As always, this entry is designed to educate the sheep who patronize this site -- especially those who hang on every word I write, but restrain their impulse to comment for fear it might encourage me to continue my membership.
This one will be fun for you bleaters while it, simultaneously, assists you in acquiring greater understanding of how men see you. This is a difficult tidbit of information to get your arms around, because men rarely are willing to be honest with you about the way they see you. Women, on the other hand, are NEVER willing to be honest about ANYTHING. So...here we go...
During the past 6-months, I have been engaged in an interesting experiment using 4-websites, including this one, on which I have posted identical pictures of myself with very different essays about me and the woman I'd like to meet. Each of the essays has contained honest statements, but they have varied in that each has been written with a different attitude.
Below I have reprinted the most straightforward, candid essay of all. While two others have met with satisfactory results and the profile I posted on Adult Match Doctor (this site) has generated over 500 pieces of mail, the one below has drawn only one piece of mail during that 6-month period. It was posted on a popular site called "Date". Here, then, is what NOT to write in a profile of yourself.
BEGINNING OF PROFILE
HEADLINE: Someone Who Makes Less Noise than I
I'm just kidding in the headline. Dating sites and the routine necessary to negotiate them are funny. I'm a funny guy. I've never been afraid to look foolish, and the older I get the more foolish I look. I don't mean I'm silly or that I like to watch Adam Sandler movies or that Rosie O'Donnel is my idea of good TV. My notion of what's funny is easier to see in the monologues of George Carlin or the satire of Rush Limbaugh. Matter of fact, I've been a paying member of this site for over 2 months and have yet to receive even one piece of mail from anyone. Could be my disagreeable countenance reflected by the picture, but it's more likely the the tongue-in-cheek prose in the "Describe the person that you might be interested in meeting" section. The thing is...the prose is funny to me, and anyone without a sense of humor wouldn't have much fun around me anyway, so why change it.
DESCRIBE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO MEET
I don't know how to answer this, but I CAN tell you about people I've already met who didn't work out.
A) Either she's looking for someone to take care of her, because she can't do it or she's paranoid about men who can't take care of themselves taking advantage of her.
B) While she posts a picture of herself taken 20 years ago, she asks for an "honest man" and says she doesn't play games.
C) She wants an "intelligent" man who believes in ghosts (Loves the Lord)
D) She has her profile on a dating site as if she were intersted in dating, but she's so busy doing things she has no time for a date.
E) She was married to a man once and they're all alike, so she understands you before she even meets you. Anyone dating her will be made to pay for all the injustice done her by the one she married.
F) She can't stop talking, but it's all about people she knows and the cute things they do. If you ask what she thinks or believes, you'll find she has nothing to say.
The Top Five things she wants you to know about her are:
1 - She doesn't need a man
2 - If you're looking for Barbie, keep going.
3 - She looks good in jeans or a cocktail dress (C&W version: "I clean up real good")
4 - No more "Drama Kings"
5 - She's not into "head games"
It would be interesting to hear the female version of this experience...
ASK A QUESTION THAT SOMEONE CAN USE TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOU.
Would you please explain what we human beings should do next.
END OF PROFILE
I think, maybe, the truth revealed in the dismal failure of this profile to interest female viewers is that a man should never say anything that suggests he can see through the often inept, thoroughly transparent tapestry of deceit the average woman weaves when she presents herself on a dating site. If she can see he has her number from the start, she doesn't want to get anywhere near him.
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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| Profiles that DO NOT work |
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ShadowsAngel
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Jun 27 @ 7:55AM
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Color me more than a little twisted... But I would have laughed my ass off over those profile answers and then emailed you to tell you that I thought your essays were hilarious.
You and I both know that "truth" is something that no two people see the same way. Events that we witness are "filtered" by our past experiences and put into a context that we can "live with". That doesn't mean that our individual "truth" is 'right' or 'wrong' but rather that as humans we each have our own personal bias.
*snickers briefly*
You realize that while you and I will understand what I just said... most everyone else will scratch their head and say it made no sense.
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kara479
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Jun 27 @ 7:59AM
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I would have to say there are 2 reasons why you get no response one is most definitly your picture and the second is the attitude that you put forth in your essays which is that you are better than the rest and so unique that if someone doesn't get your humour, they then must have no sense of humour. Nobody likes a know it all men and women both so if you start a blog dedicated to all the bleating sheep you need lessons in socialization COME DOWN OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE and you need to drastically lower your standards or you will never find someone on your own level
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str8ngr84u2
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Jun 27 @ 8:24AM
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I found this amusing. Perhaps it is because I know you on a different level than most. Had I not known you and came across your profile I may have thought like Kara479. I really am unsure, because I have the bias of already knowing your sick twisted sense of humor--of course I mean that in the best possible way....LOL
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ShadowsAngel
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Jun 27 @ 8:34AM
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your sick twisted sense of humor
Now str8... that sick and twisted sense of humor is one of the best things about him. A whole lot of people don't "get" his humor... but then a whole lot of people don't "get" Monty Python and Benny Hill either.
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wtxman
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Jun 27 @ 8:40AM
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Fuck em all that don't like what you have to say,including myself. You have every right to be here.
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rjthechef
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Jun 27 @ 9:00AM
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well if this was humour it was directed at anybody who knows him those who do not only see what i saw, and although i didn't like the attitude, i never said anything about his right to express it here or anywhere
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NachoBaby
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Jun 27 @ 10:03AM
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Baaaaaa... er.. I mean.. so you do social profiling then? And if we don't measure up then we are sheep? I can take that I reckon. I've been called much worse than sheep in my lifetime.
I get your humor. I get your sick twisted version of reality. Perhaps because my sick twisted version of reality runs somewhat parallel.. but in a whole different vein. It's all relative.
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str8ngr84u2
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Jun 27 @ 1:41PM
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I so agree Angel. I never said it was a bad thing now did I???  Joke em all if they can't take a fuck!!!  hahaha
And for you Handsome--
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Pudge2you
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Jun 27 @ 2:13PM
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I actually liked this one. And yes I know you don't care.
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maggiemae1969
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Jun 27 @ 6:51PM
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hmmmm if you dont care what anyone thinks, and you are sure that most wont understand you , why is it your here? Is it like bringing sheeps to the slaughter for you ? I am interested in knowing what you insights you have gained. 
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maggiemae1969
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Jun 27 @ 6:53PM
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oh wait edit : when I said why are you here , I was not looking for justifications, as you have the same right we all do to be here, I really was interested in knowing "why are you here?" Let me in on the experiment and why it gives you such joy....
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lintroller
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Jun 27 @ 7:21PM
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If I may...
Interesting experiment in the abstract, but A) I'm having trouble figuring out where the joke is, and B) I'm not so sure the descriptions you employed can be properly characterized as "tongue-in-cheek." To me, they come off as supremely cynical, and for that reason, it's hard for me to envision you delivering them in an ironic tone. And because you openly state that none of your experimental profiles feature dishonesty in their substance, it seems fair to conclude that those statements go well beyond the universally humorous and benign gripes men and women have about each other, and into the realm of true discontent with the female gender. Just my own impression.
The concept of this experiment, however, is fascinating. It's potentially a good forum to test the "good guys finish last" hypothesis.
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slicknwet121
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Jul 4 @ 12:16AM
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Amasing, I just love the way your mind works !!
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shellsmack
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Jul 4 @ 1:03AM
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First of all let's acknowledge the fact that Adam was the asshole that broke the rules! He ate the apple that was offered to him...Eve may have given the temptation, but Adam didn't hesitate to take it all the way into his spirit because he was weak. Furthering that into the present of continual assholes that roam the earth.
Shall we start with the tremendous amount of testosterene that floods the world both in daily human activity and in politics...and here? Let's observe that in all reality!
You may do your survey on a scope of many adult sites that draw the lure of the less but idiot species. Stopping you right in your tracks to impress that WE are the human life. But, have you opened your shallow mind to see that individuals involved in these sites are those who have actually lived the life so unflavorable to joys abounding and wealth flowing like honey down their asses? Fact in hand.
You my journalist writer, are very cold and have only a heart for the rich and those who are immensely successful!
I pray God opens your emptiness and let's you see what life it REALLY about!
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shellsmack
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Jul 4 @ 1:07AM
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Sensitivity is not one of your qualities and that is probably one of the #1 traits we all look for in a mate. Hense you, I'm sure, a single, live alone and have no one interested in you because they can sense what all you lack.
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