I was talking with a male friend of mine... asking if he had met any gals he was interested in...
He said yes, however he doesn't want her to know... WTF... I was baffled by that and asked him why...
He said he wasn't willing to give up his freedom to see his guy friends and do other stuff he is interested in... again, WTF... why would he say that?
He said that when dating a woman, she wants all of him immediately... all his time..
*sigh* I used to be like that... did that to my last fella... *whew* that blew up badly... he believed that I thought I owned him while I thought I was being accommodating ... talk about total miscommunication.
Took months after our breakup for me to realize what went wrong... he should have told me what space - time wise he needed and I shouldn't have wanted so much of his time. We cleared the air on that and are good friends now.
So this time around, I have a fella who talks to me... tells me what space he needs and why, so I understand.
And I tell him what I need -- which is to know that he is thinking of me.
So now I know why guys are so leary about going into relationships...
they need their space... to retain their individuality ... to see their friends and stuff....
here's the irony..... Women need that too!!
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Blogs by Fckmhrdtnght:
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| Why Men Don't Want To Be Bothered to Date Women |
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31sunshine
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Oct 14 @ 11:57PM
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I think it's a double edged sword....If we don't communicate with each other then how do you expect someone to meet your needs?
Me personally, I need my own space, want to be able to do things outside a relationship as well as in. And I appreciate a man who will take time for himself. There are definately things I like to do with my girlfriends and I don't want to feel bad for doing them and vice versa. I think you have to make a balance in your lives; couple's time, individual time and friends time.
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Fckmhrdtnght
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Oct 15 @ 12:03AM
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Great comment....
It's just that sometimes guys don't want to tell the gals they need space because they figure that the gal won't like hear it...
And totally right about balance.... it's all about balance
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mdx71
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Oct 15 @ 2:24AM
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It's true, we are afraid that a girl is going to try to control our lives once we let them in a little.
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openmindedguy71
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Oct 15 @ 2:38AM
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Not all guys are like that really. Some guys do appreciate all the time they can get with their lover. Not that they have to be with her 24 7 but there are guys who wouldnt mind if they were. I think it depends on the guy really. Personally i like to do things with my friends once in a while, but if she wanted more time with me alone I say ok.
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Looking4ever
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Oct 15 @ 5:50AM
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Communication?!?!? What's that? Seriously, that is why, after all these months, the relationship I just ended is over. However, I am as guilty of not saying how I felt as he was.
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Wordsofwit
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Oct 15 @ 7:14AM
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I have a little different view on it but it arrives at the same place. I don't think that it is necessarily a guy wanting to spend time with his pals as much as doing what he wants to do and not doing what he does not want to do.
To start with, we have compression in our lives. Monday through Friday the single person is largely on their own. It is the weekend when we do social things and there is the battleground.
I feel very strongly that most men and women would like to have somebody special to do things that they enjoy. Where we have the conflict is in how each person defines the four words in the previous sentence: "do things that they enjoy."
The following hypothetical morning conversation illustrates this:
She: Honey what do you want to do today?
He: Watch the game. What do you want to do today?
She: I would like to go to the craft faire and then catch some garage sales. Do you want to go with me?
He: No. Do you want to watch the game?
She: No.
The last lady I dated and I had irreconcilable differences on this. Friday night was always great with dinner and naked naughtiness that may or may not have had a comedy club, music, or movie in between. But after that, it was both people wanting to do what they wanted do and those things were completely different. The final discussion on it went something like this:
She: I work long hours five days a week and after 25 years of raising my kids, it is time for me to do what I want to do and I want a man to do them with me.
Me: Well, you better save up for a sex change operation because the only guys I know that share your interests are gay.
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Sunshinegal35
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Oct 15 @ 8:53AM
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I'm happy when my guy wants to hang with his buddies. It gives me time to do my own thing, too! 
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lifeizabitch
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Oct 15 @ 9:20AM
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It is a good thing to talk about how you want a relationship to proceed,and at the same time set boundaries.
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chocolatemilf
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Oct 15 @ 12:04PM
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I say talk it over a lot before you decide to become a couple. After that don't put too many bounderies on the other person, let it be natural.........
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DoIDetectAHIntOfTuna
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Oct 15 @ 12:12PM
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I think it's great that you are accommodating to the guys in your life and giving them their space. It baffles me though that you didn't know that men like their space and think of dating as a huge hastle. Dating is very annoying because we are with a woman we have nothing in common with (that's how we enter a date anyway) and are annoyed by the trivial things in her life as she babbles on about herself. Of course men don't enjoy dating. It's simply a necessary evil to get involved with a woman.
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