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the things ya do for love.......

posted 8/23/2007 10:58:29 AM |
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  maggiemae1969

I got this in the mail and wanted to share...... then I want the fellas to tell us to what extent would you go?

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair And now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next
few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out
of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the
bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them
apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair
right off. No muss, no fuss How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a
genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA
THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I
get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I
can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of
all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line,
covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside
of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning,
I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I
think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me
so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no
hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair, the hair that
should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in
cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember.. my foot is still propped up on
the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot
water melts wax!!!

I'll run the
hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse
the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them
glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot
water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied
myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put
in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the
bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause.
She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but
she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I
can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number
on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone
else's night.


While we go through various solutions , I resort to scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered
in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....
the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really
have
to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream
probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo
painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty
congratulation from my friend and she hangs up

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now that's funny . Notttttttttt
Send this on to other ladies who need a good laugh

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by maggiemae1969:
House of cards
Karma account
Inspection
Mother nature
She is so nice........
Shoes
My love affair
Fall line up
Home vs Apt complex
Who played
Are you
Lucky me
the things ya do for love.......
I can breathe
the air quality
Salvation Army
Gated Community .......
,
BHM? yea thats right BHM..........
Prices
Have ya noticed
LMAO tell me
I am SO looking forward to
bill withers
OH the power that you have


Comments:

post a comment!

Lisa46

Aug 23 @ 11:02AM  
oldie but goodie!
nusouthorigin

Aug 23 @ 11:09AM  
Okay first off, to all the ladies...
Man I appreciate everything ya'll do in the way of makin ya selves look cute/sexy/beautiful whatever. And ya'll do a damn good job of it. I do trim down there, but I can't say that all the things I do compare to even half the shit women do (make up/shave legs/wax or pluck eyebrows) You eternally have my respect and admiration. And to think all you get in return is slimy ass dudes oogelin ya drunkinly from the barstool next to ya.
just4fun669

Aug 23 @ 11:29AM  
....this is the blog that never ends......
casuallylooking

Aug 23 @ 11:40AM  
You eternally have my respect and admiration.
Damn, it's a shame he is so young. If he is for real, a woman could easily fall for him........ Especially with comments like that all the time.
lickrick

Aug 23 @ 4:02PM  
Honey, Would you pass the baked beans and deviled-eggs?

I "DO" "FEEL" for ya . . . Don't throw this kudo away with that box!

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the things ya do for love.......