1. You will never get what you want
There is just no competing with a woman when it comes to getting your way. They have the ultimate weapon; the pussy. That combined with the ability to argue like a madperson on steroids spells defeat for men no matter how great our resolution is. Chick flicks are just something you have to accept, as are fancy restaurants that won’t let you in with your “Fuck the World t-shirt. Damn shit…
2. Yes… the toilet seat IS a big deal
This doesn’t happen until stage two of the relationship, when the woman wants to control every aspect of your life… even trying to make you pee like a girl. No matter how hard you try you will never always remember to put down the seat. The only way to handle this professionally is to stop using the bathroom for urination altogether and just pee outside.
3. NEVER go in a woman’s purse
Not even if they give explicit instructions to do so. “Honey, could you go get the keys out of my purse…” HELL NO! It’s a trick. Men don’t belong anywhere near a purse. If a girl ever asks you this she is trying to find out if you have any god damn sense at all. Show her you do and stay away.
4. Having space is important
No one likes having someone around all the time. Dependency is for leeches and bad quarterbacks. If a woman insists on being around you 24/7, she is most likely a spy sent by one of you exes to undermine your love of freedom. In that case you have no choice but to leave quickly and quietly after you piss in her fish tank and lick all her bread.
5. NEVER let a woman into your secret hideout
Be it a tree house, local watering hole, hidden cave, or even an IRC chat room; never let that bitch feel comfortable being there with you. When the relationship is over she will just try to claim it as her own, along with all the other stuff you have that she likes…
6. Don’t ever break down and reveal anything
If you do you can bet it will be used against you in the most foulest of ways somewhere down the road. Guy: I once whacked off in a church. Girl: You’re so crazy! I love that about you. Six months later... Guy: I like bacon. Girl: Only a sick fuck like you who whacks off in churches would say something stupid like that.
7. Sometimes it is better to just say you’re wrong
As opposed to arguing for ten hours straight… waking the neighbors and showing anyone within earshot just how bad your life sucks. You can tell by the redness of her eyes and hint of Satan in her voice when it is time to just shut the fuck up and finish eating your Ramen noodles. Don’t piss on the bull if you can’t handle the horns…
8. Women don’t listen to reason
Logic is not a female quality… and for good reason. Can you imagine something that bleeds for 7 days, does not die, AND understands logical thought? Until next time, I leave you with that… since i am sure this one will get me in the shit.
Apart from all that i really love women as a whole and like to think i hold on to some old fashion values. maybe that admission will help save my ass.
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