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She Can't Miss What She Never Knows

posted 8/12/2007 6:20:28 PM |
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tagged: grandma, family, anger

Most of you know that I have an beautiful, fabulous, intelligent, funny, vivacious three year old daughter who means the world to me. (Can you tell?? ) And most of you also know that I have a baby boy on the way who will mean JUST AS MUCH to me. I feel extremely blessed to have two kids in my life as the doctors told me a long time ago that my chances were slim to none of ever carrying any more children to term. I have lost four babies, so to have these two, needless to say, is my dream come true.
Well, this last pregnancy has been very hard on me. I don't know if it's because I am thirty now, or because my bones and my body are in such horrible shape from the accident I had before I gave birth to B, and the surgery I had before getting pregnant with G, or because I now have a toddler to run after ninety per cent of the day. But, that's OK, because I LOVE running after her. I'm in good company; that's what I had her for.
Anyway, most of you also know that my mother passed away a very long time ago, when I was nine, and my fafther is in ill health. Granny (Dan's Granny, and MINE, I claimed her) passed away in July of this year. So that leaves B and G with only one set of Grandparents, Dan's parents. While I love Dan's parents and appreciate absolutely everything they have done for us, I must say that as far as Grandmothers go, his mother doesn't win the prize.
I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. Ever since B has been able to walk and make a mess and fool with her perfection - she loves perfection, especially when it comes to housework, and that and a three year old does NOT mix- she has basically tried to avoid watching my daughter at all costs. I have a pelvic fracture that has started to re-seperate due to me being almost 38 weeks pregnant and carrying so low. I had to go to the hospital the other night so we called her up, thinking that she would sit here with my daughter while I got checked out just to make sure I wasn't in labor and that my leg wasn't going to fall off- but instead she drug my daughter out at midnight and took her home with her. And the minute my daughter woke up the next day, she was calling wanting one of us to come get her, knowing the doctor had given me two percocet and two ambien and that I am not used to being drugged up like that, also knowing that Dan was tired from being up with me at the hospital all night.
I took B to daycare three times last week, spending a whopping ninety bucks that we can't really afford with our new addition on the way, because I had several doctors appointments and also was up with B who has a double ear infection two nights in a row- and I just HAD to get some sleep. She'd call me up and ask if I needed her to watch B, but always interject that she hadn't had much sleep or she felt bad or this or that or the other. The last time she asked, I just simply told her that it was up to her. She gave a kind of 'eeeaw' sound, and I said FORGET IT I will take her to daycare. My point being, if you don't want her there, I DON'T WANT HER TO BE THERE. This is your loss, lady, because it is a PRIVELEGE to be around my daugther, an absolute joy. I know that I shouldn't be surprised, because my sister-in-law's kids are not close to her either. She won't even let her ten year old grandson in the kitchen with a cup of water. IN THE KITCHEN. The other day we were at the pool and it started to storm, and we were all sitting on her porch getting drenched by the COLD rain, and she didn't even offer to invite us in, because we all had damp swimming suits on.
Dan went down yesterday and told her that the doctor said I needed to rest, and had to have help, and he wanted to work out with her if she wanted to pick B up or us to bring her down there, and she replied that we'd work it out later. Dan said NO we would not either because when we do that we wind up taking her to daycare.I couldn't believe he said that! Dan thought I was sending her down there tonight but that's not the case, because my appointments tomorrow are not until three p.m. I'll call and see if she is going to watch her while I go, but I can almost garauntee that she'll ask if I'm going to utilize the daycare tomorrow... or any time this week.
I just think it's sad that my daughter will never know the kind of grandmother MY mother would have been... and WAS... I grew up with some of my nieces and nephews because my mother had us late in life. She was a fabulous mother (though ill) and a fabulous grandmother. I can't remember a time when she didn't have all three of her grandkids- AND US. And she enjoyed every minute of it. If she were still around, we'd be complaining because she never brought B. home.
Dan tries to force his Mom to look after her, saying that he doesn't want B to miss out on having a grandmother. But my feeling is... she can't miss what she never knows. And she will never know what it's truly like to have a grandmother. And that's OK, because I will be here for her. And G. And I've already told Dan that they won't be picking up just G, it will B and G or just B. They're not just going to watch G because he's a baby and can't frick with anything.


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post a comment!


Aug 12 @ 6:20PM  
The other day my daughter told me that Mamaw liked her better as a baby. That broke my heart and I have been angry with her ever since. Wouldn't you be?


Aug 12 @ 6:37PM  
I totally feel for you! My mom is an incredible grandmother, and I only hope that if I am goign to have kids, that I have them before she is gone so they can know that unbeleivable unconditional love my mom showers all 8 of her grandkids with! There isnt anything she wouldnt do for them! And yes, i feel for your daughter, not to know that love of an incredible grandmother, you were lucky to have your mom! And B is lucky to have such an incredible mother and roll model as you!

Aug 12 @ 7:03PM  
Sorry sweetie my mom was that way with my sister's two kids. She didn't want anything to do with them until they were older. To this day it is common knowledge mom likes the son better than that daughter which really pisses me off but I gave both my love equally and they both know it! So don't worry just tell your children about the wonderful women YOU had in your life and let them get to know them thru your memories oh one more thing honey


Aug 12 @ 7:17PM  
I've been lucky with my Mom being a good Mamaw to my daughter. But her "Other Grandmother" is a different story. She lives here in town, yet my daughter wouldn't know her is she stopped and said hello to her. Like her son, she is an Alcoholic, so I don't mind at all. It is them that are losing out. My daughter only knows my family and she knows they all love her to death!!!

Aug 12 @ 8:30PM  
My dad is that way. He was good to my girls when they were young but the older they get the meaner he gets. So, I just got to the point that I don't take them around him so they don't get hurt. Their feelings are more important.

It's hard that their dad's parents are great grandparents so it's a hard image to live up to, but my dad won't even try so I do what I have to to protect them. I know it sucks but it beats the agrivation they give you when your trying to clean up their mess.

Good luck!!

Aug 13 @ 3:15AM  
Being a Grandma, I just don't understand things like this. I talk to my grandchildren almost everyday.sometimes 2-3 times a day. I see them as often as possible--they live about an hour and a half away from me. My daughter and I argue sometimes about whether I can take them a certain weekend or not casue I just took them back a few days ago. She tells me that she wants time with them too.
I know that I will never be able to leave them much when I am gone. But they will have memories of time together that will bring a smile for the rest of their lives.
And they will Always know just how much I love and cherish them. No matter what age they are or will ever be.

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She Can't Miss What She Never Knows