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Sometimes I Wonder...

posted 8/2/2007 9:15:10 PM |
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tagged: family, worry, children, nerves

Am I insane? Have I completely lost my mind, bringing children into this world?
Lately, it seems as if there is a new pedophile on every newscast as well as every street corner. I see and read about kidnappings and abductions from kid-themed restaraunts, Playlands, Theme Parks, and even neighborhood playgrounds.
I recall- a very long time ago - when it used to be SAFE for my seven year old sister (I was six at the time) to walk all the way to our downtown (small town, of course) without fear of abduction, rape, pedophilia, abuse, or worse. We knew everyone. Everyone knew us. If a neighbor saw us get into trouble, they had as much right as our own parents to swat our butts or punish us in some other fashion. But they were never abusive about it. I could take a popsicle from my neighbor and KNOW there was nothing in it to harm me. I could visit the old man down the street and put coal in his stove for him and KNOW that he wouldn't touch me in any inappropriate way. When he gave me a hug, it was a hug to say "Thank You for helping me out, Little One." - And not to cop a feel on my eight year old frame. I could take an apple from him for a snack after all my hard work and know that there was no 'ruphie' hidden in it. \

I suffered abuse in my adolescence, due to some things that happened in my family. I was raised in Foster Care after the age of nine. A lot of you know this - and a lot of you don't. Later in life I knew what it was like FIRST HAND to experience rape and sexual abuse. But I was tough by then. I'd been through hell and back. I knew that if I could stand to see my father lying on the ground with six bullet holes in him that my Mother put there, and then watch the preacher pull her collar up over the rope burns on her neck as we dressed her for funeral that I COULD get through anything. And, I wasn't a pre-pubescent child who trusted adults to keep her safe. By this time, I no longer trusted anyone. So maybe that is sadder still.

Even sadder are the parents that have children that never needed a child in the first place. The drug addicts who abuse, neglect, abandon - even trade their own children for their habit. The parents who have child after child to collect more welfare to support their habits, while their children starve and wear clothes unfit cave men. I saw a report on the news about a man and his girlfriend letting their three toddler girls out of their sight, the oldest and middle were barely clothed, and the eighteen month old was naked. They were found playing in a thunderstorm in an abandoned lot where a house had been bulldozed. There were spikes, nails, jagged boards and a plethora of other dangers present in that site. Worse still, when the four year old led the office to her home, the officer found no furniture, only trash, debris, dirty diapers and pest infestation to the windowsills in the living room. He also found rotting food and filfthy dishes in the kitchen. The parents were sitting in the back room watching TV, and when asked where their children were, they shrugged and said they didn't know.

How do you NOT KNOW? How do you not keep your eye on your precious little toddler daughters every minute of every day? How do you NOT do your utter best to keep them well-fed, well-clothed, safe, out of harms way, and near you? How? I can see how you could not know where a sixteen year old is (for a time, but any responsible parent would attempt to find out where they are every minute of every day) -but a four year old, a two and a half year old... and an 18 month old? How do you NOT know?

'Children are our future' - is NOT just a saying. It is the truth. What are we teaching them? That it's OK to act on sexual urges - ANY sexual urges - whether society/God/whomever believes they are wrong or not? That is OK to abuse and neglect their future children, just as they or their siblings or their peers were abused and neglected in the past? That it is OK to live in filfth and squalor and not give a damn about anyone in this world but yoursef? Is this what we WANT to teach them?

It's not what I want to teach them. I want to teach them to be intelligent, responsible, law-abiding citizens who are cofident, focued individuals. I want to teach them to love unconditionally, and judge fairly, if they must judge. I want to teach them that they have the world at their fingertips, and that their fingertips -along with the rest of them, will NEVER be harmed as long as I am here. We are not raising children, people. We are raising young adults. What kind of adult do you want your child to be? I recently read an article about a thirteen year old boy having to register as a sex offender because he was grabbing his female classmate's behind. I don't want my children to grow up like that!

I am afraid to even take my daughter to the Parent's Night out at church, let alone the one she wants to go to at Gymnastics. I don't have that much faith in other people. I am nervous to leave her in the church daycare. In the CHURCH DAYCARE! What is that saying about what our society has become? I take her to daycare at a local daycare because I've known EVERY employee in it for over ten years. I know all the kids. I KNOW all the parents. I KNOW the kids. I made it a point to know them - every last one of them. And though she'd love to go every day, I only let her go on average, twice a month.
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Aug 2 @ 9:15PM  
She's testing for preschool this month and I am petrified. I am due to deliver this month as well. I am ecstatic for the creation of my family, but I often wonder what kind of world I am getting them into. I can't bury my head in the sand, though. All I can do is try to make some sort of difference. In their lives. And in many others. I think I'm going to take my Foster Care exam.

If I can save just one child, JUST ONE - then it will have been worth it.


Aug 2 @ 9:28PM  
Big HUGS!! You are an incredible woman! Just know that, and it will be instilled upon your children in their upbringing!

Aug 2 @ 9:36PM  
Outstanding and well-written blog! I'm not even sure there's anything I can add except to say, I have a feeling that any kid or family who has the fortune of having you in their live to help will be so much better for it.

Aug 2 @ 9:51PM  
Sxze is right... there's nothing more to add. You've said it all so well.

Thank you for being a MOTHER and not just an incubator.

Aug 2 @ 11:03PM  
you said so much that I can see the love in your eyes THANK YOU KRIS for caring

Aug 2 @ 11:25PM  
It is sad when we can not take our eye's off our children. I live in a really small town and I know where my child is at all times. And she is 12. I worry when she walks to the bus stop. I watch her walk down the street. Until she meets her friend to wait for the bus. I am outside when the bus comes and I sometimes walk down to the corner to walk her back to our house.

I have been told I am over protective
Why because I worry?

No you are not insane. You are a great mom.


Aug 3 @ 2:04AM  
Any child within your reach is a lucky child. I've been that way all of my adult life. I, and my children, bring home "strays". Not the dog and cat kind......the people kind. When my daughter's were younger and in school, they brought all kinds of people home with them. I used to hear, "Mom, can so and so stay here awhile, they're having trouble with their parents. It'll only be a few days." One few days turned into 4 yrs., but we always had a happy home and it was filled with laughter. I think it make me and my kids better people because of it. The same way you and your kids will be.

Aug 15 @ 2:02PM  

Has extreem fear DOMINATED everything& everyone since Bush& the right wingers took control????
There was WAY more abuse of children(& women)even 30yrs. ago then there is now!It was allways aloud& ignored!
At this point in time we hear about every nasty thing that happens around the world(usally for weeks on end)! Makeing it appear that it is multipe occurances!Nowadays we even hear the gory details(over&over)!
It allways was that people would not talk about it&that was sactioned by churches,police&society in general!
Now that is changing people will get involved&speak out!
In reality it is makeing the world safer!
Sometimes I wonder if ignoance is bliss----When we didn't hear much about these things we assumed we were safer& when I look back it was anything but safe----We were just too dumb to know it!!

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Sometimes I Wonder...