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Joke / Poem : Why It Sucks Being Me ,.......

posted 9/23/2007 3:28:54 PM |
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  guitarguy878

Reasons I'm here doing this & NOT gettin some !

#1) I was breast fed by my father, Mom only liked me as a friend.

#2) If it wasn't for "pick-pockets " , I wouldnt have any sex life at all !

#3 ) I allways get " boooed " by peeping Toms' .

#4) Even hookers tell me " Not on the 1st date " !

#5) I went to a discount massage parlour & it was " self-serve " ,..

#6) My dog even hates me, his favorite bone is in my arm !

#7) I knew my ex was cheating on me when my parrot started saying, " Go out the window, he's home " !!

#8) Even when I was a kid , I was so FUGLY, I had to " trick or Treat" over the phone !

#9) I worked in a pet shop when I was a kid, people kept asking , How big I'd get "

#10 ) I had really bad acne as a kid, 1 time I fell asleep in a Library & a blind man was reading my face !

#11) Now I only smoke after sex,...which explains why I've had the same pack since 1983,....

#12) Found a hooker 1 night, I dropped my pants & she dropped her price & started pointing & laughing !

#13) I was so fugly as a kid, my parents kept the picture that came with the frame.

#14) I knew my parents hated me when they found out I wet the bed,...they bought me an electric blanket.

#15 ) I was feeling depressed & called " Suicide Prevention " , well, 1st they put me on hold & then called me a pussy & tried to talk me into it !

#16 ) 1 time at the beach , I started drowning & the Lifeguard ran over & told me to " keep it down " !

#17) My ex allways wanted to have sex in the back of my van, but she wanted me to drive !!! W T F ??

#18 ) I tried a new version of Russian Roulette, we passed around 6 girls & 1 of em had an STD !

#19 ) I Jumped in a cab 1 night & told him , " take me somewhere , where I can get some action " ,.........he took me to my ex'es house !

#20 ) It's a real bummer when standing at the urinal & I see my ex'es phone number for a good time,.....



I can't win,....I suck at life,...stay tuned !

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Comments:

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Ashinatrix

Sep 23 @ 3:34PM  
StraddleMyNose

Sep 23 @ 4:35PM  
Some good ones you listed there!
DesertSmile

Sep 23 @ 5:08PM  
#11) Now I only smoke after sex,...which explains why I've had the same pack since 1983,....

Now this method might just work for me
thomashinton

Sep 23 @ 5:29PM  
dragonsflame61

Sep 24 @ 11:42AM  
Too funny GG!!! Keep em coming!!!

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Joke / Poem : Why It Sucks Being Me ,.......