Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to city hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until the wedding was over. I saidm "But Sex has played a big part in my l ife and my world revovles around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon I tood the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began the dog ran away. Another comtestant asked me why I was just lookiing around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped that they have Sex on TV." He called me a showoff.
When my wife and I seperated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case come up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn trouble with that dog than I ever forsaw. Why just the other day I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but has now left me forever. I could not live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, get yourself a dog."
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