NO these are NOT true stories they are just damn funny !
The Sweetness of Married Life
A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses.. '
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those ho rs d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
'But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO ANY DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?'
And...they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story? --
MARRIED LIFE - MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP, SUCH A HAPPY ENDING !
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
God works in Mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting.
I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's nothing left of them, but we're unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished
but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle ,
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap
back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with them.
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