The Satire of Dating and Mr. "Sometimes McMaybe". posted 8/14/2007 11:52:18 PM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: rants, writings

lunanegra

Just something I wrote,venting about my frustrations in the dating world.This targets "everyone and no one" and is meant for a good laugh.If you take offense,you're one of those people,if you laugh you're probably one of those people,and if you weren't amused at all,I fail at life.


How I wish for a relationship.I have someone in mind,but he only cares "sometimes".Sometimes I miss you,sometimes I think about you.Sometimes,sometimes,sometimes....I just want to bang my head against the wall *all the time! * So yeah,it leaves me to go out into the jungle which is the dating world because "Mr. Sometimes" here can't override his indecisiveness. *sigh*

Dating wasn't as easy as it was when I started as a teenager.Now its a hook-up culture and tiny subsets upon subsets of dating and their additional subcultures that I have to wade through.Emotional complexities and the red tape I have to cut through with the stops and starts,the selfishness,the games, drama,and downright weirdness.You know the ones I mean: "We can date,but I have to see if its okay with my girlfriend/wife". "We can date,but my girlfriend/wife cant know." "We can date,but my ex-girlfriend/ex-wife is very jealous." "We can date,but I still love my ex-girlfriend/wife."(Thats the one I fucking love to hear!) "We can date,but my 'baby's mama' still loves me or is jealous." "We can date,but if my kid(s) hate you,you're outta here." "We can date,but my wife and her girlfriend and her boyfriend want to meet you too." "We can date,but I think I'm gay..ask my male lover here;but hey,we can always go shopping together!" "We can date but you refuse to do anal so I can't". "We can date,but you don't look like Uhura from Star Trek,so we can't." "We can date,but you don't weigh 12 ounces." "We can date,but you weigh way less than a ton,so no." "We can date,but oops,you only graduated high school,and thats not good enough." "We can date,but my parents hate you." "We can date,but you probably like rap music and may rob me." "We can date,but its 420 time..huh?What were you saying again?" "We can date.Hell,I need another submissive/slave breeding female in my compound." "We can date,but I sense 'negative energy' from you and I don't think my coven would like that." "We can date,but you use a Visa,I only date girls with an Amex card." "We can date,but you don't look like the typical black girl I see from the P-Diddy videos." "We can date,but my dog would be jealous...very jealous." "We can date,but you have a low eyelash count and your smile is slightly crooked." "We can date as soon as I'm on parole." "We can date if you accept Jesus Christ as your one true savior and vote Republican." "We can date as long as you only speak when spoken to and fix me a meal after sex." "We can date..but is your 11-year old sister available?" "Skip dating,I want to get married right now because I'm sure I love you and I want you to give me 10 kids!" "We can date,but General Emanuel Omubutasdafas-click-click needs you to send me your bank account number to transfer funds and all and you will receive 10%.." "We can't date because I just want to fuck,is that okay?" "We can date,but you're not atheist and so that makes you an idiot." "We can date,but you don't like 'American Idol'. " "We can date,but I'm cleaning my gun and fixing to travel to the White House tomorrow." "We can date as long as you know how lactate.I miss my mommy." "We can date but I have 5 business meetings today,here,here's my Amex card,treat yourself." "We can date,but I'm kinda busy playing the latest Final Fantasy for the umpteenth time this week." "We can date,but do you mind if I wear this fursuit while we have sex?" "We can date,but your favorite band/movie sucks." "We can date,but my shrink says I have a lot of issues to overcome before I can again." "We can date,by the way,I have a daughter your age,maybe you 2 will become close friends." "We can date but my folks want me to date this girl instead." "We can date,but my religion forbades dating." "We can date,but my girlfriend/wife is in labor right now." "We can date,but you're not a leggy blonde,brunette,redhead caucasian." "We can date,but I like for my women to have batshit insane issues,and you..you're just too normal for me." "We can date, as long I can wear your lacy boyshorts on our date tonight." "We can date,but before we do, help me bury this body here?" "Podemos fechar, tan pronto como usted me consiga este greencard." "We can date,but can I just be your collared slave instead,Mistress?" "We can date,as soon as you read this copy of Dianetics for me."

I could go on,but there's no need.If you take offense you must fall in those following descriptions;I know I do.Most of those I wish I were kidding about,but although a bit "satirical" that is what people tend to face in the dating world nowadays.So many complexities and nuances that make it so damn hard.So, "Mr. McMaybe" don't you see the reason now why I make a big deal about us being together? I know me and my situation isn't the best right now,but cant you see a good thing for what it is?

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