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A couple of funnies

posted 8/1/2007 7:30:14 PM |
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My sis sent me these...I hope you get a laugh out of them like I did.

"Wally's wedding night":

Wally's Wedding Night
At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.
All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents
for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it, Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:
"You mean I was here already?"
The moral of the story: Senior moments have their advantages.

"Hypnotist at a Seniors Center"

It was entertainment night at the senior center, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, 'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want each one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'

The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces...

'SHIT!' said the hypnotist!

It took three days to clean up the senior centre.

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Aug 1 @ 7:40PM  
OH too funny sugar

Aug 1 @ 8:05PM  
Thanks. I keep good jokes and will file this pair in my "geriatrics" joke file. It is only fair that I share a few from the ten year old archive. Enjoy!

Maude, Edna and Tillie were lifelong friends who resided in a nursing home in their golden years. Maude and Edna were relatively spry but did have heart conditions. Tillie was not so fortunate as arthritis had left her largely confined to a wheelchair. Every evening after dining, they loved to sit out on the porch to watch the sunset and hear the sounds of the night as they recalled memories of their long lives. One night, without warning, a naked man sprang forth from out of the bushes and exposed himself in front of each astounded lady individually. First Maude had a stroke. Then Edna had a stroke. But poor Tilly was too infirm to reach that far.

A woman goes to the hospital to visit her widowed father who has overdosed on
viagra. While on her way to father's room, she passes into a ward where four
elderly men are vigorously masturbating. Appalled she goes the head nurse and
demands an explanation. The nurse explains that it is part of their therapy
and they must do this to relieve pressure or they will over produce semen
which can lead to testicle swelling and a fatal rupture. Still shaken, the
woman accepts the explanation and proceeds to her father's room hurrying past
the four men in therapy. She opens the door to her father's room and a
gorgeous nurse is giving her father a blow job. Appalled she again goes the
head nurse and demands an explanation. The head nurse informs her that it is
the same condition and therapy but that her father has a better health plan.

An elderly man goes to his doctor and explains that he wants a perscription for
viagra. He is a widow and his seventy fifth birthday is coming up and he has
arranged for three gorgeous young girls to entertain him that evening. The
doctor writes the perscription and warns him to be careful. Two weeks later the
old guy returns. The doctor sees him and asks why he has come in and the old
guy opens his fly and whips out his bloody mangled cock. The doctor is
horrified as the old guy explains that the girls never showed up.
A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got
  a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and
  sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a
  seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar
  and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young
  lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man
  joined the lady and they went to her apartment,
  where they got it on.

  Four days later, the old man noticed that he was
  developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home
  doctor.  After careful examination the doctor asked
  the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. 

  The old man said, "Sure!"

  The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman
  was and where she lived.

  "Sure, why?"

  "Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum!"

Aug 1 @ 9:19PM  
Wow, that last one just about killed me! Good ones sugarnspice!

Aug 1 @ 10:57PM  

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A couple of funnies