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posted 7/10/2007 11:44:43 PM |
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It's hard not to feel pressured. I'm a realist and that's the one thing I really dislike about myself. I guess at times I see the glass as half full but I know too much to keep being so naive. I'm not depressed by it, in fact, I'm not really sure how I feel. Things have been pretty good, but unfortunately I've just lost a big part of my family and my aunt is in the hospital dying with colon cancer. I've always wondered if deaths come in 3's, I certainly hope not. I realized that we all die. I guess the common theme when you're young is living like you'll live forever. I've realized I won't, and it fucking sucks. But I can't imagine being born when you have a conscious, an imagination, and a soul just to go to school, to get a job, and then to die. That's basically the journey. Breaking your back so 1 day out of the week you can just kick back and do what you want, but not really what you want because you don't have enough money. You have to live on this budget of I suppose, money and time. Everyone else dictates what you can have and what you can do. You work but don't get to keep all your money. No, your money goes to schools that you don't have any kids that go to it, your money goes to social security, but will that even be around when I retire? My money goes and lines the pockets of people who obviously don't need it. Now, maybe I'm not as well informed here as I should be, but from what I DO understand is everyone gets a chunk out of what I make and I don't even get health or dental. What kind of life is that? Is that the master plan? There better be something else after this life because so far I'm not impressed.

Sure, the world is beautiful. There are so many great cultures, architectural amazements, some acts of God that would impress anyone, but I'm too broke to be influenced by that. I live in a dirty city where minorities get whatever the fuck they want. I live in a place where people sleep on the streets that they piss on, where it's every man for himself. I feel like all I do here is take up air and I'm not contributing anything, no one here really is. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--- I'm thinking, maybe I should take my education and join the peace corps. I'll get all kinds of free training that will count towards my credits. I'll get to go to worse parts of the world so I'll finally appreciate what I have here, because right now I think it's all just a big pile of stinky shit.

I am happy that I can finally sit down and blog. I've missed being able to express myself by more than getting insanely drunk and flashing my bewbies. Well, whatever! Hope everyone is having a good summer.

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Jul 11 @ 12:04AM  
In a word, outrageous .

Jul 11 @ 12:13AM  
Any time you need to "express yourself", I'd be happy to help you get drunk so you can flash them bewbies.

As for the money...... sometime sit down and write out a financial plan for yourself. Where you want to be in 5 years, 10, etc. Don't want to get too long winded here, but you need something to focus on. I can elaborate if you're interested some time.

For now, have some chocolate ice cream and wait for the sun to come out.

Jul 11 @ 12:14AM  
Don't want to get too long winded here,
Ummm to late?

Totallytaboo--good to see you back to blogging. You have been missed!!

Jul 11 @ 12:36AM  
There is that variation of murphy's law:

Life is a shit sandwich ... the more bread you have ... the less shit you eat.


Master Gry

Jul 11 @ 12:42AM  
What are you pressured into? Just be yourself. I hate to sound naive, but all we really know are our fundamental axioms of life. You have my condolences and I hope your aunt is at least not in pain. On a more positive note, why would you want to live forever? From what it sounds like, money is not what you think it is. I'd love to have sexual intercourse, I meant intelectual discourse with you sometime. I've never been to D.C., but there has to be something beautiful there other than yourself. There is a lot of crime, poverty, and pollution in Mexico City, but I fell in love with it anyway. If you ever want to talk instead of getting drunk then let me know.

Jul 11 @ 2:05AM  
Life sucks, then you die.

Jul 11 @ 3:49AM  
Showing my age here ... lol

Forever Young

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while
Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune
The music's played by the madmen

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever
Forever -- and ever

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later, they all will be gone
Why don't they stay young?

It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth's like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We'll let them come true


Forever young...

Jul 11 @ 8:29AM  
Thats life.

Jul 11 @ 11:24AM  
I love Alphaville!

Jul 11 @ 2:28PM  
Well, look at it this way:

The big problem, as far as I see it, is the way that they are fostering children these days with a "nothing matters" opinion. More than once, as a teacher, I would be talking about a story or a historic event and I would be asked:

"Who cares about that. It's not real."
"Who cares about that. It happened so long ago."

The belief is that these things have nothing to do with us. That stories are merely for the purpose of entertainment, and that it is not achievement but the alleviation of ennui that should be our gestalt.

But they have everything to do with us. You can believe in whatever afterlife you choose, including none at all if that's your preference. But what is inescapable is that you have the ability to leave a mark on this Earth by your deeds. No one says that you have to be a giant among men, but your actions can leave a legacy. Your thoughts and words can have resonant meaning.

In that respect you become immortal by what you do.

Or you can just agree that it's all unimportant and opt to be worm food.

Jul 12 @ 3:08AM  
just to go to school, to get a job, and then to die

That is it , pretty much. We're not on this planet for any great divine purpose. Unfortunately, we have, as you put it a consciousness and an imagination so we feel that we need to add more to this life than there actually is, because we are conscious of ourselves. The lower animals, on the other hand, just accept what nature is all about, live and die and don't or cannot imagine another life.

So the upshot is that you make the most of the life you have because there won't be another. For religious people this is hard to accept as they have invented immortality for themselves.

Live and eventually die so, LIVE LIVE LIVE while you can and disregard all the crap that will keep you down.

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Getting it out and putting it out there