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When a Relationship Goes Stale...

posted 9/29/2007 6:29:22 PM |
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After months of emailing, phoning etc. I recently had the good fortune to meet a wonderful man in person for dinner. His personal situation is very similar to my own and on that we have a common ground.

As we sat at the bar waiting for our table, we were talking, laughing as old friends. As I generally do, I started speaking to the couple seated next to us who were sitting there in silence.

During this pre-dinner chit chat with our bar mates, my dinner mate and I were asked "how long have you two been married"? Naturally we both started laughing and he bowed to me so that I would do the honors of saying "this is our first dinner together". The couple expressed their shock saying " you act like a couple that has been together for a long time".

Now at that point I have no idea what came over me but I hesitated for a moment then said "No, actually you two act like a long time married couple". "If you remember 30 min. ago you were sitting side by side not saying a word to each other, then we barge into your space and suddenly there is a 4-way conversation full of life and laughter".

After a rather long ackward pause, the wife looks at her husband then back to us with this comical look on her face and says " are right. After 10 years together we have gone stale". The 4 of us burst out in laughter.

Moments later the Maitre D' slides in to tell the other couple their table is ready and they depart only to return 4 min. later and ask us to join them for dinner which we did.

Now this is not exactly how I envinsioned my first dinner with this gentleman but the evening offered a lot of insight to why couples drift and become stale in their relationship. They simply stop talking and most of all laughing with one another. Suddenly the world around them becomes more important. Instead of always focusing on their partner first and the world in general 2nd. the priorities get reversed.

Why? Well the 4 cabinet leaders at the summit finally concluded relationships become too comfortable. Not that comfortable is not a good thing, but comfort leads to taking things for granted and that leads us to stop working or trying hard or focusing on our partner. When we stop working at a relationship we also cause our partner to stop trying as well. When nothing comes back from your partner you eventually stop trying. It becomes this Catch 22.

The dinner and evening ended with our dinner mates leaving the restaurant hand in hand, something I rather doubt they had done for a while. As to my dinner companion, I am certain I will see him again if for nothing more than another invigorating evening of laughter and conversation.

Hugs to all..and remember to walk hand in hand !!!

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post a comment!


Sep 29 @ 6:43PM  
I love holding hands..

Sep 29 @ 6:43PM  
Of course it can go the other way can become so co-dependant that you practically eat each other alive....I guess its just like anything else ..a balance needs to be maintained...good blog...

Sep 29 @ 6:44PM  
Nice blog hun!! Sounds like a wonderfully enlightening evening for all!

Sep 29 @ 6:52PM  
Walk hand in hand..............yep thats the key. Wonderful post, DS, thank you for sharing............

I will even give you a kudo, but damn dont tell Ladybootscooter, seems like she is wanting to be kudo whore all of a sudden................

Sep 29 @ 6:56PM  
Thanks Dayna,

will even give you a kudo, but damn dont tell Ladybootscooter, seems like she is wanting to be kudo whore all of a sudden

Is there an application somewhere for this?

Sep 29 @ 7:03PM  
I think one the most vivid memories I have that has stayed with me for years is an elderly couple walking around the mall together, holding hands, talking and laughing. Ever since I saw that, I've known that without a doubt that's what I want. A love and friendship that lasts. Your story made me remember this. Thanks so much for sharing.

Sep 29 @ 7:19PM  
My mom and dad, who were together 50 days on the day my mom passed always said... the secret to staying together was never taking each other for granted and always remembering your your manners... please, thank you and your welcome so easily get displaced in day to day life.

Sep 29 @ 7:23PM  
I also think life was easier in the days of our parents. Roles were more defined and maybe simpler. Women today have to be "super heros" with all that is on our plate.

Yet unfortunately the responsibility of a cohesive relationhship still falls on our shoulders.


Sep 29 @ 7:27PM  
...thanks for sharing a wonderful evening and also wisdom, that's worth repeating about working at a relationship..
If you don't feed your love for each other it will eventually die..
So many people think their love will just go on and on..
....we have this thing about putting so many other things, daily activities, problems etc. first over keeping the romance alive.

great Blog!!!

Sep 29 @ 7:32PM  
Thanks Holly...Oddly enough I remember when my husband had his first of numerous heart attacks at the early age of 41, I vowed that my epitaph would not be "oh she kept a clean house". I decided right then that "things" can wait and if given the opportunity would choose time with my spouse over other things. I am not saying it always worked because it didn't but it did become my private motto in life.

Sep 29 @ 7:45PM  
You so deserve that happiness ......

Sep 29 @ 8:13PM  
I'm glad you had such a nice evening.
Thank you for sharing it, with the other couple you had dinner with. And with us.


Sep 29 @ 8:31PM  
What a wonderful evening you had!!! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself and thank you for sharing your night!

Sep 29 @ 8:54PM  
Hand holding...such a sweet, simple thing...I asked to hold hands today and was turned down. That really hurt...

Sep 29 @ 11:24PM  
DS, thanks so much for sharing this! You give me hope!

Sep 30 @ 12:44AM  
Thank you so much for reminding me of what i need to tie a ribbon around my finger for...sounds corny, but that is part of the reason why I am where I am today..

It was brought to my attention and I agree after having to think about it...duh...that making love is an all day thing, little stuff, communication and a solid connection, just to name a few ingredients...

Found that very interesting and exciting all at the same time!

Sep 30 @ 2:35AM  
Hugs to all..and remember to walk hand in hand !!!

damn good motto.............i'll try to always remember it.......ty

Sep 30 @ 3:39AM  
After months of emailing, phoning etc. I recently had the good fortune to meet a wonderful man in person for dinner. His personal situation is very similar to my own and on that we have a common ground
Makes it all the more special when you have alot in common! I hope to hold hands one day soon!

I will even give you a kudo, but damn dont tell Ladybootscooter, seems like she is wanting to be kudo whore all of a sudden................
You create a monster and then complain cos it's alive!!!

Sep 30 @ 4:23AM  
DesertSmile that was a blog that touched me personally. The one true love of my life I lost for this very reason. I didn't take the time to keep the love alive. If we could just live out life in reverse and know our short comings. History would turn out happier and the mistakes that we make by neglecting to think would not happen. here is a kudo and a thank you for the blog.


Sep 30 @ 6:05AM  
North County:
Good Blog. I try that in all things in life. As soon as it get light, I will walk my dogs and try and smell the flowers, see the sunrise, feel the wind and not worry about all the "stuff" going on in the world today.
I guess those Missouri values are still in us.

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When a Relationship Goes Stale...