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What's that? Get a life? Get lost.

posted 9/16/2007 3:58:19 AM |
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  HER_NIGHTMARE

It is, without doubt the most irritating of modern expressions, though "no-brainer" runs it close.
"That's un-Australian" is up there, too, unless used in that peculiarly Australian fashion, as in replying to the inquiry:
"Excuse me, Miss, do you have any beer that isn't chilled to -25C?"
But the scornful putdown "Get a life" is way out infront for mine ("for mine" also finding a place in the top 10, by the way).
Thus you could understand my chagrin when this wild-eyed harridan spun round, looked me up and down as if I were something that had just hauled itself out of the primordial slime and invited me in no uncertain terms to get an expletive-deleted life.
And all because I had mildly suggested to her small son that he might consider not pressing his grubby thumbs into any more of the chocolate eggs on display at the supermarket checkout.
Standing behind them in the que, I well remembered how harrowing it was trying to control small children with so much in touching range - she had an even smaller one riding shotgun in the trolley and was trying to keep its sticky mits away from the groceries she was unloading.
But the eggsterminator had now rendered half a dozen chocky eggs unsaleable and I figured, well, I'd help her out with a quiet word...
It is tempting putting trays of lollies out at ankle-biter level beneath those magazines mums browse but never buy.
And these eggs were the exciting ones that contain tiny plastic press-together kits to make models of windmills, cows, minesweepers and the like, which adults construct and put on top of their computers and kids leave lying around on the carpet to maim unwary parents walking in the house with no shoes on.
"Don't do that," I saind in what I hoped was a firm but friendly fashion.
He stopped in amazement, little fist poised to inflict grievous bodily harm on yet another piece of confectionary.
I smiled reassuringly while the child gaped, apparently pondering what this strange person had said, and whether it had any relevance to him. Who knows, maybe this was the first time in his short life he had encountered "Don't".
Whatever, after a moments consideration, he was happy to dismiss it as a concept he neither understood nor considered relevant. He grabbed hold of another one and started to squeeze.
"Don't do that," I repeated with the slightest edge to it, "Or I'll lock you in the spider cupboard you little sod".
If you remember British comic Joyce Grenfell's wonderful nursery teacher monologue, well, this was a fair imitation of her "George, don't do that" line, though delivered with an accent leaning more towards Mad Max than Home Counties jolly hockey sticks.
And it attracted his Mum's attention.
"You talking to him?"
"Yes," says I. "I was asking him not to wreck any more of those chocolates, he's busted six of them already, Mate."
"Well," she snapped. "I can look after him, thank you very much."
"Fine, so do it."
She grabbed the little boy's hand and muttered something not even toddler-sized egg vandal should have to hear.
"Nice," I said. "That year at finishing school really paid off."
And that's when she said it.
Get a life.
I suppode I should have replied that if it was a life where the likes of her and her scabrous offspring could be kept in fenced compounds, then I would be only too happy to take up her invitation.
But you don't like to make a fuss.

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Comments:

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Redhead131

Sep 16 @ 4:09AM  
ROFL....
bentan

Sep 16 @ 4:41AM  
Parents who do not put boundaries on their kids really have no business calling themselves parents. It's a crying shame when kids have to learn their lessons from strangers.
xSUCKERPUNCHx

Sep 16 @ 5:11AM  
LOL

you need to proof read.
HER_NIGHTMARE

Sep 16 @ 5:12AM  
Shut up!
PrincessKissy

Sep 16 @ 7:45AM  
Too freaking funny dear! And quite like something I'd say myself!
NachoBaby

Sep 16 @ 7:56AM  
Hey Nighmare... Get a...







yeah you thought I was gonna say life.. but that's not it.. nope.. not at all..

GRIP! On that little choco wrecker's mum's throat and shake boldly til the bits come back into contact with reality.
str8ngr84u2

Sep 16 @ 8:34AM  
When children are screaming in stores around me, I calmly say to their mother (well I assume it is mom) "That's nothing a good ol'fashioned ass whooping wouldn't cure." Great story, very well written (even if you didn't proof read..hehe).
Ashinatrix

Sep 16 @ 8:36AM  
Didnt you have another child related blog about a lost child??

You will make a fine parent someday....

No sarcasm....really............
BusterHymen345

Sep 16 @ 10:18AM  
*sigh*

Yeah, "get a life" is lame at best...

So, I've become fond of responding with..

"Can I take yours?"
Ewe_Wish

Sep 16 @ 10:29PM  
Too funny, btw is getting a life, in her definition, to breed more rude people, cause if thats the case, please dont get one!!


Good blog. kudos To you


btw I have missed you, glad to see your back!!
Pudge2you

Sep 17 @ 9:11AM  
That is a damn fine fine blog... BTW I happen to have a life for sale.. slightly blemished but cheap!

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What's that? Get a life? Get lost.