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What men think during those Romantic evenings...

posted 7/27/2007 2:58:49 PM |
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tagged: sex, bad

I've read a thousand erotic stories writing mostly by women. I have writing a few myself. I find there is a difference with how women very sex & romance and how men see it. So, here is the male story of a womens erotic tale.......

It was a long crappy day that day. My boss put hand rails on my ass, so he wouldn't fall off while chewing it. I get home and open the door to find a trail of flower peddles leading off to the hallway, which leads to the bedroom. CRAP! Doesn't my wife have a clue how unromantic an ass chewing is. Damn it, well I don't want her riding my ass tonight, so guess I'll have to play along. CRAP!

I take off my tie and kick my shoes to the corner. Read the mail, cause I won't get to later. FUCK!!! Another GD bill from the credit card!!! Another freakin nighty! Well, now I know what the damn flower peddles are about. Glad I read that before I didn't say anything about Yet another nighty that looks just like the other 50.

Ok, just a glass of water and I'm off to the bedroom.

Opps loosen the shirt buttons. She likes that stuff. (Door opens) Ohhhhh god, whats that smell? Freakin scented candles! How can any women tell the difference between 12 candles that all smell of something flowery? Well, at least there's none of that ocean wave music that puts me to sleep. (Ok, say something about the new nighty.) "Wow! you look amazing honey!", "Is that a new nighty?". Oh, got the nod, good one Bill. Now, for the sexy clothes dance. I make my way to her on the bed. I can tell she "Needs" some foreplay. Ok, give her the long romance kiss. Check! Move hands around and find the warm spot. Check! Ok, now the rub till I get tennis elbow part. Oh damn! Now she wants the nipple rub. What the hell am I, a circus entertainer. Ok! Ok! You can do this, concentrate! Right hand back and forth, left hand little circles. Check! Ok, got it. What!!! Freakin romance kiss again. How freakin talented to I have to be???? Ok, Just do it. Ow! Ow! Ow! My arm is gonna pop out of socket. Oh damn it! What hand was doing what??? Oh right Left back & forth, right circles. Ok, just fake loosing balance....there, that worked. Now I don't need the right hand. Ok, come on already! Surely your ready???!!! Ok right hand takes off the $70 nighty. 70 bucks for something to itch me to death. Whooo hoo, got it off and she didn't stop me!!!!! Win number 2!!! Its all down hill from here. What!!!!!!!!???????? Lick it???? Damn it! I just want to relax. Ok, just do it. I wonder if I could get away with passing out down here??? Ahh hell no. Ok, just a little more and I'll do the "want ya so bad" routine.Yippie, it worked. All right just a few more strokes and ............... ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................

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post a comment!


Jul 27 @ 3:05PM  
you are soooo bad!!!!

Jul 27 @ 3:12PM  

Well dammit.. you were with the wrong woman

Jul 27 @ 3:15PM  
Never said that I've ever done it.......

besides.. I'd be on holiday with you.....

Jul 27 @ 3:29PM  

hmmmmm in that case.. i'm a packing....

Jul 27 @ 3:44PM  

Jul 27 @ 6:11PM  
wow...sorry its such a chore to you..i actually thought men LIKED coming home and finding their woman ready and willing...

Jul 27 @ 8:34PM  
And Men complain that their wives don't want to have sex????

Jul 27 @ 10:56PM  
If only women cared about something other than romance....

This blog is a joke people.

Jul 28 @ 3:11PM  

Am I the only one, who read it as it was meant?. I found it extremely funny.

Carry on writing these,native.


Jul 28 @ 10:48PM  
that is too funny... sometimes we all need a break and this is a good one... LOL thanks

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What men think during those Romantic evenings...