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Experience and the aqcuiring of fetish's/kinks

posted 7/8/2007 10:50:47 AM |
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  johntrain

I am curious what people think here. As a wofully inexperienced person I often notice thatin profiles here and in other places "vanilla" sex and kinks is not the norm in women i am attracted to. As a virgin I have often professed that until i lose it... the most extreme form of sex i can imagine is HAVING sex. Friends of mine have scoffed at the idea that you have to have sex to acquire a kink or fetish.

For example... while i can certainly understand the preference of power play in sex... like sub to dom and whatnot. I have not even experienced the concepts of control in sex at all. I have no idea whether it is more sexually gratifying for me to take more control or less. Yet there are those who claim that this is based in a lack of imagineation for me. As i consider myself a pretty artistic person and have 2 degrees in an artistic field.... this is bothersome.

However my brief experiences sexually (petting kissing etc..) have shaped what i enjoy in porn (and personal activities that occur whilst watching porn) I have had some very gratifying romantic experiences with an older woman and an asian woman. Therefore i find myself enjoying milf and asian porn as i am able to apply my experiences to them.

So what say you folk? Are kinks/fetishes/sexual interests inborn? formed from pre sexual experiences/ or based on some rightious good fucking you've gotten in the past?

Sorry if this post sounds like a request for a lecture on sexuality... all phsychotherapists should probably ignore it.

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Blogs by johntrain:
Experience and the aqcuiring of fetish's/kinks
Sex and the exploitation of horny men.
being a virgin is expensive.
fixing the problem
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Ewe_Wish

Jul 8 @ 10:59AM  
I don't know about the rest of the world, but my desire to try new things whether they are considered kinks/fetishes started after i had had sex and things started to get repetitive. I became more enthralled with wanting to try something new and added to it. It also i believe, has to do with your imagination and what thoughts excite you as to what you are more open too.


JMHO
31sunshine

Jul 8 @ 11:30AM  
I'm with L4F...I got more creative when it got boring. As well, as I've gotten older and more in tune with my desires it's opened me up to experimenting and doing things I never would have done 10 years ago.
aberlour

Jul 8 @ 9:30PM  
While I do agree with what looking and sunshine said as well however that has more to do with the openness to experiment then it does with acquiring and repeating the experiences.

Most fetishes are learned via positive stimuli reinforcement methods. At the core of this is the act of experiencing an event that makes you feel a particular way. What I mean by particular way is that it makes you feel: good, dirty, sexy, scandalous... and does so in a way that is complimentary to your inner psyche and or sense of self. The other part of the development of fetishes is the association between stimuli and gratification via orgasm. Or creating the association between an; already arousing stimuli and a secondary non-related, non-arousing stimuli. Fetishes may also take root with experiences that are deeply hidden with in the subconscious mind and are not easily explained. Rather then be driven purely by positive sensual reinforcement as in, I tried it; it felt good so I’ll do it again and then eventually it become a habit. Beyond that there are many motivating levels that fall between the two.

It is also possible develop fetishes prior to loosing your virginity because the positive reinforcement can be orgasm via masturbation or even just innocent sexual arousal. The only real requirement to have a fetish is that you can create or develop an association between multiple non-related stimuli and some method of gratification.

Hope that didn't come out to much like a lecture. hehe

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Experience and the aqcuiring of fetish's/kinks