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Water, Shots and Sex

posted 10/3/2006 4:56:02 PM |
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  decaturnooner

My doctor (a childhood friend but still a nazi) made the following suggestions yesterday.

Lose 35 pounds.
No more sugars, starches or breaded meats.
Exercise

Exercise isn't a problem, I do that now. I can still run faster than my 13 son and all of his friends. I can still make the full speed pullup 19-footer from the elbow. I can still cut without twisting an ankle or knee.

I understand this helps me in the bedroom as well but I digress.

Losing weight has continued to be an issue with me. It isn't that I am unwilling to lose weight, I am just unwilling to modify my diet to do so. Now I have to and the #1 suggestion was...

Drink Water!

I hate water. If there was a stronger word than hate that is the word I would have for my feelings against water. My theory is: If I can see the bottom of the cup clearly, I really don't want to drink that. My doctor told me "tough shit" and thus I am encouraged to drink water. He said if I really commit to the h2o then I wouldn't be as zealous about going back to the abundance of sugared drinks (pop and OJ).

So, I am drinking this stuff. 128 oz per day is the suggestion. I have drank about 48 oz so far today and...pissed 8 times!!!

I am also taking insulin shots to attempt to regulate the level of sugar in my body. Regulate? Not quite the word I have for sticking myself in the side of the belly at the moment but hey what do I know. I do consider it a blessing that Nurse Ratchel (Canu's future mistress) isn't administering the shots. Her hands would have frozen my belly in the process.

Sex - I can only think of a couple of times that sex hasn't been appealing. Going to my first nude beach in Indiana and getting my reality check as a result - after the births of my children - after any male figure skating olympic event - and right now. I have absolutely no spunk (pardon the expression) at the moment. I don't even want to touch myself sexually. I know I have had enough contact with my Shemp today, as I have pissed over and over again.

This sucks but...

I love your encouraging letters and messages. I love the song. I love the support. Thanks all of you. You are helping more than you know.

Chris

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Comments:

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ponme

Oct 3 @ 5:30PM  
Two words for ya.. crystal light....

my auntie swears by it.. makes drinking all that water reasonable .. so she says.
decaturnooner

Oct 3 @ 5:54PM  
The way I feel right now...

Crystal Meth is under consideration!
JJN4Fun

Oct 3 @ 6:48PM  
Decatur - you never cease to make me laugh! Your sense of humor about this whole situation will, I am sure, make adjusting and coping much easier than if you had none :)

I can't back you up on the water issue, though, dear; water is so essential to life! Try different kinds - get off the tap crap. I know - PAY for water? Yeah, pay for water. I find that spring water tastes the best, but that's just me...

Gee, for a Water-Bearer you sure aren't very water-friendly!





JJN4Fun

Oct 4 @ 1:51AM  
Looky there - me and ponme made a decatur sandwich!
decaturnooner

Oct 4 @ 9:12AM  
The king is surrounded by sexy women...

as he should be (the king is feeling better - beware)
ponme

Oct 4 @ 12:51PM  
Ooooh and lookit that sammich again.. no calories, it's exercise and it won't raise his blood sugar. I think we have figured out the answer to the problem!

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Water, Shots and Sex