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Sex Horror-scope

posted 10/2/2006 1:25:55 PM |
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  Sherotica

Someone posted this at myspace... yes, I'm a member there... funny how much time I find myself spending at myspace. ...and I'm bored most of the time I'm there, but on occasion, someone posts something fun. I'm a libra/scorpio cusp girl... I guess that explains why I'm oversexed. Here goes:

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) --

Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea the fates smile on them from time to time...they just accept it an move on. You can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them. They are strong and responsible and have dignity. But they are too easy to turn on sometimes. And watch out when they are horny...whoever is in the room better have protection. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks. they like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Usually durinig commercial breaks is perfect. Its nothing for a Cappie to fuck seven or eight times during commercial breaks in an hour long T.V. Show. They like to do it in the shower...on the furniture...on other peoples furniture...on other peoples' beds...Cars...Tents...boats....yep, if they are in the mood...it could be at the Presiden't inaugeration...get ready for some nookie!
They love to bite.
They might seem at first sight of them rather cold and insensitive.
But when they warm up?
There is no stopping them.
They like to have the back of their knees licked.
They live for tongue massages.
They think porno is just SILLY...who thought THAT up? But they will watch it to see if they are missing anything.
Give them dim lighting, a roaring fireplace and a nice bottle of wine...you might as well reconcile yourself to the fact that you better leave the phones off for the entire weekend and order food in. Look for those Tauruses. , Capricorns.
They like to play games...as long as they are in charge.
This is a misunderstood sign...they can be very kinky. As long as it is with people they love.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

--Don't tease them. It will only piss them off. Taureans are realists. If you say that you are horny: Prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy indulgers, though. All forms of indulgence: Sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot get enough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex. What they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and endurance. Okay...so they may not be into bondage, okay? But they WILL lick you until you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out...whichever comes first. Taurus uses their tongue for EVERYthing...and I mean that. They love to lick people in whipped cream, alcohol, chocolate, flesh and candy???Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship so be kind to them.
Capricorn and Taurus's are best matched. They equally share desire for one another when making love. Watch these two when together, no fire is stronger. They also have a BIG wet thing for scent. Sometimes they don't want a lover to bathe before sex. Or you may find them shaggin in a garden or a greenhouse...to smell the dirt: After all, they are Earth signs.



LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)--

If you fuck up just once with a Leo...That's IT. Don't be expecting them to take you back. They are not willing victims, after all, they CHOSE you...you screwed up? They can UN-Choose you just the same. They live for Menage a Trois...or Qua...or Cinco....anything in a group is okay as long as they are in the middle. Leos also like bubble baths. Once you start with a Leo...do not think you can just turn their emotions on or off like a switch...they demand satisfaction. NOW. All the stress in the world ends up in the Leo neck...They need neckrubs...they feel like they have the entire weight of the world on their head. If its kinky, a Leo has probably done it..You know Madonna's a LEO, right? She masters the Madonna/Whore/Goddess thing pretty well, huh? I wonder why? Could it be cause shes a fuckin' LEO? yep. Valmont was probably a Leo. They probably have the movie at home. Get out your furry gloves and faux mink whips for this kitten. they love soft floggers and there is a specific spot on their back right above their tailbone that is heaven to them where if touched right will actually make them purr...you think I'm bullshitting you? Try it, I dare ya. Leo likes doing doggystyle that's a given. As long as it feels good, but leos also like missionary if they are in love with there lover that is the most intimate position as you two look in each other eyes. Their underware is always..er..interesting to say the least, if they are wearing any. They LIVE for boudoir photography. They LOVE to be photographed. If they can afford a nude or semi nude photo of them..do it now. Leos are born and bred to be porn stars...even if they act prude about it..they have thought about it. The best sex partner is a Scorpio leos love them... Rubies jewels usually are their love. Love to have their hair brushed and played with. You had better be vocal in bed with them...they want to hear how well they are doing. If a Leo has chosen YOU as a mate. Just accept it and enjoy the ride. Be prepared for anything. They have no problem tying you down. They ARE the naughty school teacher, the pirate captain, the gypsy king and Cleopatra all rolled into one.





Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept. 22)--

This is the MOST confused sign on the planet. This sign is pretty realistic: No Frills. They love to fuck in showers not because it's kinky...but because of hygenic reasons...they are big into sanitary issues. Every Virgo I have ever met has issues...always going back to hygiene. They have to arrange time in their busy scheduals to have sex...But when a reservation is made...You had better be there on time, if not a little early. With flowers. And Clean.
Virgos want to make their partner happy. That's it. USUALLY. You will always get a freaky Virgo. Even so, they will TRY to get YOU to cum. And if they can't make you cum, they will buy someone or something that will.
Yes you read that right.
They LIVE to masturbate...whether its you rubbing them, them rubbing you...them rubbing against your fox fur coat...whatever! Some Virgos WANT to be punished. They will do naughty things to be caught so they can be punished. They are perfect for Aries who want to punish SOMEBODY. Anybody! Pretend rape scenes also turn on Virgos. As long as they know they are secretly safe. If you have ever seen the Carnival Rape scene in 'Henry & June' this is a Virgo wet dream. Also all Virgos like to see Camel Toes...what's up with that? Sherlock Holmes was probably a Virgo...or a repressed Gemini.




aries (March 21- June-5)

LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes, Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries...If you don't feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell Th

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Dominus

Oct 2 @ 2:00PM  
Oops--looks like you ran out of space, Sherotica. And I wanted to see what it said about us evil scorpios.
Sherotica

Oct 2 @ 2:25PM  
Damn.. sorry.. I'll post the last few...
Thanks for noticing I ran out of space.

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