As of late I've seeing and hearing about a lot of people getting engaged,getting together having a family- the whole spiel.It only hit home when last week a very good friend of mines told me that him and his girl are expecting a child together.I mean yes,it was good news and all but it also felt like a cannon ball blasted towards your stomach at escape velocity.Like every tick of your biological clock sounds like an explosion in your head and you whirl around,you see:couples,couples with children;or you hear talk of getting together,your "playmates" thinking of running back to begin things with lost loves.And then there's you.
Poor you...hanging around attached or married friends begging for attention like a neglected child,having them tell you stock phrases: I want to spend my life...we never been so happy...oh,you'll find someone like I found blah blah blah..I think me and _______ have a future together... And then there's me.
I know I said I have 'someone in my life' but thats about the extent of it.We don't have a label,we don't have pet names,we're not even sure whether theres even a future,so therefore the lack of a title for what we have...hell,no one really knows that we're "involved" if you can call it that.I envy the openness,the declaration of love,the complete and utter happiness of those who managed to find what they're looking for.For those who are wondering about my situation,he's not a married guy or anything- its just that his culture dictates he marries someone his parents pick for him,and it makes things difficult if not downright frustrating.But thats another blog entirely.
Anyway,my lapse into this mood again only reminds me that I've come to that time in my life to 'settle',however,I haven't really accomplished things that is essential to an adult life.I feel that somehow I "slept" while life flew around me for the past ten years and I wake to find things have changed. I was in a metaphorical cryonic sleep and now I wake to find that my heart wants this but I haven't lived enough to settle down, but its something I want very much.Yet, I wonder,is it just really peer pressure in disguise?
Alluding back to the situation I have with the guy I'm with,ever heard of the song Brick by Ben Folds Five? I plucked some choice lyrics t relate to how I feel...
Now that I have found someone
Im feeling more alone
Than I ever have before...
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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| I Want it too,but do I really? |
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Dominus
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Jul 7 @ 5:38PM
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That is because we cannot look to someone else to complete ourselves. The movie line of "you complete me" is one of the biggest lies there ever was, just short of "love means never having to say you're sorry."
You are with someone for the reasons:
You enjoy the pleasure they give you.
You make a prosperous team.
You will make healthy children together.
But you can't find personal satisfaction in someone else. Like Stephen Biko said about freedom: It's not a thing that someone else can give you.
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31sunshine
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Jul 7 @ 6:04PM
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I think many of us at different times in our lives wonder if there's more we should/ could have in our life. I married and had kids at a young age and now am a single parent making my way the best I can. A friend from high school choose to get a career, travel and live life first. Now she wants the family and kids and feels a great loss for it. Who is better off? I can't say because we choose different paths.
But bottom line, I'm happy with me, what I have and where my life is. I'd love to eventually find a companion I can share my life with but I'm fulfilled and that's what I think matters. I sometimes feel that there are things I should have done or be doing but then I'm reminded that I'm where I'm supposed to be in this life.
I don't always do what my peers or family think I should do, I'm not to a place in life they think I should be but guess what? I get to decide where I'm meant to be and I'm my judge. It's easy to fall into the grove of "what everyone else is doing". It's harder to go it your own way.In the long run I'm happier and a healthier person for going it my way.
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lunanegra
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Jul 7 @ 6:37PM
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I'd like to separate myself from the "herd mentality",but sometimes coveting seems so appealing.I mean,if what I had was ideal,I wouldn't exactly feel this way,but you two do make a point on both my separate issues.
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darthmaul
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Jul 7 @ 7:25PM
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Dominus is dead on. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. No one can make you happy, but lord have mercy, they sure can make you miserable.
As for the settling issue, you're still at an age when settling is semi-predicible, particularly in a college town. The first lot happens when you graduate high school when some get married out of the gate. The second lot happens when you graduate college, after 4 or 5 or 6 years of busting ass to finish.
I decided a while back to just be happy. Oh, to be sure there are days that suck, and events that occur that can be politely termed Stuff that Happens, and that may bring me down, but it I'm bound and determined to not stay there. For me, it works. Maybe I'm a weak-minded fool, or perhaps a Jedi master, self-delusion can be a stress relieving thing.
Just you wait for when your friends start delivering those babies, and you get to interact with them. And your hormones start whispering sweet nothings to you. I'm pretty much surrounded by folks with young children, and let me tell you I have babies on the brain. And I'm a freakin' guy so this shouldn't be freakin' happening. Its infuriating, too, because I know it's making me weak in the head.
No, the big one, not the little one. Tho that could be related.  And I've never felt the desire to nest so strongly...except perhaps for the chick who asked me if I was willing to be the father of her children.
Hmmm....maybe I should blame her, but that was 10 years ago... 
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tennisj
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Jul 7 @ 7:29PM
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you know get over it youll find someone when find them stop worrying about it and dont marry someone or get with someone simply because you think you should that would lead to an even greater crisis in the future dont worry be happy and take one day at a time till you find someone that you want to be with. we always have a choice get settled when you feel its right and when you've found the right guy and also dont post that on websites like this you'll get some wierd answers from people that tell you something that isnt right for you for where you're at right now. just ask yourself who am i right now and what should i be doing for tomorrow. just thought id point that out.
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lunanegra
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Jul 7 @ 9:37PM
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Thank you all.It makes me realize that I maybe trying to hit the gas too much.I guess my life is fine just where it is..for now.And about my love troubles,its not me I'm unhappy with,but my life which leads back to me feeling discontent in my relationship.
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harborlights
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Jul 7 @ 11:45PM
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Kudo for sharing your deep thoughts and candid observations. 
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lunanegra
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Jul 8 @ 1:06AM
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Its no problem.Just something thats been on my mind lately.
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