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The Love Calculator...

posted 8/4/2007 7:06:08 AM |
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tagged: humor, love, satire
  South_Of_Main

Just the other day I was surfing online when I heard that little ‘ding’ letting me know that I had just received another email. Curious as to what it was, I opened up my ever bulging inbox. Was it a joke that I had received from a friend? Or maybe it was a message from my daughter in Kentucky. Could it possibly be a note from one of my nieces or nephews? Maybe it’s my newest contract for me to print, sign, and fax back to my employer.

Nope! It was none of the above. Lucky me! Just when I have completely given up the hope that I will ever find that wonderful man I’ve been dreaming about for years, I’ve received a link to the “Love Calculator”. Even daring to think about the subject line of this message causes me to ponder just how accurate this particular calculator could be. I mean, really, calculators are quite accurate, aren’t they? The mere word, ‘calculator’, brings me great visions of incredible high speed accuracy. And to think that there has been a love calculator, lurking somewhere out there in the deep dark recesses of cyberspace without my even knowing it makes me ….

So now, here I am thinking to myself, what the hell? All my friends know that although I enjoy spending some of my time alone, I would love nothing better than to find a really sweet man to share my life with. Do they even know that this miraculous invention even exists but somehow neglected to inform me? Are they truly my friends or have they simply been stringing me along all this time hoping that I do not learn that such things exist, while plotting nefariously to keep all the goodies to themselves? Luckily, despite the fact that I’m now questioning the loyalty of my dearest friends, through the kindness of complete strangers I’ve now been informed of its existence!

Suddenly, I stop. Do I really want to click on this link? What if it reveals the dreaded truth, that possibly, I could indeed be destined to face the rest of my life, without finding that soul mate, that I’ve been seeking so fervently? It’s almost like trying to decide that if you were going to die tomorrow, would you really want to know the day before. Sure, many people say they would want to know, but do they? How would they handle it? Would they go out and have the biggest impromptu party or celebration that they could drum up or stay home, completely paralyzed with fear? If I click this link now, right now, and learn the worst, how would I proceed going on with my life? Would I accept that fate and join a convent? Or would I keep on plugging along, knowing I might as well be banging my head against a wall somewhere?

Wait! What if this highly accurate device brought me good news? Now what? As the indecision about learning the fate of my life takes its grip on me, a sharp chirping noise brings me back to my senses. Phone? Laughing at myself, I realize that yes, it is my phone and its ringing! Answering it, with a mumbled “hello“ I listen intently to the caller. “Plans? No, I am available that evening, and yes, I would love to spend some time with you”, I reply.

Well I guess that the love calculator is just going to have to wait a while. There is no way I’m taking a chance on learning my fate right now. I just want to be able to enjoy my date.










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Comments:

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LilGriz

Aug 4 @ 9:23AM  
With all the technology out there, machines have sometimes made more a mess with our emotions than help them. For me to totally rely on a machine to say this is the perfect one, well, that is to be seen. You could be matched by a number of formulas, but only the human mind/spirit should make any type of final decision. But that is just my opinion.
Lisa46

Aug 4 @ 9:24AM  
well how was the date???? Love Calculator let me know if it works!

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The Love Calculator...