i want to for her when it comes to my granddaughter, if my daughter calls and says Libby needs this and I cant afford it.........nana buys it..........but i do help my daughter with her internet (cause she is going to college) and i have her on my family plan for cell phone and she is very responsible with the minutes or it would be cancelled........... One thing i did learn Shawn, sometimes when we help people........they become helpless........and expect you to do everythng for them.

good luck....

Nov 1 @ 10:15PM  
I really admire your honesty in this. Are you sure she is female? I mean the girls has balls! If she asks you for a new pair of shoes, it will be easy to tell the size by taking off your shirt. You can then measure the footprints on your back as she is walking all over you.
I would reply to her when the name comes up, "Fuck Willie". That is her biggest problem. Until she gets rid of him, she will be your biggest problem. BTW, where the hell is family in all of this? Has everyone but you tired of the shennanigans?

Nov 1 @ 10:29PM  
She is definately pushing the envelope. Does she think you are made of money? Is she going to give you Willie's Christmas demand list next?

I'd explain to her that if you give her the money for the car (the $75 she needs) that that is her birthday/Christmas gift, along with perhaps something small to open each day. And perhaps something little for the baby for Christmas.

Nov 1 @ 10:33PM  
Ok, one other question... you mentioned in your last blog that Natasha and Willie went to Willie's parents house... why are they not helping out in this situation? They are just as much grandparents. And where is her mom again?

Nov 1 @ 10:36PM  
Well put, WoW...Haha

No secret that I have been good to her. But I'm going to put a stop to her trying to use me. I'll only give her what she needs and not wants. The cell phone is out. It's a luxery item. She told me that she found a place to live. Her and Willie will be moving in a trailor along with three of their friends (two 18 year olds and a 17 year old). I asked her if they have job and she told me that all three get a check. I asked her what for and she said the 18 year old girl gets a check from where her father passed away years ago. The other two get SSI checks. I asked her why, she said the 17 year old is like Willie, can't read. He turned 17 today and will keep getting that check till he graduates in May 2009. Willie's check ran out in August after he received his because he's now considered part of the work force since he now has a diploma. On top of the Tash seems to think that the 18 year old girl their moving in with has a thing for Willie. I told her that this isn't going to work. Also, can any of you tell me how someone gors through 17 years and still can't read???! I know it happens, but I still can't get over this.

Nov 1 @ 10:40PM  
Crissy, to answer your question, I don't know Willie's parents. Tash has told me that his mom is a bitch, but I also know that there is two sides to everything. I have only talked with Willie's mom maybe twice over the phone asking for Tash. She's always seemed nice enough to me. Not sure what the story is behing that, but you're right, they should be more involved than what they are right now.

Nov 2 @ 8:06AM  
Well Shawn Willie's mom is probably a bitch cause she won't let him milk her for whatever he can. And i'm sorry to say that kids run into rough patches all of their lives its just up to you when to help. And yep "fuck willie" on Kim's day family is just that and willie sounds like a loser Maybe she'll see the light on her own. I know I had to do it that way the more mom protested the more I resisted (and yeah she was right) good luck there dad stick to your guns!

Nov 2 @ 4:15PM  
Thanks Lisa! You're right, going to hold back on giving her money everytime she asks. She hasn't asked me all summer for any (hard to believe), but their going to learn to sink or swim. I think she will learn to me more respectful in the next few years.

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Daughter drama and car payments