The Man Test!
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
* * *
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual
relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
* * *
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter.
* * *
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would
agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever
find out about.
* * *
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex
with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
* * *
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.
You tell her that it is:
A. Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
* * *
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron
* * *
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
* * *
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying
at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the
beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
* * *
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope
with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first
place.
* * *
Evaluating Your Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"
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