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Oh God! I'm waayyy too young to be a grandfather!!!

posted 7/24/2007 6:13:22 PM |
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tagged: family, pregnant, daughter, straddle

Got some disturbing news last Friday morning while Natasha was on here way down. She told me she had some BIG news for me, and I asked her if it was good or bad. She told me it all depends and I would have to take it with a grain of salt, and she wanted to wait to tell me when she got here. I told her that I wanted to know now and so she told me that she's pregnant. She asked me if I was mad and I told her that I wasn't, just surprised. She told me she was the first to tell me. We did talk more about it when she got here. Her and Willie came on in when they did arrive and you could cut the tention in the air with a knife somewhat. Willie didn't know what to really expect from me when he came on in. Willie is a nice guy, but I'm getting a little resentful towards him because not only does he have a boy that's one years old, but he doesn't have any means to support that child, and he has no job other than the check his mother gets for him for whatever reason. He will turn 19 tomorrow. I know that he's not the only one to blame, I'm disappointed in Natasha because she promised me that this would not happen and now I'm not even sure if she's going to start into college this fall. That's one thing that's kept her going, the goals she's had in law enforcement like me. She's now slowly turning into a lot of the people where she's from, and that's something she didn't want. She's always wanted better. She told me that her mom won't have anything to do with her child as long as that idiot who is still with her mom is involved. She doesn't want that guy around her and her kid, and that part I don't blame her. As long as her mom didn't have him around then it would be fine with Natasha. I personally feel that Natasha did this for housing and some welfare help. I don't agree with anyone who has a child for that reason, it's just not right. But I could be wrong on that assumption on why she decided to have one. She told me that they did use protection, but I'm not sure if she's telling me the truth. She's always been honest with me. Kim and my mom seems to think that Willie will leave her right after she has the child, and I don't know much about him to know if he's that type. I'm only 40, and knowing that I'm a father is such a great feeling, but the grandfather title I am not ready for. Natasha thinks it's better to have a child now while she's young better than when she's 26. She seems to think being 45 years old and having a kid who is 18 years old is a little too old. I told her there was nothjing wrong with being 45 and having a kid who is 18. I'm not sure what she's thinking, but I do know she's too young to be having a child. I will always be there for her, but she's making it harder to make a better life for herself. I don't believe in abortion, so that option is totally out of the question. Am I wrong for being very concerned? Any advice on how to deal with this is welcomed.

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Jul 24 @ 6:23PM  
Sounds like you've been thrown a curve ball Straddle but handled it pretty well. I hope Tash to will remain focused on her original long term goals despite the additional incoming responsibility.

Jul 24 @ 6:29PM  
40 is too young??? I was 36. A Mother at 16.

Give your daughter a chance. She may surprise you. Be supportive though, and in time, you'll look forward to this grandbaby.

Jul 24 @ 6:30PM  
Thanks, Ben. It's going to be rough, and Tash is the type to be her worst own enemy and to get easily sidetracked.

Jul 24 @ 6:37PM  
Ledzepfan, my grandma was 38 when I was born. lol I still think that that age range area is still a little too young. That's just how I feel about it and being a father is still somewhat new to me since last year when she looked me up after all these years (see my past blogs concerning that if you or anyone is interested). I will always be there for her though.

Jul 24 @ 7:04PM  
I don't think that you are wrong for being concerned. As a parent who has had chance to live life and know what the world holds, you would be crazy to not be concerned.

As adults, we can understand and read all about babies having babies, and have the knowledge to know and interpret why this is a major problem in our society. We know from previous experiences that babies are not cheap, babies are not easy to take care of, and once that chld is here in the world or even conceived, there is no giving it back. Unfortunately, the younger folks either cannot see this, or just refuse to accept it.

With all of that being said...... let her know that you will always love her through thick and thin. But, be firm and let her know that you are not going to be a permanent babysitter, or provider. I shouldn't judge a book by its descriptive cover, but it doesn't sound like her boyfriend is a real prize. Especially if he has already made this mistake one other time and is unwilling to support the first one.

Shawn.... keep your faith, and rely on God, family, and friends to help you through this rough time.....

Jul 24 @ 7:09PM  
I will always be there for her though.

That says it all right there. My father wasn't supportive of me when I had my son at 21, and to this day we have almost no relationship. If you are there for her thats the biggist thing.

Jul 24 @ 7:26PM  
Raising a child on your own at any age, whether it be 18, 28 or as I was 38 is tough!! I'm really not sure why kids today think its great to have children at such a young age! It truely amazes me!! They have not a clue as to how hard it is going to be. Like hopon said its hard enough when you have a wonderful man beside you and supporting you, can't imagine having one that can't even afford his first child that alone the one he will be having with you. I hope only the best for her Strad, and 40 is young but I have seen younger, my husband was a grandfather at 38!! Take care, and hope all works out well with Natasha!


Jul 24 @ 7:30PM  
Well congrades gramps. Just be there for her and support her. After the child is born you will want it no other way..... So where do i send the rocking chair?

Jul 24 @ 8:04PM  
Straddle... I'm going to preface what I have to say with a little story.

My oldest daughter came to me on her 16th birthday and said "Mom, you're gonna be a grandmother. In January." Her birthday is in September. Why hadn't I noticed? I had a LOT on my plate right then... the twins' father had been arrested for sexually assaulting them and I was dealing with all of the resulting issues PLUS dealing with having my house rebuilt following a fire a month before he was arrested.

My reaction after I plopped down on the couch and turned white was to look at her and ask her if she was going to keep the baby. She told me "Yes". I then asked her where she was planning to live. She told me "With you, IF you will let me". At that point I explained to her that while I love her and always will I was going to have to attatch some conditions to her living with the twins and I. No partying, I wasn't going to be a built in baby sitter while she went out and partied. I would watch my grandchild while she was at school and while she was at work BUT he or she was HER responsibility. I would help financially but again it was HER responsibility.

The next day we went to the school and we changed her from their regular program to their alternative program for teenaged parents. That meant that other than for tests her child would be going to school with her and in addition to regular classes she would be learning to be a parent to this helpless little being who would depend on her for everything.

It's almost 9 years later. My daughter has gotten married, had 4 more children, graduated with honors from one of the toughest Nursing programs in the State. I'm not saying that it was easy BUT she was determined that having a child wasn't going to stop her from making her dreams happen.

My best advice... having been where you are at is to support your child and her choice to have this child, even if you think she's making the biggest mistake of her life. There are worse things that can happen to our children than an unplanned pregnancy.

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSS for both of you.

Jul 24 @ 8:16PM  
This will piss some people off. 70 % of the poor people in the nation (living below poverty level) have three things in common.
1. They had children out of wedlock.
2. They had children before the age of 21
3. They had children but not a high school degree.
Of course 30 % of the poor don't have these three. There are exceptions to this. Maybe with hard work and the grace of God, some people will beat the odds.
This from the 2000 censis.

Jul 24 @ 8:29PM our state (Minnesota) welfare usually goes after the baby's father for the birthing expenses if the mother is on assistance......Hopefully Tash will continue with her plans, and try not to worry about her turning from the old people she knew......her life is changing and her friendships will also........after a few of her old friends have children of their own, the friendships should be able to come back together. Have faith in what you have instilled in your daughter....she sounds like a wonderful young lady and this could be a stepping stone to other, better things in life for her, with a few tough but necessary life lessons thrown in. Peace, love and happiness to both of you!

Jul 24 @ 9:26PM  
I was a Nana at 40. It isn't so bad, but it's something you have to get used to. I know it took me awhile to get used to the idea. I wouldn't take anything for my granddaughter though. She's the light of my life.

Jul 24 @ 10:30PM  
Straddle, I think the bottom line is that you support her emotionally and be there any way you can throughout everything. Things are going to be tough and she needs support from people who love her and have her best interests at heart as you do.

Hell, raising kids when your prepared for it is tough!! But with your love and support she can make things turn out well. Good luck!!

Jul 25 @ 5:55AM  
i dealt with the same man in the picture daughter and gdaughter lived with me for 5 yrs.there is nothing like a for being to young i went through that too i'm not grandma i'm nene lol.all you really can do is love and support her and the baby.if she doesn't have a mother she can count on she is going to need her dad.she may or may not stick to her goals but either way she will need you.

Jul 25 @ 9:12AM  
Straddle, I know you dont want to hear this but congradulations!! I became a nana at 43 and I love it. But i want to give you some advice tho you have gotten some great already. I was 16 when I got pregnant, 2 days after my 17th birthday i told my parents, my father called me all kinds of names, none of which were true and told me that I was evil and I would be punished by God. At 8 months preg. I fell down a flight of stairs, and I was taken to the hospital which was an hour away. Rural Minnesota in that time didnt really have ambulances. By the time I got to the hospital my daughter was stillborn. My father passed away 2 months after that and if he had lived to be 100 i will always hate him and never forgive him for saying that and treating me like that. Take what you daughter has told you and turn this into a good thing. You won't regret it grandchildren are wonderful.

Jul 29 @ 9:12AM  
There are some things that we have no control of obviously. But we do have control of how we respond. Be supportive but realize that there is difference between helping and enabling.
For my part, the biggest problem is that she hooked up with a bum. As long as somebody is with a loser, they become a loser themselves.
My daughter finally got married at 30 and her husband is a hard working good guy. Prior to that, it seemed that every boyfriend she ever had was a loser that worshipped Ozzie Osbourne.
We did things together but she didn't bring them around because she knew I was not interested in getting to know them.

Aug 29 @ 7:07PM  
my mom was a grandmother @33 my sister was 17 and had her first son then waited 7yrs to have another one . i was 19 when i had my son but i was already married and settled. my mom was 16 when she had my sister... and se told us we were making her old because of all the i have 2 and she has moms 43 now
hang in there hun it will be ok.....

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Oh God! I'm waayyy too young to be a grandfather!!!