Voodoo Hijinx posted 10/5/2007 10:43:04 AM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: joke, sex

MsHelle

Yet another variation on a mystical dick

Voodoo Dick

There was this businessman who was getting ready
to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a
flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something
to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he
didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
(For joke purposes, let's ignore what he might do while
on his trip) So he went to a store that sold sex toys and
started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
doll but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo
dick.'"

"So what about this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an
old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it,
and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said, "It looks like every other
dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."

The voodoo d*ck rose out of its box, darted over to the door,
and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook
with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick,
get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated
back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his
wife, told her it was a special 'dildo' and that to use it, all
she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while
he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
hot and bothered. She thought of several people who
would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the
voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!"

The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It
was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After
three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to
pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried
and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband
had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to
go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her
clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital,
quivering with every thrust of the vibrating item.

On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the
road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked
or her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy,
and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yeah,
right! Voodoo dick, my ass!"

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