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Things designed to give you great satisfaction

posted 8/9/2007 11:45:19 AM |
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1. Sex
Good old fashioned scrogging. It just doesn’t get any better than tossing your load while feeling up some boobs and hearing your name being screamed in ecstasy. Unless you hear my name. That’s even better. It means the girl you are with is “h3llraza approved”.

2. Masturbation
All of the rewards with none of the work. You won’t have to buy dinner, drinks, 15 minutes with a hooker, or duct tape and a van. All you got to do is get away from the crowd for three to five minutes and concentrate a bit. It is almost like having a cheat code for sex... except the sex is with yourself. Well I did say “almost”…

3. Taking a shit
Nothing like dropping yesterday’s lunch after a hard days work. While some would say the morning shit is the best, others swear by the afternoon dump. Me… I like them all. Not just for the relief factor, but for the five minutes of peace. For some of us, it is all the quiet we ever get to flip through our favourite magazine or newspaper.

4. Bacon
Bacon is the nectar of the gods! Ever wonder why so many religions frown upon it? The same reason they frown upon sex; because they suck. Without bacon we would not have the goodness that is bacon grease. Without bacon grease the world would be an unhappy place where children cried on Christmas and women had a period every day of the year.

5. The internet
Mix high speed free porn and the ability to bitch randomly at people you will never meet and you have nothing less than awesome. Add all the spam to that list and you have just this side of awesome, which is still pretty good. Throw in more free porn and you are back to having awesome.

6. Legal and Illegal drugs
Everyone needs something to ease their minds after a long hard day. A cold brew, a fat joint, a racked up line or a loaded syringe always hits the spot. The human brain was only meant to function for so long while sober. Don’t argue with my science: it is more fun to just believe it recklessly...

7. Sword fights
These battles are fun for both the spectators and participants. At least once in his life, every man has dreamed of having a nice bloody duel of the steel. It is the manly way to save random hot women from evil villains. Only pussies shoot guns at each other. A real man will try to stab his opponent in the face with a rusty piece of metal.

8. Fishing
It doesn’t matter whether it is ice fishing, deep sea fishing, or just tossing a pole into a stream behind the nuclear power plant. Anytime a person is planning on going out and drowning some bait a good time is sure to be had. Bonus if you actually catch something: especially a dolphin then you can stuff it, mount it and send it to the tree huggers at Greenpeace as a token of gratitude for their great work.

9. The moment of triumph!
Whether it is finally getting your remote programmed to work your VCR and DVD player or shagging a chick you never thought would give you the time of day… or possibly winning a Pulitzer Prize … no feeling is better than knowing you bested your adversary even in the smallest of ways. If revenge is involved, double your satisfaction and move this to the top of the list. If you can somehow fit midget porn into the mix, life will declare you winner by default.

Other things which at least deserve an honourable mention are Elizabeth Hurleys face, Video Games, Elizabeth Hurleys boobs, explosions,Elizabeth Hurleys butt, seeing people trip over,Elizabeth Hurleys legs, The simpsons, and sluts.And by the way did I mention Elizabeth Hurley.

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post a comment!


Aug 9 @ 11:49AM  
Very cute, thanks for sharing!

Aug 9 @ 1:03PM  
LOL, yuck to bacon and fishing! Oh and Elizabeth Hurley..... Cute though, thanks!!

Aug 9 @ 5:27PM  
Yeah I like reading while taking a shit.

Aug 9 @ 7:59PM  
To paraphrase George Carlin " You guys take a shit, Where? and why I leave mine I'm done with it so I leave it in the toilet don't wann take it no place I'm goin' good blog though

Aug 9 @ 8:05PM  
Kudos, my friend........It was a great read on an otherwise ho hum day............!!

Aug 9 @ 8:36PM  
lol@Bora, and I don't give a shit either.

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Things designed to give you great satisfaction