Daily news

Menus:

* "Ham and Cheese - $2.50. Cheese and Ham - $2.90." -- On a menu.
* "Our whipped butter is made with margarine." -- On a menu.
* "7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings." -- On a menu.

* "We dare you Burger for two (Served on a Stretcher) - A Whole Loaf of Crunchy French Bread running end to end with Broiled Hamburger topped with melted Yellow American Cheese, Lettuce, and Tomato. Accompanied by a mound of French Fried Potatoes, Red Pepper Relish, Ketchup, and Pickle Wedges. Delivered to your Table by Two Waitresses on a stretcher." -- On a menu

Signs:

* "Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays." -- On the bottom of a pizza parlor's take-out menu.

* "Parking for drive-through customers only." -- A sign at a McDonald's in California.

* "We are Handicapped - Friendly. For example, if you are blind, we will read the menu for you." -- A notice in a restaurant.

* "Eat Here - Get Gas" -- A sign at a gas station.

* "Hot drinks to take out or sit in." -- A sign on a cafe.

* "You can't beat our meat!" -- A sign on a restaurant, now closed.

* "Our Infamous Steaks" -- A sign at a restaurant in Raleigh, NC.<

* "Now Hiring / Sausage Biscuits / $1" -- A sign at a McDonald's.

* "NOW HIRING / TWO FRENCH DIPS / FOR TWO DOLLARS." -- A sign at an Arby's in North Bend, Washington.

* "Please consume all food on premises." -- A sign at a Souplantation restaurant.

Quotes:

* "Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" -- Asked of a waitress.

* "Just the chicken." -- The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.

* "Would you like cream and sugar with that?" -- Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.

* "Do you want cheese on that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.

* "You want fries with that?" -- Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.

* "Do you want onions on that?" -- A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.

* "Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"

* "Do you get rice with your fried rice?"

* "I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." -- A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.

* "Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" -- A waitress.

* "Which of these coffees did you want with cream and sugar?" -- Asked of a customer who had ordered two coffees, one with cream and sugar and one without.

* "Do you want that in a bag?" -- Asked of a customer who ordered coffee to go.

* "Is this for here or to go?" -- Asked of a Dairy Queen customer at a drive-through window.

* "What's the difference between the 1/4 pounder and the 1/3 pounder?"

* "What's the difference?" -- Asked of a waitress when asked if the customer would like breadsticks with or without cheese.

* "Sir, we only have one thousand island dressing." -- A waitress, when asked for two thousand island dressings.

* "How many pieces are in the eight piece chicken deal?"

* "How much is the $1.99 popcorn chicken?"

* "Is the honey mustard sauce sweet?"

* "Is the spicy chicken just spicy or is it hot and spicy?"

* "Would you like the sale price?" -- A fast food worker, asking how a customer would like to pay for his order of two special sandwiches.

* "That's not an animal. It's a mammal." -- Cafeteria worker serving shrimp at a public high school.

* "Does your ice cream contain dairy products?" -- A customer at the drive-through of a fast food restaurant.

* "Excuse me. These ham and cheese rolls -- do they have ham in them?" -- A customer at a bakery cafe.

* "Don't you guys have them 99 cent Whoppers?" -- Asked of a Taco Bell cashier.

* "This is to go." -- Commonly said by customers at drive-through windows.

* "I'd like a large Pepsi pizza." -- A customer ordering pizza over the phone. After saying this, the customer was heard saying to someone else with him, "Wait, Chuck, is that right?"