A good friend...is this you? posted 10/30/2007 9:47:02 PM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse

Fckmhrdtnght

Well damn, it started out as such a nice on Monday... beautiful driving weather, nice roads, and temperature a bit above average..

Get to my work cubicle and sign into the system.... then I read the email
It was from my lawyer who was forwarding an email from my soon-to-be-ex's lawyer.

Now the history is that finally got the house up for sale and over the weekend... lot of discussions about an offer on the house.... STBX was pissing around for $2,000... he wanted more.... the offer was appropriate... and then his same old bullshit again...he told the real estate agent "to get me to talk to him.. and maybe he would change his mind"

Those words are in clear violation of the protection order that he cannot have contact -- direct or indirect unless with lawyers...... asshole! And yeah, she tried to get me to call him... then I told her about the protection order... that he knew better! Finally he agreed to accept the offer ... however he had to cross a couple of items off for spite..

So I was already pissed at him from the weekend and was going to talk to lawyer.. I am going to file charges again...... it's bullshit....

besides if the lazy fucking leach is going to suck me dry for support until I retire....
he can fucking pay me for my time...........maybe I can get some of my money back!

Anyways, I read the email at work... I listened to my voicemail... my lawyer had also called right after he sent the email... Friday late afternoon... and it was Monday... was just as well... at least I had a nice weekend... went out and partied. still waiting for the pics.

So Monday and the email....

I was nearly ballistic on the shit that his lawyer wrote...... intimidation and scare tactics... the figures that they were throwing around.......... HALF MY FUCKING EARNINGS.............. AND I AM TRYING TO HELP MY SONS GOING TO UNIVERSITY BY LETTING THEM LIVE WITH ME DURING SCHOOL AND WHEN THEY WORK SUMMER JOBS... one is living away from me and sending him money every 2 weeks when get paid..it's not a lot but I am trying.

I was nearly in tears........ frustrated because every dollar I have to pay him takes away from our sons..... and the worst part......... it just continues the abuse....... that I was just his money whore.... all he wanted was my money... he never cared about me..

I can't buy a smaller house.... because I can't get a mortgage because there is no agreement for support plus STBX's lawyer is recommending freezing the proceeds of the house sale... to blackmail me to sign off for the support payments..

And christ, the rents are so expensive......... a lot more than the mortgage payments I've been paying... I was struggling where we would be living however there was a backup plan... could crash with sister.

A guy that I've known a short while... he needs to get roommate or get a second job... so moving to rent half a house.... living with man...OMG... that is not what I really wanted to do.. but ... its affordable and along with one son in university... can also bring my dog too. He is a really nice guy and I know it will be a good situation in the long run.

Back to the email..
My co-worker is so supportive... and got pissed off along with me... *smile*

I emailed my counseller for an urgent appointment... got an automatic reply that she was away until the next day... damn..

I emailed my father to call me........ he didn't...... I wasn't surprised... he isn't really much of a father... not there when I need him usually.... only when it was really bad and my life was being threatened.

I emailed both my former lover and the fella that I am seeing to call me.

I called my lawyer's office, he was in court, his assistant was expecting my call and would get lawyer to call me... He did call me later in the afternoon and yeah, I vented on him.... got upset about the contents of the letter... he talked to me for a while.. and we got down to business about the house being sold...to call him the next day. And yeah, he is a friend too (just pricey!)

I stopped in at the work of the fella that I am seeing late in the afternoon and he talked to me for a few minutes... he helped a little... later that evening... after 10:30 he called and talked to me for an hour and half. He is a good friend to me as well.

Without asking, that evening my sister called me... she knew something was wrong and we talked for quite a while. She says we should "fork" him.... lol

This a sort of therapy for us....not a voodoo doll... but a standing joke to make a gumbie version of a guy and stick a fork in the gumbie guy as much as necessary to vent anger.... funny to talk about... haven't done it yet.... but ya never know..

Also my former lover emailed and called me... talked to me a bit .. it all helped.

So co-worker, my manager, the fella I am seeing, my former lover and my sister... I made it through that day.... and got my strength back... to continue to fight for myself and my two sons.

This was such a bad day.... probably the worst in 6 years..... I was ready to give up..... I didn't see anyway to stop him and provide for my sons... except ...........
and it was such a desperate thought...

thoughts I shouldn't have........ I was upset that my mind allowed me to go down into that darkness again.... to those terrible thoughts... and I fought it away........ and for the first time in my life.... I told friends.. how bad it was for me........

and they helped me to get back my strength.. I was so close to giving up........ however I knew that what I thinking would hurt my sons more than the loss of money that I would have to pay to my STBX. They would want me...... not the money..

This trip to the darkness was not as far as previous times.... I didn't think about planning, I called out for help, and I knew the dark thoughts were not good.

And if it got real bad, there are phone lines to call or emergency room at hospital... which is the first time I ever thought about these venues.... this was positive. I hope that this is the last time that I get that beaten down... it was really tough. I was hidden in my cubicle doing some computer work with tears streaming down my face for a couple of hours.

And in talking with my counseller today, I couldn't get an appointment to see her,, however we talked on the phone... and she said that how I was today... pretty recovered.... she said that only to be down for a day considering the news... I was doing really good.

So me... paying him money........ it's still just abuse.......

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