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posted 9/14/2007 3:07:58 PM |
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I ended a six month relationship yesterday. The longest relationship I'd had in a while. You know the saying, "People don't change."? Oh yes they certainly do! Only the changes my boyfriend went through were not good ones.
I don't understand why people just can't say what's on their minds. Be honest for a change, instead of hiding behind white lies and innuendo. Hiding behind the guise of "protecting someone's feelings".
My now ex-boyfriend is a high level exec for some company and travels a lot! He also owns his own business, so guess what? His weekends were always tied up, too. Now that I think back on it, we were lucky to get the spend the one evening a week we had together.
Now during the course of our relationship, he told me he loved me. He told me how proud he was of the good job I was doing raising my son on my own (he has no kids), that he would never hurt me and would always be there for me, forever! He said that he saw a "future" with me.
Then three weeks ago it all came to a screeching halt! The first week he had to travel to Detroit and Cleveland for meetings. We were supposed to get together that Friday night, but his boss dumped some trip to the US Open on him (some client schmooze thing) so that blew our plans. He was up in New York for the weekend, and had to be back in Cleveland the next Tuesday. Wednesday he drove down from Cleveland to his home in KY to get ready for his trip overseas. Drove up to Chicago that Wednesday night. He called me from the road, and barely had anything to say to me during the 20 minutes we talked (our usual phone calls might last anywhere from 45 mins to two hours!). He said he'd call me again later that night, or from the airport in the morning.
Thursday morning rolled around and I hadn't heard from him, so I called him. He was waiting at the gate for his flight, and there was so much noise in the background that I could barely hear him. Needless to say it was a short call. So, doing the math, that's two phone calls so far. Just before we hung up he promised he'd call me Saturday morning, depending on the time change, from his overseas destination.
Saturday came and went, Sunday came and went, no phone call. Ah, but he did send me a text message letting me know he'd made it. He called me at work on Monday. I told him I missed him very much. His response was, "You do?" but he never said he loved me or missed me. We chatted about 20 minutes and hung up.
He said that he'd call me from his next destination, but I never got another phone call after the one on Monday.
I guess I'm such an ogre that he couldn't stand to hear the sound of my voice, so he began texting me.
Finally, the light bulb above my head went off, and I realized he wanted to end things but was too chicken to tell me. He'd gone off on people who use email as a means of communication because it's too easy to misunderstand what someone is trying to say.
But what choice did I have since he wasn't calling me? Finally, Thursday night I sent him a text message saying, "I know you're busy right now, but when you get home, as soon as you can make some time for me, I think we need to talk about us." The response? "Okay. We'll talk when I get home. Catch up a little."
Catch up a little? Since when did I become some stranger or friend that he hadn't seen in a long time? Catch up a little? I just don't get it.
But- the more I thought about it, the more hurt I was. I was good to this man. Available to him when he had free time. Never bugged him about where he was going or who he was going with. Never asked him the names of the hotels he stayed in. Never asked him to call me when he arrived safely.
Catch up a little? Hmph!
So- last night, mustering every ounce of courage I had, I sent him a message saying, "I can't do this anymore." The response? "Sorry." So I then said, "I'm tired of being pushed away because you can't or won't give me what I need." Response: "I thought we were going to talk when I get home?" I said, "There would be no point- you've made your feelings quite clear over the last three weeks!"
Thus cometh the end of the relationship.
I'm saddened by this. I really loved this man. I thought we had a future together. And the worst part is, I don't even know what went wrong!
And do you know what I needed from him? Love. I just wanted him to love me. That's it. Plain and simple.
Guess he couldn't handle it, eh?

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Sep 14 @ 3:23PM  
I am so sorry sweetie. I know that doesnt help, but sometimes its better to have it end than just let it continue to be bad. That affects your self worth. Your in my thoughts and prayers!! Time will help!


Sep 14 @ 3:36PM  
Love. I just wanted him to love me. That's it. Plain and simple.

That is a seriously powerful statement right there. For what ever it's worth, I am really glad to see you here again. Sorry to here it's under these circumstances.


Sep 14 @ 3:48PM  
Sorry to hear your hurting.Id say,it sounds like he doesnt deserve your company anyway.Pretty damn crummy not to call.Just call?Damn.Thats cheap.To say"I love you,then that kind of treatment?Well Id say his definition of love is not the same as yours.Watch out for that in the future.Ask them what love is to them.Another thing,if someone starts saying it wayyy to early,It CANT be true.It takes a long time to really love someone.Unless you knew them for quite a long time as friends before hand that is.But a stranger,naaaa.I hope you will have the stregnth to move on quickly.Remember,we learn mostly about ourselves from failed relationship.WE might not know exactly what we do want,but definately have a better idea of what we dont! Best of luck to you! Mark ps,you might reflect on this little stretch of time in your life someday and wonder what you were thinking.

Sep 14 @ 3:49PM  
Generally speaking, people avoid confrontation. Yes, there are those who will go out of their way to start confrontation..... but thats another issue.

I avoid it if possible.... and so do you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have ended it by text instead of waiting to see him in person. From what you wrote, it appears obvious you were not getting your emotional needs met. I don't blame you a bit for ending the relationship.... but my opinion is irrelevant.

How do YOU feel about your decision after some time to reflect?
IF you are having second thoughts.... you could always apologize for the message and ask if he is still open to having that talk. It may not save the relationship, but you may (or may not) get some answers to your questions.

IF, on the other hand, you are ok with your decision, then just take some time to grieve the loss you are feeling. The day after always seems the worst.... running through all the "what if's" in your mind. You will feel better someday...

Sep 14 @ 5:58PM  
I remember when somebody I was dating decided to let me go after dating for six months. What I remember most was one thing she said and I have found to be true ever since. That being that usually at the six month point, there is a tipping point. Is there potential to go farther or not. It is phrased very simply by a single yes/no question, is this who you want for the rest of your life? I tend the thing you two had different answers.
Some people (women do it also) take the Douglas MacArthur approach...old soldiers never die, they just fade away.

Sep 14 @ 6:53PM  
I just wanted him to love me.

It is sad. We don't ask for much in life but a man to love us. I feel the same way.

Sep 14 @ 7:23PM  
Big ol squishy huggles help?

Sep 14 @ 7:29PM  
And do you know what I needed from him? Love. I just wanted him to love me. That's it. Plain and simple.

Most men could have the world in their hands if they only understood this one little factor......... Love and respect go hand in hand.... he totally disrespected you!

I understand and completely agree with you. It sucks when somebody just crushes your hopes and dreams and doesn't even have the BALLS to tell you what is happening ~ leave you hanging, wondering and hurt. I am so sorry for your pain Sunshine... but it's his loss, you will find someone better for you! Chin up girl!

Sep 14 @ 7:43PM  
Stuff like that happens to me all the time, and I wanted those women to just love me. I was not thinking about breaking up, they always did. I think I will just give up on trying and hoping because it just breaks my heart every time. I'm at a point where I don't even want to start anything.

Sep 14 @ 7:51PM  
I'm at a point where I don't even want to start anything.

Welcome to my world, longhorn...

...but you know what? I'm pleased as punch to be on my own. It isn't so bad.


Sep 14 @ 8:55PM  
So sorry to hear that. Hang in there!

Sep 14 @ 10:36PM  
I'm at a point where I don't even want to start anything.

Welcome to my world, longhorn...

...but you know what? I'm pleased as punch to be on my own. It isn't so bad.

Personally I think being alone sucks!! Yet I keep trying to find the one man who will rock my world and not just sexually. I mean in the heart, I'm so sorry sunshine!

Sep 14 @ 11:37PM  
Sorry for your pain girl, but know that when a door closes another will open! Just hang in there and take care of yourself! Never settle for someone you can live with but someone you can't live without!

Sep 16 @ 2:40AM  

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