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LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP AT THIS 'TIL WE GET IT RIGHT

posted 9/14/2007 7:44:07 PM |
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  tetons

Way back in the wa'ay back, i recall a Twilight Zone episode; A couple were driving along this black & white road, and picked up a hitchhiker who turned out to be a robber or criminal, or something. He'd rob the diner, shoot someone, then make the couple drive getaway. There'd be an accident, and they'd all be killed. Next thing you know, they're drivin' down the road with the hirchhiker up ahead. Slight changes in circumstance, or nuance, may have transpired, but all in all, the same results; They're killed, they awake, and do it all over again.

They developed suspicisions. They thought maybe they had done it before. The last line of the show was, "I guess we gotta keep doing it , 'til we get it right." So I've been seeing my Ex, ex-wife recently. That's married twice, divorced once, separated the last four years. I've thought of her since the divorce, as my perfect soulmate. But i keep making the mistake of telling her hidden truth's about myself. Stuff that's been kinda naggin' at me, since it's been hidden below the surface, so much. It seems that each time we're together again, i figure it's safer to reveal stuff, cuz there would be a deeper understanding between us.

Between the divorce and second marriage, i decided to confirm or deny my suspicions about my sexuality. I had thought it possible that i was gay, and i hadn't had the courage to want to know the truth. I was a jock; and a womanizer. I loved to flirt. I mean, on a probability scale, you run into so many people maybe once, and for the briefest of moments. Oughtta take a shot, right? Which led to more encounters than a married man is supposed to have. But when she left, it was because i made it so little fun, that she had to leave.

With my new found single status, and almost all the money in the world, i jumped back into the night life in Chicago. And took the opportunity to see how the other half lived. Being the slow and studious type, i watched, and i watched. It was all quite thrilling. And extremely arousing. At first i was afraid i had been right. It was gonna be REALLY bad for my image. The family. My legions of fans. Naturally, i kept my secret. So the liberation was buried by the agony. And then i realized that i was no longer looking at the transexual performers as men, but as women. And i was focusing on their boobs, and not their schlongs. When's the last time you heard that term? I digress.

Now what this really lead me to discover, was that i was bi-sexual. But i used the whole five years we were apart for research. Of course i fully planned to bare my soul before we got married again, but somehow in all the excitement, it slipped my mind. So i told her later. She didn't take it as well as i had hoped. And she left again; 'Bout fours years ago. I didn't even think about a divorce, cuz i didn't want to marry her a third time. Turns out i saved the legal fees. So yesterday we were planning what my penance would be. You know, the "Whatta 'ya gonna do to make this right?" shit. Seemed simple enough. Deny any feelings for any other creature, male or female, and just be a dutiful partner, head down, eyes on the prize. I've heard tell there's people out there can actually make it work, so i was Sincerely gonna give it a try. Towards that end, and in the interest of sharing a littlle background with my buddy, i told her i had probably cheated in every relationship i had since gradeschool. I hadn't, but you know how guys like to pad the numbers. The only thing she focused on was that i was revealing that i was unfaithful to her.

Guess there's a lot to be said for new relationships. You can usually get all the background crap out of the way: Hi i'm a bi-sexual recovering alchoholic manic depressive golfer, serially unfaithful. Wanna play russian roullette??

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Blogs by tetons:
THE TRIP: TIME ON MY HANDS...
ROSES R RED
CONFESSIONS OF A LAPDOG
"SO I SAID TO MYSELF, I SAID, 'SELF' ..............."
TWO'S COMPANY; THREE'S An ORGY
THINGS CHANGE
LIFE , THE UNIVERSE , AND EVERYTHING ELSE...DA
LIKE A WHISPER, IN THE NIGHT
LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP AT THIS 'TIL WE GET IT RIGHT
HOW COME THEY CALL IT GAY , IF NOBODY'S HAPPY???
HEY PEDOPHILE: GET OFF MY SEX SITE!!!
SO I"M FU&*IN' HUMAN
MY AMD SPACE
SUNDAY MORNING COMIN DOWN RANT**** I STOLE THIS TITLE From P M....
WHAT GOOD R STANDARDS, IF U CAN ADJUST THEM??
MY APOLOGIES, AMD............
WHERE'S THE FRICKIN' KUDOS ??
SO ... SO ...
NEW DAZE
MEDICATION TIME.....MEDICATION TIME !!
HOLY F&%K BATMAN; THIS IS A SEX SITE ??
PEACEFUL MEANDERINGS OF A TORTURED SOUL
IN DEFENCE of TROLLS
SUPER BOWL SHUFFLE, i didn't come here to cause no trouble
the last word on bitchin' blogs; STOP


Comments:

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ladybootscooter

online now!
Sep 14 @ 7:51PM  
This makes me grateful that I barely speak to one of my ex husbands and haven't spoken to the first one since 1983!! Good blog!
dridge

Sep 14 @ 8:33PM  
Hi i'm a bi-sexual recovering alchoholic manic depressive golfer, serially unfaithful. Wanna play russian roullette??
How'd you know?
borty293

Sep 14 @ 9:34PM  
Once again a well written, thought provoking blog ...yes our histories tend to repeat themselves and I can't stop logging onto this damn site nor can I stop washing panties...
NachoBaby

Sep 14 @ 9:36PM  
Turk it's good to know yourself, but I think you might be being just a touch too hard on you. thanks for sharing the story though.
Lisa46

Sep 14 @ 10:19PM  
maybe you should go ahead and keep your head up?? Tough decisions my friend good luck on what you decide Turk
slohand_47

Sep 14 @ 10:33PM  
Ever consider that your heart just really wasn't in this get together, so you told her exactly what she needed to hear to dump you? I've seen a number of guys do things that pisses their partner off enough to leave..... so they didn't have to go through the hassle of breaking up the relationship.
Just a thought........
maggiemae1969

Sep 14 @ 11:27PM  
Life is strange huh?
redbronze

Sep 15 @ 12:01AM  
Turk I think also that your too hard on yourself.. Humans and well most animals are basically bi it is just that no one admits it... I like men I like them a lot but every so often a woman comes into my life that I fall in love with. Smile.. I do not usually act upon it but there have been times that the love for this woman has been so intence that I can taste it. Smile.. If she (le Ex) cannot accept nor understand it then it is her not you.. Sometimes we get stuck on auto replay and wish things that just never were there.. I have a friend back home that I absolutly adore he tells everyone around him that he is gay but when we are sitting at his house talking about life he tells me he is actually bi he does love women.. Strange how this is that he is really open with me but not with others.. But he also know that I do not sit in judgement.. smile we are all ceratures of the Earth and that this is it a life that is lived this one time and we must allow ourselves to be.. I think this is what is really intended not all the social strictures that are placed upon us..

Just be the beautiful man you are and know that you are loved.. Smile
Ewe_Wish

Sep 15 @ 2:48AM  
I am so glad to see you back here among the ummmmm......living!!??!! I have found as time goes by that there isn't really anything we can do over again, and thats including relationships.......especially relationships. Once that water has went under the bridge, theres no turning back. BTW just for future reference, if you plan on doing your fourth and fifth steps again, probably isnt the best idea to do them with someone your in a relationship with or hoping to have a relationship with. Just doesn't seem to work very well after that.


Good blog sweetie and welcome back.
casuallylooking

Sep 16 @ 10:40AM  
Hi i'm a bi-sexual recovering alchoholic manic depressive golfer, serially unfaithful. Wanna play russian roullette??
You play golf? I find it boring.......
Seriously, Turk, keep your head up and look ahead. Hopefully now that you've found you, you'll find your happiness.


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LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP AT THIS 'TIL WE GET IT RIGHT