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The Seven Types of Sex

posted 9/29/2007 8:11:36 PM |
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  swyeter

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.


The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so excited you will have sex anywhere even in the kitchen.


The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.


The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long that when you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.


The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more and she takes you to court and screws you in front everyone.


And last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month, but not enough to live on.



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   read more blogs!

Blogs by swyeter:
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The Best or Worst Town to Live In
Politically Correct
I'll Never Complain About My Kids Again
The Pretzel Hold
The Seven Types of Sex
How To Make A Woman Happy
Why I Haven't Posted a Blog Lately
School Prayer
Sexual Stimulation


Comments:

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Angel_45304

Sep 29 @ 8:19PM  
That was great, where can I get my Sexual Security Card
casuallylooking

Sep 29 @ 8:19PM  
sex anywhere even in the kitchen.
What do you mean "EVEN" in the kitchen? You say that like it's a bad thing. Aren't people supposed to occassionally have sex in the kitchen?

Lisa46

Sep 29 @ 8:28PM  
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

Okay I have a problem I'm not married and I'm living number 5
ValentineGirl214

Sep 29 @ 8:29PM  
I love Kitchen Sex!!! He's cooking and I come up behind him and ..............................
damn I forgot where I was....
swyeter

Sep 29 @ 8:32PM  
Lisa, nuns are supposed to wear a habit, not have one.
swyeter

Sep 29 @ 8:33PM  
Ladies, actually there is nothing wrong doing it in every nook, cranny, closet and/or room. But I have discovered the kitchen can be dangerous. Too many sharp objects and make sure the stove is turned OFF.
ksk72

Sep 29 @ 8:38PM  
Kitchen sex is the best... but never cook bacon in the nude
swyeter

Sep 29 @ 8:45PM  
but never cook bacon in the nude


Why's that ksk (you wouldn't have some scars to prove your point would you)
Looking4ever

Sep 29 @ 9:05PM  
Oh, now I know why I have this strange attraction to Smurfs....
Ewe_Wish

Sep 29 @ 9:05PM  
As I recall all 7 kinds with you were.....................bad!!!

alybai42

Sep 29 @ 9:56PM  
Dominus

Sep 29 @ 10:30PM  
The way I see it, sex should be...

...so strong it makes your body ache...
...so passionate it makes your heart ache...
...so lustful it makes your soul ache...

In other words...if you didn't hurt something during sex, you're not doing it right.
Sunshinegal35

Sep 29 @ 11:29PM  
This was SO hilarious!
Thanks for the chuckle, swyeter!
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 12:44AM  
looking4ever - Stop trying to hold your breath during sex and you will stop turning blue.
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 12:49AM  
As I recall all 7 kinds with you were.....................bad!!!

Yes looking4funat45, but we know that “bad” in today’s vernacular means “GREAT”.
Ewe_Wish

Sep 30 @ 12:52AM  
Yes looking4funat45, but we know that “bad” in today’s vernacular means “GREAT”.
Thats true.............if your 17 yrs old.........with your baggy pants hanging to your knees.............with your ass crack showing..........you want to tell us anything swyeter?
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 12:53AM  
The way I see it, sex should be...

...so strong it makes your body ache...
...so passionate it makes your heart ache...
...so lustful it makes your soul ache...

In other words...if you didn't hurt something during sex, you're not doing it right.

Dom you have some valid points. Problem is when I told looking4funat45 that the next time we had sex she used a nutcracker on my jewels.
unfulfilled1

Sep 30 @ 12:54AM  
Crap, regarding #6...man, I havent even been to court and she has already tried to screw me in front on everyone...is that bad?
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 12:58AM  
Thats true.............if your 17 yrs old.........with your baggy pants hanging to your knees.............with your ass crack showing..........you want to tell us anything swyeter?

Hey, you know I don't kiss and tell and if you want to tell people that you dress like a 17 year old I'm not going to tell. You want anyone to know you have to tell. Come to think of it you just did.
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 1:01AM  
unfulfilled1, I hate to be the one to be the bearer of bad news, that's usually looking4funat45's gets her jollies, but it probably means you still got another screwing coming.
Ewe_Wish

Sep 30 @ 1:02AM  
Hey, you know I don't kiss and tell and if you want to tell people that you dress like a 17 year old I'm not going to tell
. Not my problem if you like me dressing like a 17 yr old boy before you get interested in sex............
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 1:09AM  
Not my problem if you like me dressing like a 17 yr old boy before you get interested in sex............

I know you are getting senile but if you recall your feeble attempts at being a “gang banger” is one of the reasons I left your psycho ass.
Ewe_Wish

Sep 30 @ 1:13AM  
I know you are getting senile but if you recall your feeble attempts at being a “gang banger” is one of the reasons I left your psycho ass
Darling, I know your getting senile too............but my ass is one of the things you liked about me best.
swyeter

Sep 30 @ 1:15AM  
Darling, I know your getting senile too............but my ass is one of the things you liked about me best.

True, true but you had to mark a spot for me since you were all ass.
Ewe_Wish

Sep 30 @ 1:17AM  
True, true but you had to mark a spot for me since you were all ass
Why would I have to Darling..............Your all mouth.
ksk72

Sep 30 @ 1:38AM  
Why's that ksk (you wouldn't have some scars to prove your point would you)

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The Seven Types of Sex