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She sat on my sofa

posted 10/5/2007 4:55:59 PM |
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tagged: abuse, woman, man, marriage

her eyes wet from tears, "I hope I can pass my classes to become a ______" "he always said I could never do anything right" I listened for the better part of an hour,this is a woman that was married for app 20 yrs (she told I forgot). Several children later , he decides he does not love her, and not only that she is ugly , fat, and every move he made that was a mistake was her fault. Cute smallish woman maybe a size 8 brown hair, bubbly when she can be, raising three on her own now, three, that are sure as well that every bad thing happened to them was her fault . The oldest one tells anyone she sees " I HATE YOU " strikes out at the mom , course the younger ones are taking training lessons .... its sad, so sad. I tried to comfort her and she again apologized " I am sorry I should not have told that" " I hardly know you " "Its just so hard" I tell ya it made me feel like my life was a bed of roses, my issues are nothing compared to hers. Its a shame that someone can be verbally and probably physically abused and somehow made to believe its all their fault. Someone maybe trying to tell you of abuse , they maybe asking you for help.... Do you listen ? Are we true friends? No longer living close to each other, what advice , what council would you give?

I left out crucial details just in case someone involved happens upon the post. I would in no way want to cause further harm, however some of you may have been in the same situation and can offer some much needed advice

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Oct 5 @ 5:11PM  
Have her contact the local battered womens shelter or advocacy council. They can help set her up with counseling for her and the kids or any job training or educational help that she might feel she needs. Just listen when you can Maggs, sometimes that means as much as any professional counseling session.

Oct 5 @ 5:55PM  
Unfortunately, til she is ready for more steps all you can do is listen. Once she seems ready to do the work then she can take small baby steps toward healing.

A counselor is a good idea.. as long as it's one who doesn't just let her whine and pity pout about it.. but makes her do the work she needs to do.

Sad.. yeah.. been there.

Oct 5 @ 6:21PM  
I think all you can do is be a friend to her and listen. It's up to her to make the changes in her life that she needs to make. It is awful that someone can be physically and emotionally beaten down so badly. I'd like to put my foot where the sun doesn't shine where her husband is concerned! What a fucktard!
She's lucky to have you, though.

Oct 5 @ 7:00PM  
I agree with Sam and Stormy's comment. I think any man that hits a woman is a coward, no matter what the reason is.

Oct 5 @ 8:27PM  
I agree with all other commentators. What makes this even more complex though, is that the kids have turned against her. Usually, they will rally to mom's side. Additionally, it appears she is isolated with no support from her family. That makes it all the more imperitive that she seek a support group and if viable, move closer to her true friends or close family members.

Unfortunately, though formally trained in this area, it appears to me from a great distance and abstracting, that this situation will rapidly deteriorate. She might need to consider sending the younger kids to live with relatives if possible as it appears very ominous for all concerned.

Oct 6 @ 12:34AM  
The most difficult step that she will make is seeking professional help...please encourage her to do so...

Oct 6 @ 3:13AM  
Maggie there is not much left to say. She need counseling a soon as possible. She has been abused for about 20 years and that will not be fixed quickly. She needs the love of friends and family bad to insure her of you worth as a human.

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She sat on my sofa