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Does God Approve of Cucumbers Being Used As Dildos?

posted 10/12/2007 6:24:02 PM |
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tagged: dildo, cucumber, women, happiness

Since our beloved Pudge was wondering about this earlier, I thought this would be the perfect topic for a blog/poll. I will start out by offering my "for".. everyone feel free to offer up your own thoughts for or against, please.

I believe that God MUST absolutely approve of the cucumber being used as a dildo. I'm sure that He (I had to make sure I showed proper respect there so as I don't offend any more members of the moral majority on here) wants every woman to be truly happy, and not a better way to fulfill that vision of women round the globe enjoying life to the fullest than with the fruit of His own creation -- The beloved Cucumber! He certainly made them to where they would grow big enough to please even the most discriminating of the female species... and even a few males if you want to consider that option. Easy to grow, inexpensive, and tasty too.. truly a gift from heaven. What more could you ask of a cucumber? They are a nice size and quite firm for days on end, providing the heat doesn't get to them too bad lol. They are naturally smooth skinned.. well except for those little prickly thingies that you have to scrub off when you wash them. They are even quite sought after as an ingredient for that almighty "tossed salad".

Let us all now bow our heads, thanking Him, for this wonderful gift He has seen fit to bestow upon us. AAAIIIIIIMMMMM IN!

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by South_Of_Main:
Are You Scared Yet?... (Part 2)
FYI on da Friends List...
Don't Ya Just Love It...
The Freak In Me...
Does God Approve of Cucumbers Being Used As Dildos?
OH MY FUCKING GOD.. The Nobel Peace Prize Winner was announced!
Stop Me Before I Do Something Really Stupid... (and other confessions)
Where the Hell is the Exit? (and more of lifes nagging little questions)
What I Want In A Man.... (More Confessions)


post a comment!


Oct 12 @ 6:40PM  
All but Ynot. He is thankful for the Pumkin.

Oct 12 @ 6:44PM  
Think of all the other crap that some people use as a dildo. It can be quite funny or even scary to imagine or even see.

Oct 12 @ 6:50PM  
Wash the cucumbers, then peel them using a potato peeler down to one end leaving some skin on the end so it doesn't slip out of your fingers- they become very slippery when peeled! Then you can slip it in and out of your favorite partner's natural "salad oil" in her vagina! Slip in and out a few times, take a bite, in and out... you know the drill.


Oct 12 @ 6:56PM  
Damn.. that Skin man sure seems to know what he is talking about.. first the body parts and now the knowledge of the Cuke! Listen to the Expert, Folks! ;-)


Oct 12 @ 7:03PM  
Skin, I hope you are using the seedless variety!

Oct 12 @ 7:30PM  
Thank you South- I've peeled a lot of cukes over the years... for salads! Ever wonder why someone named them cuCUMbers???


Oct 12 @ 7:32PM  
I hope you are using the seedless variety!
I like to think the ones with seeds, would be like it's version of a French tickler!!

Oct 12 @ 8:13PM  
God created man, God created cuCUMbers... So why not??


Oct 12 @ 8:25PM  
You have to be careful with the "around the globe" comment The reason I say this is because the Japanese cucumber is not the same as our US one. The Japanese one is very long, and not very big around. The whole time I lived there it NEVER crossed my mind to use one as a dildo!
But I agree with you- our US ones are very good!

Oct 12 @ 8:52PM  
I hope so, otherwise I've been sinning for a long time!

Oct 12 @ 9:40PM  
AMEN!! I have so many damn cucumber stories, that I could stay up all night long typing them!! But the one question I have is this.... why would God put the word CUM right in the middle of C-U-C-U-M-B-E-R if he didn't intend for us to use it for such??????? lmao!!!!!!!

Oct 12 @ 11:09PM  
A poem about cucumbers, for your enjoyment.... My thanks to the Australian author

Cucumber Cafe
Copyright Jane Laws 2003

It was the drought of ninety six, to save his family and his pride,
A young Mat turned to cucumbers, not quite sure the reason why.
Could have been he liked the colour green, were they easier to grow?
Still that's when the story began and this is how it goes.

He travelled to good old Queensland for ideas on what to do,
And stumbled across the Giant Pineapple and the Big Banana too.
So he built a giant cucumber, it was fifty feet or more,
And imported tacky trinkets to sell at the door.

Would you like a ruler, a pencil, rubber, a stencil, cuddly cucumber toy,
Big ones, little ones, fat ones, thin ones, sure to bring you joy.

It didn't take him long to use the good old Aussie cue,
In jams and fudge and chocolate and cheese and the odd relish or two.
And he created something special that was sure to make 'em pay,
A slice of a monster cue made from prehistoric DNA.

He opened up a cafe by the summer of ninety nine,
With much todo and fan fare and a fine cucumber wine.
And they came from far and wide to visit the Cucumber Cafe,
And farmer Mat would greet them and this is what he'd say.

Would you like 'em pickled or fried or poached or dried, fresh, pressed,
green is best.
Cucumber tea with scones and cream, anyway you please.

Now things were running well but there was still more to do,
The aromatherapy qualities of the good old Aussie Cue.
So he set to work in his tin shed and by the time it was Y2K,
There were lotions, potions, soaps and creams at the Cucumber Cafe.

Old Farmer Mat gained fortune from his Cucumber Cafe,
With Princes, Paupers, Presidents and Queens all coming to stay.
From Darwin to the Alice and from Rio to Timbuktu,
You'll find signposts reading 'This way to The Big Aussie Cue'

Oct 12 @ 11:13PM  
Oh, and let me give you my green thingy....not a cucumber, sorry.... to kudo you

Thanks for the blog! And, food for thought?

Oct 13 @ 2:47AM  
I think God made edable panties too...

Oct 13 @ 1:54PM  
Cucumbers? Heck, what happend to zuccini? Or summer squash? Carrots? Okra? I mean...if its longer than it is wide...isn't that the requirement?

The great thing about vegetable loving is that it is much less difficult to keep from prying eyes. Cuke sits there in the vegetable crisper...who knew it was chuckling and snickering about playing in the cave? Get done with the zuke...who stops to think why it is being relegated to zuccini bread? Summer Squash, with all those little bumps...happiness from food never sounded so loud!

A friend of mine had her daughter discover a cucumber on her mom's dresser. She picked it up and took it into the kitchen, and as a 15 yr old, wanted to know why her mom had a cucumber in the bedroom. My friend was so flustered in trying to figure out how to answer the question that the daughter guessed immediately, and couldn't stop laughing. Wanted to know if her mom had secret vegan admirers.

Shoot...I think its great for folks to move away from the dead nature of latex, plastic and metal. Stick with living things!

Oct 15 @ 8:12AM  
It's seems the one person who would truely have the answer doesn't seem to with to share it... How conveiiiiiiinient... Shall we ask..... SATAN?????

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Does God Approve of Cucumbers Being Used As Dildos?