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Who's Reflection Is In Your Mirror?

posted 8/23/2007 2:35:24 PM |
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When I was in college, I switched my major from Accounting to Psychology and then back again. I love working with numbers, but the human mind has always fasinated me. How it works, why people seem to think the things they do, and occassionally how to get inside their heads and figure out who they really are.
Well recently, I discovered for various reasons that just can't be done, most of the time. Or if we truly care about that person we sometimes let certain things slide by and make our own excuses. For whatever reasons...Like our own insanity, for instance.
So, as of lately I have been reading all the blogs (old and new), old emails,a lot of the forums and many, many profiles and essays. So many say they want honesty and are themselves honest to a fault. Including my own. No, I haven't always been this way. I have an ex husband ( divorced 20 years ago.) that would gladly tell you my faults. Hell, I don't hide them. I take blame where it is mine.
But in my many hours of reading and comparing I am left wondering why some of the people on this site are here. When I came here, I was ready to try and meet someone and see where things could go from there. If anywhere. But I knew that I had to be totally honest because I had hopes of meeting someone. If I lied about anything, someday they would find out. Then what?? And I feel that if you don't give honesty, how can you expect it? And I expect it. Just doesn't mean I always get it.
In the midst of my reading, something struck me as odd about something that someone had said recently. So I read everything I could find about and from this person. This is a person I like, but have now discovered that I can not trust anything they say. I found quite a few lies wrapped up in pretty little packages. Not any that will hurt me. Not any that I think will hurt anyone else but the person telling the lies, for now anyways. But this person must be really lonely to tell these lies to gain attention from people who consider them a friend.
So if someone tells this sort of lies, did they ever really expect to meet anyone here? Or was it all just a sham from the beginning? If you don't want to meet someone or get to know someone, why be here? What IF you DO meet that one person and you really like them, or even fall in love with them? Then what? How do you explain everything? And if the original answer was just to make friends....why lie? Friends like you for who you are or they're not worth being your friend. And even friends decide to meet sometimes. Then you have to tell more lies to cover the others or to keep the meeting from happening.
If you think it might be you I'm talking about, maybe you should look at why you are doing this and just stop the lies. Before you or even someone else does get hurt.
Why can't some people just be who they really are?

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Aug 23 @ 2:40PM  
Some people don't even know who they really are.

As for me I always lie and that's the truth.....

Aug 23 @ 2:47PM  
Very good blog, and I gotta agree with Pudge, but I'll say most people don't know themselves, not some people.

Aug 23 @ 2:50PM  
Lies are to much trouble. I just tell it like it is and if people don't like it then they don't have to like it but I find it much easier to keep up with the truth than a lie. If you tell one lie then you have to tell another one even biger to cover that one and I'm not that good at it so why even try. Besides that my memory isn't that good. Good blog Trease and a kudo sugar.

Aug 23 @ 3:00PM  
Everyone lies, Trease, simply everyone. The hard part is to tell when it's actually a lie or if it's a sin of omission, or if it's just being polite and not wanting to hurt anyone else. Almost everyone will lie when cornered, in order to save their own asses. I'm sure that there are exceptions to the rule, but (and I'm not lying right now) everyone does to some degree.

As for people who make up stories to make themselves more interesting? It's more to do with them feeling inadequate. Sometimes, just sometimes, a person has lied to themselves enough that they believe the lie. (if you have studied psych you know about false positives) In fact, I'm in the midst of telling myself a big lie until I believe it.. they call that affirmation.

Once you catch someone in a lie, you have to decide if they are trying to deceive and mislead you, or convince themselves of something. Once you have ascertained that they are trying to mislead you, then you have to decide whether to take it personally or let it be their problem. My vote is.. it's their lie, their problem.

Above all, always remember, we hate most about others what bothers us most about ourselves.

Aug 23 @ 3:04PM  
But but but Treas.....................I told you from the beginning I wasn't really a sheep!!!!

As we talked about this prior to your writing the blog, and than afterwards....there may be many reasons why this person lied. But your right, in the end those lies will only hurt the person who made them. I'm like Max, I have a terrible memory, so I have to tell the truth cause I would never remember the lie.

Aug 23 @ 3:09PM  
Nacho speak Heap Big Truth.

Great blog, Trease.

It's amazing that you can find out more truth about Brittney than you ever wanted to know, and still have people lying to you on a dating site.

We need a better internet, one that automatically sucks away everything but the truth.

Aug 23 @ 3:17PM  
Just a few days at Guatanomo bay and we can have him speaking the truth forever more.....

Aug 23 @ 3:35PM  
I don't like lying either it gets to confusing. So I tell the truth which is probably why I'm still single i don't know how to play the " game" great blog and one of my kudo's to you (don't tell pee pee head) I'm trying to have sex with him

Aug 23 @ 3:46PM  
Okay explain that one to me. How are yur kudos gonna get you sex with somebody? Is there a store you trade em in at? Are you flatterin somebody with Kudos? Whats the deal? I don't know anything about that gaem right there so school me to it.

Aug 23 @ 4:57PM  
I tell lies so outrageous that people couldn't possibly believe them. It's just for amusement though...if anyone actually cares to ask me, I tell the truth about who I am.

Aug 23 @ 5:09PM  
I think (yep I do that sometimes) again its the stigma of the internet.People log on here to become who they want to be other than who they are.... well some do. Most I am sure figure no harm no foul.... I dont believe that the majority of folks come here with the full intent to cause emotional /physical distress to anyone.... I simply will not believe that the world is full of more evil than good .... stupidity yes but thats not a crime .....

wonderful blog ....

Aug 23 @ 5:11PM  

DId I see Lisa giving a Kudo?

BTW, I'm not a pee pee head, I've outgrown that fetish.

Aug 23 @ 5:29PM  
my real me is 39x1, then some days a hormone heavy 13 and cant tie myself down with 1/2 inch cord. Who am I...

Aug 23 @ 5:45PM  
OMG when I looked in the mirror this morning there was some fat old wrinkled broad with dark circles under her eyes & wearing my glasses there! I didn't recognize her at all!
Good blog Treas!

Aug 23 @ 6:36PM  
love to tell you i have all the answers.....but shit somedays i'm not even sure i got the right fuckin questions...........i DO know that some people.......will lie before they tell the truth.....something to do with how they're brought up ......and i believe fear has something to do with maybe an abused child.....will lie to avoid a beating........and eventully lies AUTOMATICLY.......not even giving thought.......or realizing it would be even EASIER to tell the truth.........there's no thought just auto pilot.........

Aug 23 @ 7:07PM  
My older sister lied all the time and still does, she doesn't know the truth from a lie anymore. Watching her grow up, she's 4 yrs older than I, I despised her for her lying. My Parents even took her to a doctor for it, that's how bad it was. He was unable to help her. To this day I hate lying and if I try to lie it makes me literally sick to my stomach, so I don't do it. Yes, I have hurt some feelings and have had to learn to just keep my mouth shut at times, as I don't want to hurt anyone and some can't handle the truth. So I guess my thing is omission of the truth, to save feelings.

Aug 23 @ 8:53PM  
there not lie's, just little fib's, lol

Aug 24 @ 1:14AM  
I am completely nuts and everyone knows it ....I am simply unable to hide behind nuts because there is more nuts behind that ...and that is the where the fuck did Ash put my teeth...

Aug 24 @ 9:06PM  
So many say they want honesty and are themselves honest to a fault. Including my own. No, I haven't always been this way.

No one wants to be completely, totally, thoroughly honest. No one would want to be around you (or me) if we where.

Language, in fact, is designed to prevent or ease confrontations. One of my favorite verses:

Words can be deceptive and coy and too much emphasis entraps resentment.

which leads to the old proverb of someone being so honey-tounged that he could tell you to go to hell, and you'd be happy to be on your way.

As an experiment, try being straight-up honest with everyone. Here's a what-if:

When one of your girlfriends asks you what you think of her new dress, which she seems to be enthusiastic about, and which you think sucks, what precisely do you tell her?

a) Oh, I think that dress is awful. Please take it back, or at least don't wear it in my presence.

b) Oh, I think it looks fine on you. But my opinion doesn't matter, yours does. Do you like it?

I'm thinking you're going to go with something much closer to option b) than a).

You told me Vader murdered my father!

That's true, from a certain point of view.

Indeed, Master Kenobi.

Sep 9 @ 1:19PM  
And that's no lie

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Who's Reflection Is In Your Mirror?