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Do you really care, and why?

posted 7/11/2007 12:52:26 PM |
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  casuallylooking

As usual I didn't get much sleep last night. Just too many things on my mind and couldn't seem to shut it off. Don't cha just hate those nights? I tried reading a book but couldn't keep my mind in it. Came online but not really feeling like being very social, and most everyone was already offline.Long hot bubble bath helped a little. Got in my car and drove out to the resevoir thinking it might help.Nope. Came home and switched the tv on. flipping through channels. Not sure why we pay for cable, there never seems to be anything on. But, I ran across this "Dr" who does seminars on why people allow themselves to care about others. And how not to do it. Now this got my interst wondering what kind of an idiot he was and was this for real?
His theory is that you have complete and total control over who you care about as a friend all the way to who you fall in love with, including your children. He says that most people choose friends who make them look better then that friend and feel smarter.Or one that can be used for some personal gain. (( so I'm thinking do I look better by the friends that I have, Nope. Do I feel smarter, hey some of my friends are highly intelligent. I'm not a stupid person but there are moments that I don't feel real smart compared to them. Personal gain, Yeap that's it.. I get the enjoyment of being friends with them.Talking, laughing, sharing a good time together, being there for each other. And all this time I thought that was just part of being friends.))

He said When you fall in love you chose to do so. It doesn't just happen and you have complete control over it.In all aspects.No one has the ability or power to emotionally break anyones heart. If you have felt your heart has broken it was only because you were feeling sorry for yourself and wanted the sympathy that would be enstilled upon you by others that have allowed the same thing to happen to them. The heart can't actually be broken. ((Well maybe he has a point there, but it sure can feel like it is broken or shattered into a million pieces.Hurting like hell..))
He teaches people how to overcome their feelings. He teaches how to not let your mind think you care and put you in a situation where you begin to depend on someone for anything emotional.He teaches you how to not show the emotions you think you are feeling and allow yourself to be vunerable. ((Well this part confuses me, if you are in complete control then how can you be vunerable?))

Now I agree that no one can provide you with happiness, you have to do that inside yourself. They can only enhance that emotion.But do I really think that someone trying to teach others to bury their emotions and feelings is a good thing? Hell no. We have enough heartless, noncaring, self centered people in the world who use others. I think he is trying to teach others how to build walls around their emotions --caution is a good thing, but being uncaring isn't. Repressed feelings and emotions, yeah that's how I want to go through life... If you don't allow yourself to care about others, why breathe? What's the sense in living?
Just my $.02 worth. He charges $500. for his. Sad thing is, that room was crowded with people just hanging on his every word.

So, I guess my questions are...Would you choose not to feel if you could? Remember it's not just about falling in love and the risk of getting your heart broken. It's with everyone you ever come in contact with. Would you choose to shut your feeings and emotions down as a way of life? Do you believe heartbreak is a real feeling, or just wanting sympathy? Do you have control over who you care about?

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Comments:

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max49

Jul 11 @ 1:18PM  
I guess in a way you have control over who you care about. I mean if you don't want to care about someone you just don't get to know them however I would not want to turn my feelings completely off. Have I had my heart broke? Yes just as any other caring and feeling person has maybe even more than some but wouldn't this old world be a boring place to live if no one had feelings of any kind toward other people. I absolutely DO believe in heartbreak and NO I don't think it's just for sympathy.
31sunshine

Jul 11 @ 1:21PM  
I firmly believe that life is a choice. Love is a choice. I either choose to let people into my life or I don't. I choose to put the energy into making my relationships strong and healthy or not. kinda like I choose to let something bother me or let it go.

I'm very pragmatic about life. As a general rule I don't place expectations on anyone, thus I can't be disapointed when things go differently than I expected. That doesn't mean that I don't feel nor would I want to be void of any emotion. When I open my heart to someone, I give all of me, and it's pretty full of emotions but I wouldn't change that for anything in this world. Anytime you open your heart you run a risk.When you let someone into your life you give them some power.

I'd rather be full of emotions than be heartless and unfeeling.

So, to answer your questions:

Would you choose not to feel if you could?
Hell NO!!!

Would you choose to shut your feeings and emotions down as a way of life?
Hell No!!!

Do you believe heartbreak is a real feeling, or just wanting sympathy? Do you have control over who you care about?

In my opinion, yes heartbreak is a real feeling. I can choose who I let into my life or not, but once I open my life and heart to someone I can't control if they take care of it.

Great blog!!
casuallylooking

Jul 11 @ 1:38PM  
When I open my heart to someone, I give all of me, and it's pretty full of emotions but I wouldn't change that for anything in this world. Anytime you open your heart you run a risk.When you let someone into your life you give them some power.

Great reply.... I agree that we allow anyone in our life some power over our emotions.It is always a risk to open your heart. But if I am not willing to give all of me, why bother? Some risks are just worth taking.
wtxman

Jul 11 @ 2:20PM  
Choose not to feel; never.
NachoBaby

Jul 11 @ 3:23PM  
No way to any of those questions. I may get my feelers hurt or my heart broken but it's all worth it to be able to feel the love.
ShadowsAngel

Jul 11 @ 3:34PM  
Well now... I have been told that I am an unfeeling heartless bitch.

however... I'm with Nacho on this one... My poor feefees may become bruised occasionally but I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Ewe_Wish

Jul 11 @ 4:02PM  
I dont know that i can choose who to love or who not to love. Falling in love wasnt a conscious choice I made, neither was getting my heart broke, would I choose not to feel either way, not necessarily. Falling in love gave me a conscious thought to the fact I was capable of feeling that strongly, and having my heart broken but continue to love shows me personally how unselfish that love is. Would I chose not to feel, NO WAY!! To be able to love is the most important the emotion there is. Heartache can be used as a way of recieving sympathy but I think those who have loved so much and gotten hurt doesnt show how bad it really does.

Hey Treas, You words of wisdom was worth much more, that that guru's did.

Alright you can have a kudo.
slohand_47

Jul 11 @ 5:12PM  
First, consider the source. I"m guessing that by the time you did all that you did, it was about 3am. IF he was worth a shit, he'd be on closer to prime time then grave yard shift.

This guy sounds like he was trying to teach people to compartmentalize....... that is, temporarily set your feelings aside. That may get you through a crisis.... like a funeral or divorce.... but sooner or later you still have to deal with stuff and time is the only thing I know of that helps.

Would you choose not to feel if you could?
NO. Not being able to feel emotionally would be like being deaf & blind, only worse. You'd feel no emotional pain...... BUT you wouldn't feel pleasure or love either. Not a good trade at all.
Blueyesprkln

Jul 12 @ 2:11AM  
I think I agree with Slohand on this one. This guy, if he was worth his salt would be closer to prime time, and he's teaching people to compartmentalize feelings so they won't get hurt. I know I've done that for years. You know what?.......It made life pass me by. I hid my heart and wouldn't admit I needed someone in my life to help me or to love me and I missed out on a lot. I've always been a very giving person, giving love and friendship to all people I meet, but I would never allow myself to fall in love and it's hurt me greatly. I am trying to change and open myself up now and I hope it works. I realize that I need someone in my life besides my kids to love and to help me with any problem that I have. I don't have to be strong all the time.
Lisa46

Jul 12 @ 11:52AM  
Sorry but this is all part of life. granted my life sucks right now but I still feel, care and want! Any by God I will have it all someday!

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Do you really care, and why?