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Alright all of my friends, help me out here....

posted 10/5/2006 9:24:26 PM |
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I was just reading one of the forum posts "Pondering attraction". I was reading about people do things, make themselves out to be something they're not, to attract a certain type of person. I don't disagree with this, however should you reveal everything about yourself, when you first meet someone? We all have a past, we all have things in our lives that we would have done differently, if not outright regret them. My question is how long after you meet someone you're attracted to should you share these things? I have a real problem with men (and there have been a few) that meet me, like me, know me for a while, then i tell them about some past issues that aren't issues for me now. I guess i should be specific huh? I am and will always be a drug addict, i'm a recovering addict but an addict all the same. I have faced my demons, been to hell and back, and have been clean for about 4 years. Yeesh, in for a penny in for a pound, lol. I'm also a convicted felon. My conviction was during my full blown addiction, so was over 4 years ago. Should this make a difference? Should i still be paying? Shouldn't the person i am now matter more than the person i was then? It makes no difference that i was addicted to prescription pain killers rather than crack or heroin, an addict is an addict is an addict(i'm sure i don't have to continue). I don't hide this fact, but i don't advertise it either (blowing that all to hell with this blog huh?). I'm not ashamed of the person i am now, i am ashamed of some of the things i did in the past. I've read blogs by another member that mention his battle with alcoholism. Like him i do occassionally have to face my demons, think about how much more i like myself now, deal with the thoughts that creep into my conscious every now and again, and go on with my life.

The man my blogs have been about recently started changing toward me when i told him about my past. I can pinpoint when it started, it didn't occur to me at that time that it made a difference to him. He's spent time with me, talked to me online and off. He told me it didn't matter when it did. He didn't tell me it was a problem for him, he told my alter ego Katie.

Was I wrong for not telling him right away? Was it wrong to let him get to know me before I told him? I was talking to a friend of mine today and she said that i didn't have to tell him, that he never would have known. I didn't become the person i am today by keeping secrets.

I met a guy here on this very site (thanks again Ponme) and we have been talking for a little while now. I figured if i was going to get burned again might as well do it BEFORE is was too emotionally invested. I told him all about my past, all of it. Ya know what he said "Is that it?" It didn't matter to him, didn't change his feelings for me at all. That's the kind of man i want in my life.

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Blogs by belle1010:
People that just don't know when to quit!
Happy Birthday, Baby!
Taking Canu's advice!
Gotta love it!
Giving thanks!
This one's for my favorite pervert!!!!
Happy Birthday Dominus!!!!
Come fuck me, you know you wanna
Thank You
Alright all of my friends, help me out here....
Here's to endings and new beginnings
Men, can't live with em, can't shoot em...
To My Never Ending Surprise
This is in response to Ponme's inquiry


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Oct 5 @ 11:31PM  
Exactly.....I agree with alot you just said. Society will always feel the need to "label" you once you are a convicted felon. My friend Ej was convicted on 5 different felonies and went away to jail today. He'll be there a few years Long as you have people near you who are sober, clean and try their hardest to live life naturally ((maybe an adrenaline seeker?!)) you should be allright. Love is give and take..not all give give give and gone. If it gets too hectic where youre at...then that is fate's way of saying, "time to move on." Kinda like getting yelled out of your own house when youre a teenager, only youre an adult in the town. You can be stubborn and say, "Well Ive just as any right to live my life here and if you dont want to live life with me then to hell with you all!" OR they can continue their own boring life style and you can discover other more intresting lifestyles. Like this gentleman ponme hooked you up with....LIVE your life and take all your expiriences with you because they have made you who you are today and thats a strong person! NOBODY should make you feel weak ((in a bad way)) and no one should EVER make you pay a price that you have already paid. You owe society nothing despite what they may say or think. If the dudes can't handle it then they weren't planning on staying awhile. I totally understand you in terms of not saying everything all up front. That technique works sometimes and sometimes it doesnt. Just depends on the judgement of the gentlemen who plan to use the technique on. If you are ever uncertain, just ask the man. Most men want to be asked, right?

Oct 6 @ 12:21AM  
I told him all about my past, all of it. Ya know what he said "Is that it?" It didn't matter to him, didn't change his feelings for me at all. That's the kind of man i want in my life.

I can see no need in giving further advice. You answered your own question in a way. Each person on the planet is unique in a beautiful way, or beautiful in a unique way, flip a coin here. Even guys like the Cpt Escape you've been telling us about play a role. Big sarcastic thank you to Dom, I've had the song stuck in my head for days now! Pressing forward now, There are those people who come and go in our lives that only help us to refine what it is we are looking for. Even Ellen has a role to play in people's lives, currently, she's residing on my milk carton.....
So the answer to your question would be, each person is different, you have to play it by ear.

Oct 6 @ 12:58PM  
Heh and he darned well better behave or I will stop being his faerie godmonster!

Oct 7 @ 9:49AM  
First of all, Belle - thank you for sharing such personal stuff; self-disclosure is a risky, risky thing - you are an awesome person for opening yourself up like that!

No doubt, there are things about my past that I may not be particularly proud of, but nor am I ashamed of those things. Who I was 20 (damn...25) years ago is not who I am today - at all. Never-the-less, I would not be who I am today had I not been through, and done, all that I have. If someone doesn't like something they've learned about my past - if it changes how they see me or feel about me - so be it. I am who I am; I can't change that. And I sure as hell am not going to hide it.

But do I tell someone right away? No...not unless it comes up. Will I lie or go to my grave keeping these things from him? No - never. To really no-mi (heh-heh) is to know these things about me. Want to know? Ask me - I'll tell you. I just prefer to do it privately...that's just me.

Now, about sobriety and addiction. Addiction is something I deal with every single day of my life - and have been for the last 26 years. Alcohol, coke/crack, and pharmaceuticals...but not for me. My best friend has been sober for almost 8 years, my mom for 3 (though not by choice)...but gone are 2 of my oldest and closest friends, my only sister, and now my boys' father...Anyone who holds being in recovery agaisnt you is a narrow-minded, self-serving, shallow fuck. If they only knew how hard it was to walk your walk...

I, personally, think you're pretty amazing!

Oct 9 @ 5:52PM  
Hurray for you Belle!!! I can emphathize with you...I don't go into details about my soberiety...usually just "I don't drink...I just don't like to" is sufficient. If not.."you couldn't carry enough alcohol in the trunk of your car if I got started" will convince them I really don't need a drink! Some people are intimidated enough by this...I'm not going to go into the garbage of my past unless it happens to somehow come up. The people who need to know about it; my sponser, my family, my judge, know about it.
I'm with the rest...YOU GO GIRL!!!

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Alright all of my friends, help me out here....