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Pregnant..2 possible fathers...What Should I Do?!?!

posted 10/7/2007 1:32:19 PM |
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Hello everyone. it's been a while since my last blog post. But boy has my life changed in a few days!! I just found out on October 5th that I am pregnant I in no way want a baby right now. I am at the point in my life that I just wanna have fun. Build my career. Travel the world and enjoy my life.
All of a sudden my life has changed. I cant be so selfish. I have a person inside of me. The answer to my queries seem obvious, but for me they are not. I have gotten myself into a really bad situation as far as paternity goes. I am, in fact, a single woman.. so I was simultaneously seeing two guys at once. One of them being my ex bf of 9 yrs. We have a 7 yr old daughter together. I see him the least. Then, there's the new guy that I have known about a yr. We speak EVERYDAY. BOTH feel they r in love with me. (Which is what made it so hard to decide who I was gonna drop.) BOTH of them tried to get me pregnant... AND APPARENTLY ONE OF THE TWO SUCCEEDED!!
I am now going over the possible scenarios of who to tell first, how to break the news, and if i should tell both of them the whole truth. I know that the new guy will be more understanding. If the baby isnt my ex's he will never speak to me again. The situation is even more messed up cause I had moved in with HIS mom to take care of her while he is on the road. At this point I dont know what to do.
How should this delicate situation be handled... dishonesty or an abortion IS NOT A POSSIBILITY. I know this may seem like some Jerry Springer type shit, but this has now become my life. So ladies, especially mature ones, how should I handle this with the least amount of hurt for the two guys
Please leave a comment... I need as much as I can get right now. Im so ahamed of myself I could just pick up and disappear....

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Oct 7 @ 1:35PM  
You dont want me to say what I think about this......take it to Maury......

Oct 7 @ 1:38PM  
nope Springer would pay you for this story line.

Oct 7 @ 1:46PM  
THIS FUCKING BLOG IS ABOUT AS PUBLIC AS IM GOIN WITH THIS SHIT! who in the hell goes on tv to air their dirty laundry anyway?! so a face can be placed WITH my misdoings?? unh, unh, aint gonna happen! any real advice anyone?

Oct 7 @ 1:46PM  
Tell them both the truth and let the chips fall where they may. You were playing with fire and you got burned, now you have to deal with it.

BOTH of them tried to get me pregnant.
You knew this and you did nothing to prevent it??

Oct 7 @ 1:48PM  
You already know the answer to the question....

good luck with everything


Oct 7 @ 1:48PM  
Well first off you main concern is to yourself and your unborn child. The thing that you have to decide for yourself is how are you going to handle it. Take the time that you need to really think about your decision. This isn't something that you can just make a quick decision on. No one can give you the answer that has to come from within inside you. Good luck in your decison, and hope everything works out for the best for you.

Oct 7 @ 1:50PM  
If you knew both of them were trying to get you pregnant, and you knew that you didn't want another child, then why didn't you take bigger precautions so that it didn't happen?

Honesty is the best policy.... tell the both the entire truth, and if they are real men, they will put their feelings and disgust towards you aside, and will be there to support the baby.

Oct 7 @ 1:53PM  
You knew this and you did nothing to prevent it??

Thing is, Im allergic to latex. so I wear those sheepskin condoms... they arent as effective as latex.

Then the new guy took the condom off while we were in the doggystyle position... when i realized he had taken it off i made him replace it... he later told me that he ejaculated in me that night in hopes to get me pregnant.

My ex poked holes in the condoms he provided... after we were done he told me that he wanted me to have another baby with him...

Thus are the two possibilities.

Oct 7 @ 2:00PM  
Well in response to your condom situations, both of these guys sound like losers, and scumbugs.... dump them both, and raise the kids on your own. If you couldn't trust them while you were sleeping with them, what makes you think that you can trust them now??

Oct 7 @ 2:05PM  
what to think? I'll do what you possibly did. I'll not think.

Oct 7 @ 2:06PM  
I'm sorry......I really would like to be able to give you some sound advice.....
It's just that my advice concerns pre-planning and forethought....
and you're obviously past that point....
Are you not able to take the pill or get a monthly shot??(Nevermind that...maybe for the future)
how should I handle this with the least amount of hurt for the two guys
Hurting them should not be your concern.....they are as responsible as you, if not more so....

Oct 7 @ 2:15PM  
Although I believe that condoms should be used, especially when you are having sex with two guys, You should have used another method also if you were sure you didn't want any more children. But hindsight is 20/20, you should be honest with both of them, the fact that they both wanted to get you pregnant and went about it sneakily tells you what kind of men they are, but they are both going to have to go in for parentity tests so they are going to figure it out anyways, unless you plan on being dishonest and taking child support from someone who may or may not be the father.

I in no way want a baby right now. I am at the point in my life that I just wanna have fun.
Unless you are planning on giving that baby up for adoption, Party time is over. You are just as much as responsible for you being pregnant as the father is. That baby didn't ask to be come into this world and deserves to have a mother step up to the plate and accept the responsibility.


Oct 7 @ 2:24PM  
Get a DNA sample

Oct 7 @ 2:30PM  
sure don't seem like alot of options......have baby or not......after that desision the rest comes nauturally don't it??

Oct 7 @ 2:55PM  
First of all you are not married to either one of them and your ex should realize that you are going to date other men for thats why he is an ex. It might hurt the new guy for you were dating your ex but the truth is you have to tell them both and find out who the father is and then you take it from there. Good luck and I wish you well.

Oct 7 @ 3:02PM  
Any male with mobile sperm can make a baby - the real question is - who's going to be responsible to help raise the child should you decide to keep it. Hopefully they weren't the prove my love, have a baby with me type of guys and now that you are pregnant, they are going to run and add you to their trophy babymomma's list.

At 20, I was young dumb and uneducated about birth control, Mother Nature decided for me by miscarriage at 2.5 months, after that, I got smart got the pill, condoms and various other methods to prevent unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.

There are other options besides latex and lambskin, polyurethane (Avanti) condoms, female condoms - noisy as hell but they work; birth control pills/patches, depo preva shot, foams/sponges, IUD and others, this isn't some 3rd World Country, the information is available either from your Doctor or local Planned Parenthood or Health Department.

Ultimately, it's your decision on who's heart you are going to break without breaking your own in the process. Meditate, pray or what helps you get thru your day, to help you on making a decision. You have my prayers and I wish you make a decision that you can live with.

Oct 7 @ 3:11PM  
well other than condoms there was pills, shots and patches available for your use. If you couldn't afford them planned parenthood is very reasonable and reliable. Now what are you going to do??? Have or not to have is the first question?? Then keep or not to keep is the second question. Then the third is tell the truth to the two men and let them both know YOU were also responsible in allowing either of them to continue on in your bed KNOWING they were trying to get you pregnant. I'm sorry I took careful precaution all my life you were not and you got bit. I tried to be as polite as possible but this is how so many children become lost in our world

Oct 7 @ 3:43PM  
I think both men were dishonest with you in the way they went about "trying to get you pregnant". To me, that shows some real character flaws in each of them that I'd keep in mind.

You have to tell them. No matter how this came about, they deserve to know what is going on. You would want the same honesty from them so you have to provide it. If you build a life on a lie, it will destroy you. Remember you have to live with whatever choice you make.

You do have to face the fact that if you were dating both men, and they were not aware of each other, you have to expect them to be hurt & angry. Would you not also be if they were dating you and another at the same time without letting you know? So when you do tell them, give them some compassion and understanding if they are upset.

There is no easy or right answer for you. I don't think that you can really make a good decision until you talk to both men and see where you stand.

Then I'd get a paternity test asap. Good luck.

Oct 7 @ 3:49PM  
All of you are talking about what she SHOULD have done. It really doesn't matter now does it? She also said abortion isn't an option, so i'm assuming you're going to keep this child.

Now for my advice, I think you should be honest with both men and after the baby is born find out who the father is. You must have some idea whos it could be by when you missed your last period.

I'm kinda in the same boat you are, although i know who the father of my child is. I moved 1600 miles away from the father, and he probably won't be a part of my childs life. That was one of the hardest decisions i had to make. I did what I thought was best for me and my baby, and you should do the same for yourself and your baby. I wish you luck.

Oct 7 @ 4:45PM  
Tell both men the situation. Once the baby is born do a DNA test to determine which man is the father. Proceed from there. I think that's about all you can do.

Oct 7 @ 4:56PM  
She also said abortion isn't an option, so i'm assuming you're going to keep this child.
If you are not ready for a child, maybe you should look into adoption

Oct 7 @ 5:13PM  
Birth control would have been the better mature plan! now you have hurt two guys and have an unwanted baby on the way! as far as the guys go they both need to know, and they both get a test (dna) and then the real father will have to pay the piper...the fact that you have been sleeping about isn't a factor here!

its just sad! I wish you would have never shared this with the rest of us!

Oct 7 @ 5:15PM  
You have two choices.. tell them both or don't tell either of them. Looking at your reaction to the pregnancy though I would seriously look into adopting that child out. There are thousands of families that would love to have a baby.

Oct 7 @ 5:18PM're 24 years old, have a 7 year old child, pregnant with another and have no idea who the father is!! There is no excuse that I can think of for your situation. One would think having your first child at such a young age would have made you aware of all the options of birth control and not to leave it up to one of these men...........who outright told you they wanted you pregnant! By the way I use the term 'men' losely...........they certainly aint that, and they certainly can't love you when they would do that. Not saying that it is their fault, because it does take two to tango and apparently you tango quite well. I guess now you have to deal with the consequences!! GOOD LUCK!

Oct 7 @ 5:53PM  
wow, zena i was allmost with you all the way until you shifted the blame to the guys! if a guy says he plans to impregnate you and you dont want that you have hundreds of options to stop that, the first option would be a simple NO!

Oct 7 @ 5:55PM  
What a bizarre loads of comments :) And some very sanctimonious ones as well! Sounds like you have had a few life "curveballs". You gotta tell both of them about the uncertainty of who is the father, it's just basic respect really. You cant expect to control this situation in the long term - a baby is about to be born and she/she deserves to know who her real father is, regardless of which man you choose to be with. The child wont be thanking you for any deceptions, when they are older. The key here is to just think about the child, not about these two men. Maybe I am giving them too much credit, but I think that they will want to know. If they both decide they dont want to be with you, so be it - but I would hope they have the moral fibre to contribute to the child finacially and time-wise. I hope things work out for you and impending baby.

Oct 8 @ 12:15AM  
dishonesty or an abortion IS NOT A POSSIBILITY
It sounds to me that whether you keep the baby or give him/her up for adoption is your next decision. But in most states, the father has a say so in adoption. There are some wonderful people who would make great parents and are unable to have children of their own.
You just said dishonesty is not an option, yet you asked if you should tell both of them the whole truth. If you don't tell the whole truth, you just made dishonesty your option by choice.
Im so ahamed of myself I could just pick up and disappear....
You're 24 with a 7 year old and another on the way. Regardless of what you choose to do, it's time to grow up and face resposibility. You helped create this scenerio, running from it will not change it. I imagine it would only make it worse for you, your 7 year old and the baby. And possibly the father. Although neither seem too mature or practical, either would have a right to know if he has a child on the way.
BOTH feel they r in love with me. (Which is what made it so hard to decide who I was gonna drop.)
And you feel what for each of them? You don't have to answer me, but maybe be honest with yourself about it.
Do you have a Mom, Aunt, Best Friend you could go to for help through this?
And do yourself a big favor... learn from this. Next time, use common sense and more than a condom. It's not just your life you're dealing with.
Good luck.

Oct 8 @ 8:51AM  
1) Give the child up for adoption
2) Sleep with one guy at at time
3) b i r t h c o n t r o l

Oct 8 @ 9:06AM  
I really dont mean to sound mean, but werent you already being dishonest by sleeping with both guys at same time and them not knowing? I truly do hope you figure out what to do, just tell them both the truth! And good luck in all your decisions! And yeah, what a lot of others said - BIRTHCONTROL PILLS, plus condom, plus anything else that will help!! Good luck again!

Oct 8 @ 1:10PM  
Unless you are planning on giving that baby up for adoption, Party time is over. You are just as much as responsible for you being pregnant as the father is. That baby didn't ask to be come into this world and deserves to have a mother step up to the plate and accept the responsibility.

Gawd Dayna, if everyone only thought of the child being conceived, or the child at hand. Makes me sad to think people are that naive not to know what there getting there selves into. Its not just the womans fault in this endeavor, its the mans to. He needs to take precautions, just as the woman should. Then things like things like this don't happen.!!

I feel for the creature within you womancanwatch, I really do. He or she wasn't asked to brought into the world, and needs the care and treatment that all children, born or unborn, are suppose to get!

Makes me sad that some of the children in this world aren't getting that kind of treatment.

Oct 8 @ 8:33PM  
Pregnant....possible 2 fathers? "dishonesty or an abortion IS NOT A POSSIBILITY"...

Advice? There is an unborn baby in the picture, two possible fathers...both need to know the truth. Yes, one or both are going to get hurt, but, should have thought about that before having sex with both men.

Just tell them and let it play out. When the time comes...get a dna test to see who the father is.

Oct 18 @ 10:33PM  
You laid out your bed of hot coals in hell. Lie down and burn. You made the choice.

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Pregnant..2 possible fathers...What Should I Do?!?!