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Example of real answers to exam questions in the UK

posted 6/28/2007 5:56:10 PM |
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tagged: joke
  j1on1

Just thought I would share this with the community - sad indictment of youth today

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's Junior
exam results (GCSE's). These are genuine responses!! (From 16 year olds),

Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and the world abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.


Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium,
the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain. The borax
contains the heart, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

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Example of real answers to exam questions in the UK


Comments:

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max49

Jun 28 @ 6:10PM  
bentan

Jun 28 @ 6:25PM  


But this list was also featured here:

http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/redneck-jokes-40.html

under the heading "Arkansas Scholars". Seems like it is been making the rounds internationally!
wyldsidewoman

Jun 28 @ 7:24PM  
My favorites...

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Flirtation gets dead sheep out of the water?



Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

I don't remember my mortgage company insisting on this one... must have been in the small print!



Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Ain't that the truth!

j1on1

Jun 28 @ 7:38PM  

But this list was also featured here:

http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/redneck-jokes-40.html

under the heading "Arkansas Scholars". Seems like it is been making the rounds internationally!

Bentan et al apologies if this is also somewhere else - I was sent this by a friend who said it was from English GCSE - not sure whether I would believe that anyway but still I found it funny and wanted to share it with you all
midlife138

Jun 28 @ 9:04PM  
ANd the children will rule the world someday,,,,scarry thought.

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Example of real answers to exam questions in the UK