AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

Why Women Are Crabby, lol

posted 8/15/2007 8:51:12 AM |
2 kudosgive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
tagged: joke
  dragonsflame61

: Why Women Are Crabby
Body: We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.




Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.



Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.




Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.



Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.




Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. "Just one more good push" (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.



After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.


Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?


When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.



So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.



Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...


So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the "weaker sex?" Yeah right. Bite me.



Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by dragonsflame61:
Poop at Work, lol
The Colonoscopy
Turning To Stone
Father & Son
Drivers License
What was the Question again???
An Italian Grandma's Advice
Gotta Love those Seniors!!!
Panties on the plane (no offense please)
LADIES!!!! URGENT!!!!
A funny story....
Marines & Tampons (A Great Story)
Why Women Are Crabby, lol
Sex Survey!
Believe it or not, Real 911 Calls
Sex Survey, take it if you dare!
Doctor Boo Boo's, LOL
Over 30, LOL
Wondering???


Comments:

post a comment!

NachoBaby

Aug 15 @ 9:28AM  
Yeah, what she said!
slohand_47

Aug 15 @ 9:39AM  
And with all that, some don't even need a reason to be homicidal.

But....... we luvs y'all anyway ! !
countrygirl288

Aug 15 @ 9:55AM  
You got it right there.....but men don't really get to have multiple orgasms...so I guess I'll stay a "girl"
darthmaul

Aug 15 @ 5:55PM  
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

Oh, come now. Y'all can piss in the woods without soaking your socks.

It just requires more skill...

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2014 Online Singles, LLC.
OS-WEB01
Why Women Are Crabby, lol