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Just a Lil' Humor

posted 10/25/2007 9:50:38 AM |
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  MissMisty

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. .Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one - sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' IS a shape! !


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

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Comments:

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Kpaugh3

Oct 25 @ 9:58AM  
Very Funny Misy
BuddhaDon

Oct 25 @ 10:03AM  
I'd give you a kudo for this one, if my computer settings would only let me.
DeDe54

Oct 25 @ 10:37AM  
Damn I love cocoa beans!!!!

spanx misty girl!!

Wanna green thingy ma bob??

Let me think on it!
sugarnspice005

Oct 25 @ 10:38AM  
Good one!
six3indallas

Oct 25 @ 11:20AM  
I think I'm in love. Finally, someone who gets it.

My philosophy - If yer gonna go anyway, go with a smile on yer face!
After, no one gets out of this life alive.
Ewe_Wish

Oct 25 @ 11:43AM  
Life is short, Eat Dessert First!
MissMisty

Oct 25 @ 12:34PM  
I want my green thingy ma bob DeDe and I want it now...in the mean time lets all have a french fry !
PrincessKissy

Oct 25 @ 1:40PM  
Love it!!
jjhxjpb

Oct 25 @ 3:59PM  
Life is short, Eat Dessert First!

One of my 12 yr old son's fondest memories is when I took him out to dinner and we would get desert first then see if we were hungry enough for food!

I agree sometimes you just have to eat dessert first!

jjhxjpb

Oct 25 @ 4:00PM  
oh and great blog, still giggling

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Just a Lil' Humor