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I need your help!!!!

posted 9/13/2007 2:00:14 PM |
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tagged: sex, writing, sex toys, community, help
  totallytaboo

I had an offer to write a review for sex toys in exchange for MORE sex toys. My credit card is going to be thrilled now. Since I've been away my collection has grown quite a bit, and now I won't shop unless I have a coupon... but they want to give their shit away to me! All I have to sit down for a few hours and punch out on the ole keyboard how they were and what I think. Pretty easy, right? I'm just sitting here, staring blankly at what to put in my writer's profile. I'm fucking stumped. I've never been at a loss for words and all I can do is just shift in my seat, look at the screen and blink. Durrrr...... What do I say? That I'm a narcissist? That I'm only interested in MY pleasure and could care less about theirs? lol. I could share a little of my experience but it definitely wouldn't apply to a huge demographic of shoppers. I suppose I want to come off as friendly and knowledgeable, knowledge I am but I've never been much of a people person. What can I say to appeal to every day women and men that want to get their money's worth?

I need some help!!! Any Ideas?

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Comments:

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sepsl45677

Sep 13 @ 2:03PM  
You and I need to experiment together with these toys extensively!!!!
LUVME2TEAZU

Sep 13 @ 2:16PM  
okay if they want you to write a review on the toys you have already what you do is take out the toys on a piece of paper jot down the specifications of them then take one play with it... keep a mental note on how it makes you feel then jot that down then do you clean up on them keep a note on if its easy to clean etc... then do the same with the other toys. If you can take a pic of the toys individually put a pic of the toy and a description along with your review I hope this helps.
Wordsofwit

Sep 13 @ 2:54PM  
If you have any aspirations of being serious writer or journalist, I would a pen name and a brief bio of how many articles you have written and highest educational level, nothing more. You may also want to go to their site and see how other writers deal with it.
BuddhaDon

Sep 13 @ 3:11PM  
Since I'm trying to get into your pants, LUVME2TEAZU and Wordsofwit offer sound suggestions.
onions2006

Sep 13 @ 5:20PM  
Write how they worked sooo well that you are simply speechless!
dridge

Sep 13 @ 5:35PM  
My only suggestion would be to handle it much as you would handle a resume', be succinct and honest. No one likes a rambling resume' and dishonesty will only come back eventually to bite you in the ass. That's all I can suggest.

Peace,

Don
darthmaul

Sep 13 @ 5:36PM  
What can I say to appeal to every day women and men that want to get their money's worth?

I would guess that they'd want to know if the reviewed item was good, bad or indifferent. Hell, you could have a review scale of 1-5 (or 10) orgasms. So, a "5 orgasm" rating would be DA BOMB, and a 1 would be "almost not worth writing about". You can comment on the appearance, the design and quality of construction, and if applicable, battery life. So, you might have a review summary like this:

I'm forced to give this product a "2 orgasm" rating. It should be a "fiver", 'cause it shot me TO DA MOON in 3.2 seconds, but I had to ding it because it ate batteries like a football player eats steaks, and the quality of construction was so poor that it ceased working after the third use. Like an ex-husband, lots of fireworks in the beginning, but not so much staying power.
ynot7769

Sep 13 @ 6:08PM  
think ......''instructional video'' and write what you'd see .........in your mind ........(not make video lol)
asnet

Sep 13 @ 6:41PM  
Yeah ... focus group participants around here get $100 a pop for this kind of thing.
xcfrog

Sep 13 @ 7:01PM  
go get yourself a taperecorder and hit record right before you start playing with one of the toys. be vocal, express yourself. later on listen to it and see if you are inspired to right about it. if not, since you are a narcissist, at least you have a vocal recording of yourself getting off to listen to next time!
Bendover151

Sep 13 @ 7:01PM  
First, let's face it you hit the mother lode so it is important to get it right and keep the gravy train running.

So that said, you seem to think that your narcissim is a bad thing here. What do you think the customer is thinking? What is going to send them to the moon or farther. Write from your own perspective and views, they will relate to what your customer is looking for more than you think. As an example, there are a kagillion diffierent vibators on the market. Why? Because everybody is different and also because a bunch of them are trash, your readers are trying to figure out which products are right for them. So use them. Which worked, which were easy to use, which felt comfortable in your hand and anywhere else you may put it, which are easy to clean and hold up over time. Which one is going to do the job as promised? Remember the reader doesn't have the advantage of trying the product first so they are counting on you for your opinion and input. The pleasure of the many is in your hands. LOL Good Luck!!!
SexPet

Sep 16 @ 8:50AM  
That job should SO totally be mine.

Congrats to you though

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