Trouble posted 10/3/2007 1:23:15 PM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: relationships

lunanegra

I've made a big deal about him in previous blogs,I racked my brain trying to figure out how we could be together without the shadow of their parent's interference,I've been there as shoulder of sorts to give him time to get over his ex-girlfriend,and now this?


For some reason there is a sense of foreboding,..for some reason I feel as if I'm on the chopping block.I had a strange and unexpected wave of nausea before he logged on.Thing is,he rarely logs on messenger,when he did he friended me on my blog there for some reason.I messaged him,and a snippet of our conversation went this way:

him : if your body type was what your 360 avatar shows, you would've forgotten me a long time ago
me : huh
him: i opened up your 360 page
me : oh..well even if i wasnt that way,i still get lay but,eh..
him: it is true, u know
me: if i werent chunky id of dumped you?
him: yup
me: well,even thin girls dont always get lucky
him : 'cause they intimidate the guys who might find them desirable
me: even i do at this weight
him: yeah, i know

See,I know where this is going,as he never outright says anything.He dodges,segues,avoids the topic.We talked about us both being on facebook and what not and about how he found some old high school classmates.I said I would but I don't like any of them except one girl who I had lost touch with,but wanted to see again,but not unless I was doing better.Then he offered:"can I meet her,then?" and "with us having the same type of personalities,maybe we'd find someone more permanent..." Uh. Oh.

Anyway,long story short he has interest in some girl his folks introduced him to at some gathering in Texas,or he just wants to call a quits period.I tried to get more answers,but his excuse was listening to music;and when I pushed further,it was either:he 'just wants to give me more ammunition to "torture" him when he makes one of his visits to my town',and/or he was 'just playing/it isn't going to work between them/he isn't going anywhere....' I'm not an imbecile,but I did say "I'd always be his fool."

You see,what we have is what I deem an "open long-distance" thing.I let him do what he wants,I told him I have no reign over what he does- Freedom of Choice,I declare...so why does he choose to be restless after he looked me in the eye saying 'he doesn't want to be with anyother girl but me'? Was it all a lie from the get go? Was I too overwhelming/potent,and him too weak,vacillating or "nice"? I know what we have- I only call everyother few weeks,we do our own thing,etc Whats the deal? Feigning the best way I can,I told him when he was telling me that to "go ahead and leave",etc.But after a beat,I asked him does he still care about me? He said that he would never answer that,"actions speak louder than words"...Then that tells me everything.I told him that I'd ease up,but what was there to ease up on? We hardly talk.I only sought him out on my birthday and that was it. I don't know.He isn't the kind of guy to chase skirts,but if thats the case...he can,and I totally give up on everything.

I never meant to cause you Trouble/No,I never meant to do you harm....

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Blogs by lunanegra: Auld Lang "Sane" My Losers and Winners of 2007,Pt. 2: The Winners(and "Ify's") My Losers and Winners of 2007,Pt. 1:The Losers Because I was bored,random facts... Douchebag Alert:Part Two "The Virtues of Promiscuity" My first older encounter:Mr. G & Me Douchebag Alert! Public Service Announcement Porn Generator Sex and Marriage with Robots? Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me Trouble As the Sun Returns Sick Hell Late Reading (part three and finale) Not a rant for the thin-skinned American. Anna Omaly- A satire,or rant..whatever. The Soapless Experiment The Satire of Dating and Mr. "Sometimes McMaybe". It only has power if you let it. Part two. Thought I'd give it a try.(Part one) Outcast. Children *don't* say the darndest things..