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Can you trust someone you met online? It start's with E-Mail's

posted 9/28/2007 11:35:08 PM |
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Then goes to yahoo chat, then the phone. You start to get to know each other's like's, dislikes. Then after a while you start to have feelings. Feeling for someone you have never met in person.

This feelings I don't know about. I have been lied too, cheated on, used, stolen from, that I can not trust again. It is called FEAR. Fear of getting hurt again. Fear of having my heart broke again. I never wanted to take that chance again. I put a block around my heart making a promise to myself not to let a man get near it again. Now that block is starting to come down. And it worries me. Can you fall in love with someone online before you meet them in person. You spend hours,weeks, months getting to know each other.

I hear you don't know if he is the right one if you don't take a chance. A chance of getting hurt? Is it worth it?

For those of you who have met someone online and met in real life and it worked it I bow to you For taking that chance.

Am I scared to take that chance again? YES I AM.

My point of this blog is: Do I take a chance?

Yes I want to find Mr.Special. Did I find him and I am too scared to let him close to me?

For that last couple of days I have sat and thought about this.
Now I need to do something about it. But my heart is saying something else. It don't want to get hurt again. That kind of hurt sucks.

All comments are welcome.

Yes my wonderful friends my homework is done so I can come out and play

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post a comment!


Sep 28 @ 11:39PM  
Take the chance darlin'... TAKE THE CHANCE!!!

Sep 28 @ 11:40PM  
I know exactly how you feel Tammy! We always hope for the best but after years of the being hurt it's hard to tear down those walls we've spent so many hours building up! Best of luck to us all!

Sep 28 @ 11:41PM  
GOD I HOPE SO!!!!!!!!!!!

Sep 28 @ 11:44PM  
Would you give up that wonderful feeling? One moment of it? Love is something when you are in it that is well worth every moment of ache after. There is truth to the saying "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"!

Sep 28 @ 11:46PM  
Take the chance you never know this one could be one of the good guys out there.

Sep 28 @ 11:51PM  
All that you can do is take the chance and see where it goes.

Sep 28 @ 11:57PM  
I been hurt and fucked over big time....I'll still take that chance every time if I think that person is worth it. I'm trying to take it now but I'm facing her fears instead of my own. If it's meant to be, it will be...

Sep 29 @ 12:06AM  
... i am not going to interrupt this unanimous
chorus of optimists .....beautiful to see.
hope springs eternal.


Sep 29 @ 12:10AM  
I definately think love is worth the risk. Everytime I've loved and lost, I've grown stronger and more self aware. I don't think it's realistic to expect people to experience the devistation and loss they do in life and not make changes that hopefully will prevent us from being demolished again. I think the key is, to let love in when we are given the opportunity.

For me, I have set some pretty strong boundaries of what I will and will not accept in my life and my relationships. I've walked away from relationships because there was no compromise for either of us and I won't put my boundaries aside ever again. If I won't stand up for myself, how can I expect another to do the same.

I guess what I'm saying is, jump in with your eyes wide open, but go for it.

Sep 29 @ 12:47AM  
I truly understand your fear, have we all not felt it at one time or another? I urge you to take a chance WHILE protecting yourself. I met my wife in chat. Opening up scared the heck out of both her and I. We 'spoke' online and in IM, then progressed to phone calls that lasted for hours, finally I traveled to meet her, spent a week with her, and...well...she traveled back with me and we have not been apart ever since. I leave you with this thought I am happier than I ever thought possible and all the past hurts seem so minor now. Good luck

Sep 29 @ 12:50AM  
well what did you do before sites and the internet.........this is starting to create a real issue.people find excuse after excuse not to go meet someone.........i'm not saying dont be safe about it....but ya cant just sit behind a monitor and wait for someone to show up at your door......take a friend with you....but do waits for noone.....this includes take a chance but be careful

Sep 29 @ 12:55AM  
In my opinion, it's worth a shot. I guess I'm biased in a way. I am involved in a relationship that was born online. We met in a chat room and shared emails and phone calls until we met face to face. Once we finally met in person, it only took six months for me to make the move to be with him. That was back in 2001. We're still going strong. I understand any and all hesitations, but if you don't take the chance because of the fear of what may happen, then that fear may stand in the way of something truly beautiful and rewarding in your life. Best of luck to you.

Sep 29 @ 1:20AM  
I've met three ladies online over the past few years! All except one were from other sites!

The 1st one- we met, had a little sex but we knew it wouldn't work out! She is 90 miles from me- not really a problem there! We still IM at least 4/5 days a week!

The 2nd one- we met, had a lots of sex whenever we got together for 9 months! It petered out [so to speak] the last month! She lives 560 miles from me- more now since I've moved. Been several years since we last talked! She had a PhD in Psychology- think about it!

The 3d one- we met, had sex for two days [BJs & muff munching for me]! Very nice lady and wish it had worked out! She lives 270 miles from me- more now since I've moved. Been several years since we last talked!

The 4th one- We never met- came close! Wanted to move up here- I didn't have the room then- there were other things that happened that raised red flags! After talking to a very helpful, kind lady here about it, I nixed it! Just wasn't right! That was a few months ago! Haven't talked to her since! I still have feelings for her! She lives 310 miles from me- more now since I've moved.

The 5th?- We started chatting about 3 weeks ago- she has everything I'm looking for in a lady! Hopefully, If it works out, we'll be FWB and have fun together! Both are looking for no strings attached- seems to be going well, our emails are growing a little longer each time! If it works out, I'll be one happy MF! She lives 98 miles from me, has her own house- perfect!

Can online dating work? There are two couples I know of, found out it can and I'm happy for them! I've had fun, I've had my ups and downs- it's life!

One thing I know for sure- expect the unexpected, if it doesn't work out- keep at it! Another thing I know for sure- do nothing and nothing will happen!

Gotta roll with the punches! Good luck in your searches!



Sep 29 @ 1:43AM  
As most people will know I met my fiancee (see first comment on this blog) on here.
We started off with e-mails, then I'Ming, phone calls and finally I got my passport and flew over to see her (it was the first time I had flown for over 20 years and I had never flown alone before). I was nervous of the flight over (never been to the US before then), anxious about meeting Crissy and wondered if we would get on as well as we did online. Now I can not wait until we are finally together as I miss not having her goofing around and making jokes at my expense. She makes me laugh when I don't even want to smile at times and I truly have found my soul mate. What I am trying to say is that you should take that chance, just make sure you let those closest t you know what you are doing for your own safety and have a back up plan if things don't work out (that is one thing I didn't have but luckily I have friends who live about 400 miles from Crissy so had it not worked out then I could have stayed with them).

Sep 29 @ 3:14AM  
Since the early/mid nineties going back to the old dial up BBS systems (I believe one evolved into Matchmaker), I have met around 75 women in person from online. Only two were bad encounters. One was a fraud (oddly enough that was the first person I met) and the other was bipolar.

My current roommate and I met from Craigslist and she came out here from New York once we got acquainted on the phone. That was over 13 months ago.

People are people, no matter where and how you meet them. As long as everybody has been honest and is who they say they are, and looks like their picture, it is cool. Time should be spent before meeting on the phone as opposed to online.

Once you meet, a restaurant is good start, often it becomes quite normal rapidly and you feel like you have known one another for months and things just take off. However, there have been times where two good people get along but the chemistry from the text runs and phone conversations simply does not happen in person.

Falling in love with somebody you haven't met? Never happened with me. With most people that takes months. Some folks are easily infatuated and that can combine with being in love with the concept of being in love. Very dangerous, particularly if you are the only one of the two feeling that way.

I would seriously consider getting a handle on that. A lot of people of either gender are repelled and turned off by people that are clingy and sticky. If someone is too enchanted and captivated too soon, they come off as very needy. That can queer the deal very quickly.

It is always best to view it all as two people meeting that are becoming friends. Then, you merely enjoy the journey without worrying about the destination and let things take a natural course. However, if we are talking about hundreds or thousands of miles (you never really indicate how much distance is involved), then that is another matter, and another blog for you to post and us to comment on.

Sep 29 @ 6:51AM  
Take the chance! Take the chance! Take the chance!
Never give up, alybai, never give up!

Sep 29 @ 8:41AM  
Thank you for sharing, go for it.

Sep 29 @ 9:07AM  
I have met a few men from here.....
none of them were serial killers.....
My only problem is one guy that lives here that constantly tries to contact me.....
He's not a stalker.....just really, really horny!!!

And I'm like you.....scared of being hurt again.....
But I'm more scared of living my life out alone....

Go for it girl!!!! The worst that can happen is that you lose something you never really had.....

You never may be worth the risk.....

Sep 29 @ 9:09AM  
Go listen to the song "The Rose" and your answer lies in that song!
Its the heart afraid of dying that never learns to live!

Sep 29 @ 9:13AM  
The female comments are so positive! I'm happy to see that!

Sep 29 @ 11:04AM  
Aly, as long as your homework is done
I've learned you can never just say whether you can or can't trust someone, regardless of where you meet them. There are good and bad people no matter where you are looking. On and off line. Use caution, and go at your own speed.
Trust is a major issue with me. But I've also learned that if I never put myself out there to find out, I will never find out. Good or bad.
At least I do know that if I run into bad, I have wonderful friends to help me through it. I've learned that from experience.
Life is too short not to enjoy it and be scared all through it.


Sep 29 @ 11:10AM  
As long as you are cautious and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, take reasonable precautions and go for it! Better to find out what can be then to spend the rest of your life wondering!

Good luck!

Sep 29 @ 11:34AM  
All too often I find people with the same problem...We all want to believe that people are basically honest...But, alas, that is NOT true...especially in the on-line community.

One should never be afraid to make on-line friends, or progress to messenger and phone with them...How else can you discover the type of person they really are?

Actions always speak louder than words...and no matter how you try to hide it, habits will always control your actions...It is so easy to promise someone anything, and come up with reasons (excuses) later.

But the signs are always there....before you commit your heart...LISTEN to that nagging little voice in the back of your brain....It won't steer you wrong...

I probably haven't said anything new, but there you have it...

Sep 29 @ 12:58PM  
Well you know my thoughts on this subject since we talked about it on the phone this morning! So for once I will just shut my mouth

Sep 29 @ 2:40PM  
Be Careful, things are not always as they seem. But you have to try or you'll never find what you are looking for.

Sep 29 @ 2:52PM  
Take the chance Aly................It may be well worth it, as my honey said, when its right.........its right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sep 29 @ 3:46PM  
Life is to short to not take chances. Yes sometimes things dont work out and it hurts but in the end its all just a learning experience for the next round.

Which is worse? Going through life alone and unfulfilled or taking risks and getting hurt sometimes but still having the chance to experience love. Everything is life has its risks if you spend all your time in fear you miss out on a big world out there.

You know my story and if you want to know what I do to make sure the guy on the other end is for real just ask

Sep 29 @ 4:38PM  
Be Careful, things are not always as they seem.

And they were not. That is why I don't let my guard down. That is why I don't trust. To me it is not worth it. I am sure there are some great men out there in this world. And someday maybe I will meet one. In the mean time my life is full with being a mom and student.

Sep 29 @ 6:55PM  
I hear you don't know if he is the right one if you don't take a chance. A chance of getting hurt? Is it worth it?

And that is the $64,000 question. For me, the older I get the more I enjoy and cherish my solitary lifestyle. I don't need a relationship to feel whole. So my answer will be different than yours.

But just because you met "online" doesn't make it more or less risky than if you met him in Real Life (tm, patents pending). The history of humankind is replete with con men (and women), taking advantage of people's weaknesses and desires. Much of that social engineering and trust building they engage in happens face-to-face, or over the telephone.

Trust yourself, and your own judgement. Especially when it seems like someone is trying to sell you a bill of goods.

As Reagan use to say, trust, but verify. And do not be afraid to just stand up and walk away.

Yes, you may have to walk away from an investment of time and energy, but not walking away is how con men get you to invest even more time and energy, and catch you in a never-ending cycle of frustration and the notion just a little bit more and then I'll get to the promised land.

I usually chalk those times when I have to walk away as learning opportunities.

Sep 30 @ 12:52AM  
Before the Internet came along, the most common way to meet people was in bars. There was no email, no IM. It was just a case of how horny are you? How into you is she? And how good do your beer goggles work? (And hers, for that matter).

My point is that people are no less trustworthy today than they were before the Internet. It's just that technology has given us more ways to check out potential dates before we meet them in person. In the old days, we just met them in person and figured out the rest as we went along. It was clumsy, risky and fun. If there was something bad to find out about a partner, it was usually too late by the time you uncovered the truth.

I'm a very trusting person and tend to go with my heart rather than my head. Yes, I have been misled by a couple of women because of my trusting nature. On the other hand, having an open, trusting heart means that I've also had some wonderful experiences that I wouldn't have had if I were untrusting and cynical.

Perhaps not everybody lives by the seat of their pants as much as I do, and I don't expect everybody to be as impulsive as me. But technology is supposed to make us more open minded, not more cynical. Strange that it seems to have the opposite effect.

Sep 30 @ 1:07AM  
I agree with Kim about what she told you. Good luck!

Sep 30 @ 12:54PM  
I know I already posted to this blog Tammy but alot can change in a short amount of time. Yes, take the chance. Be careful but take the chance it can be soooo worth it!!!!

Oct 2 @ 2:36AM  
Internet contacts is mostly 'fantacy building". Meaning, you are able to project all your desires on a person, without the corrections you would experience in real life.

My advise to you would be to meet the guy before these "intense feelings" develop. Just for a coffee. Mostly you would know within a minute wether the guy is worth your attention

Oct 2 @ 4:21PM  
Yep,nothing ventured,nothing gained......

Oct 2 @ 5:10PM  
Take the chances. You don't want to wake up years from now and say "I Should have" " I could of"

Chances is waht makes life great, you never know when it could be your last

Oct 5 @ 8:03PM  
Go for it.

Oct 20 @ 3:29AM  
take the chance it could be the real thing i know how you feel went all the way to oklahoma for a guy and got burnt im convinced that theres no one out there for me and im content right now with that but you need to take a chance and see where it goes he could be mr. right.

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Can you trust someone you met online? It start's with E-Mail's