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I feel bad for my daughter

posted 6/26/2007 8:50:37 PM |
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My daughter has one friend where we live. She lives two houses away from us. I personally don't like the kid. She will only come to visit my daughter when she has no one else to hang around with. Her family has a inground pool. She was at my house for a few minutes today and said something to my daughter about going over to her house to go swimming. My daughter waited all day for her to call only to find out her friend invited another girl over there to swim and of course she didn't invite my daughter. I was a little pissed.

I felt bad for my daughter. I took her to a friend of mine's to swim. When we got back, her friend from down the block was walking with the other girl she had go over there to go swimming. I seen the tears in my daughter's eyes. These kids are only 12 & 13 years old.

I wish I could of taken the pain away. There are many NOT nice things I wanted to say but didn't. If there were other kids in our area it would be different.
There is a public pool near where we live. I took my daughter there one day and dropped her off. She called me after being there for a hour wanting to come home. That place was packed with kids. I asked her how come? She said none of the kids there would talk to her.
They have their little clicks and never invite my daughter to hang out with them.

So far this summer she has been in the house. Unless I take her swimming. I took her fishing a few times. I try to do things with her everyday. But I am also trying to find a job. We can't do much without extra money.

I would like to take the kid from down the block and tell her off. She is a spoiled little brat.

My child has went to the school here for 4 years now and NOT one kid there wants to be friends with her. There is nothing wrong with my daughter except she wants friends. That won't treat her like shit.
If I could I would move away from this area. The people here are snobs. They are no better than anyone else

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Jun 26 @ 8:56PM  
That really sucks especially when they are that young. My kids were raised on a farm so they didnt participate in alot of school activities so unfortunately they didnt have alot of friends. They were fortunate tho my brothers kids were about the same age so they did have kids to hang around with. I hope things get better for her.

Jun 26 @ 9:03PM  
yea my daughters went through some of the same kind of stuff.........middle school (6, 7, 8th grade) was the worst.......all the kids hormones are raging and they can be very hurtful.......hell some days i thought my daughters hated me too..........just be there for her and hopefully things will get better in high school when all the hormones are settled in better........

Jun 26 @ 9:12PM  
Luv I am not a parent and I do not pretend to be. The best I can say is my heart feels for your daughter and you.

I am a openly gay transgender ... I came out when I was 14 and still in high school. From 7th grade through 10th grade I had very few friends. I ate lunch alone. Young kids are tough and hard on each other and they have not gotten any better over the years. If any thing they have gotten worse with each other.

I did not find friends until my juniour year. I wore designer clothes at the time, my hair style was the latest, I knew the music and the in place to be and made my appearances. I dated a senior from my high school and flirted with many guys. I became the opposite of whom I was and then the other kids wanted to be my friend and involve me. I did not sit at lunch alone and everyone said hi and crowded at my locker.

What I learned from that ... they were not friends by any means. Next year is my 20 year reunion and I fight with the choice do I want to go or not each day.

Sometimes the hardest part of being whom we are is learning to be independent and sometimes be alone. It is a shame that today children have to learn these lessons very early on.

You can talk with the parents, the kids, the school ... won't help much. Sad fact is that your daughter has to walk this walk alone ... and you get to stand back and watch and let her know your love and support are there for her.

I wish sometimes back then I would have just stayed true to me and alone those last few years and not become a shadow of whom I was to impress people whom really did not care about me in order to call them friends and to hear them call me a friend ... makes one question in this life what and whom a friend truly is?

I wish you and your daughter the best for the future ... and honestly your daughter does not need friends like the girl next door ... she deserves better than that.

Always with Luv,
Ms. Eva

Jun 26 @ 9:13PM  
unfourtunatly kids can be VERY cruel............

what more can we say?? most ? of us dealt with this to some degree or another .......

Jun 26 @ 9:15PM  
Poor kid. i understand we always hurt with our kids....

Jun 26 @ 9:43PM  
Hello. I have a hearing impared daughter that the kids in this area treat the same way.
An idea for You is take your Daughter to an animal shelter and get her a pet to play with and take care of and she will be a little happer. I took my Daughter to one myself.She found a Dalmation and I ended up with the brother to this dog now we have two.
Just an Idea for You to think about.

Jun 26 @ 10:03PM  

I know how you and her must feel.
We have all, or mostly all have been
through simalar things.
Kids can be so cruel at times.

Jun 26 @ 10:35PM  
It's so hard at that age... I am watching my nephew (who just finished 6th grade) go through something similar. He and my sister live with my parents, and he very rarely has friends from school come to visit, even though my folks' place is the one with the pool. My nephew is a great kid, but he is a little immature for his age and has been diagnosed with ADHD.

I, too, went through the 'loner' stage between 6th and 8th grade. In 8th grade I did not participate in any extra-curricular activities, including a dance and a class trip to Baltimore. My Mom tried talking to the teachers/principal, who in turn talked to the class, and things only got worse. Kids are cruel at that age, but the good news is that many, if not most, do outgrow it.

The summer between grade school and high school (between 8th and 9th grade since I went to Catholic school) I made a pact with myself that I would reach out to new kids when I started the school year. From day 1 I introduced myself, compared schedules, and made some great friends, most of which had been through similar 'middle-school' years experiences. We were the loners, but in high school we found each other and stuck like glue, and I still keep in touch with several of them nearly 20 years later.

What got me through the rough years was knowing that I had my parents' support no matter what.


Jun 26 @ 10:43PM  
My son is multi-handicapped, but was a great kid, it took special children to be friends with him. he didn't really have friends until a couple of years ago, while it hurt him a lot, he did eventually find some very special friends who accept him for who he is, not what he is. Hopefully she will find that too.

Jun 26 @ 10:54PM  
Okay, I know this may be a little contradictory for this site but one of the best social networks out there for all ages is CHURCH. I have always been the type of kid that would immediately become friends is someone new to the school because I always wished I could be new to a school, but alas I was but a townie, born and raised in the same town, never even moved houses.
I really hit my social height in Junior High when my family switched churches from a small 200-person church to one that had 2500 to 5000 go through its doors every weekend, not taking into the count Holidays.
When I started making really good friends that I could depend on and still am able to depend on was from my bible study group that the church organized so that every group would only be 10-12 people strong, and in reality only 6-8 people would attend meetings on the regular basis.
Don't let one church turn you against them all. There are churches out there aren't fake and won't judge (hard to believe, I know). Another good thing is if she doesn't agree w/the Christians then at least she can practice her argumentation skills by defending her own beliefs and convictions.

Jun 27 @ 12:27AM  
My oldest daughter is 11 and she went through this last cheerleading season with the girls on the team. She has no problems with making friends in school but for some reason the cheer team was not very friendly to her. This was her first year with them and most of the girls knew eachother from the year before so they had groups of friends they liked already. It was hard seeing my daughter cry because the other girls were mean to her or ignored her. I had to take this child to the competetions and watch her sit alone with her team and have nobody to talk to or to play with while they waited. That was so hard. I could see her face and see how miserable she was untill she got on stage with them.My daughter loves cheer;eading so much and when she is on stage she is bright smiles the whole time. I talked to her several times and asked her if she wanted to go to a different team or stop she could and I would not be mad. You know what, she refused to quit the team and she wants to go back again this cheer season. I did talk to her coach one night after my daughter was crying hard and holding onto me tight. It did help some because the coach told the girls you can't be mean to the other teammates as your one team and work together and whatever else she said. My daughter is now looking forward to joining them again this year. I would suggest trying to find something she can do that won't cost you anything. There are cheer teams if your daughter likes that, that will not cost you anything or some that do fundraisers to pay for it. Is there a YMCA around you? They usually have some programs and I don't think they cost much or at all if you can't afford it. I am not positive on that though. Find out what your daughter would like to do and good luck with it.

Jun 27 @ 5:32AM  
I know exactly what you and your daughter are going through!!! It's the main reason my Mom bought my Daughter a Pool!! There are 2 sisters that live 2 houses down from my Mom, they are the only 2 girls on the street. Last summer they would invite my daughter down to swim in their pool, my Mom would put sunscreen all over my daughter and off she'd run down there to go swimming only for my Mom to hear her crying a few minutes later!!! After she went down there, they said NO, You can't swim with Us!!! Mean Little Girls they are and their Parents allow it!!! So this summer my daughter has a much bigger pool to swim in and they want to swim in it even though they still have their little pool and guess what, they aren't allowed in it!! That's mean they will also be watching my Daughter's Birthday Swim Party from their Backyard as they are not invited! If they want to mean they can be mean to each other!! I know it's hard on my daughter, but I would rather her be "bored" alone then begging those girls to play with her!!

Jun 27 @ 8:38AM  
I can understand exactly what you and your daughter are going through, my daughter and I are going through the same situation. And every time something happens that upset my daughter it just tears me to pieces. Recently my daughter and I started attending a church and she has made a couple of friends there and she is very happy with it. This week actually she is attending church camp, she was very excited about it. I have talked to my daughter about the way the kids and adults are in the town we live in , because we arent orginally from here, and the only advice I could give her was just be herself, its not her fault if the wont accept her. The big thing with small towns are who is related to who, and who has the newest of everthing. But that doesnt matter. Love and understanding is what matters the most. My daughter knows that I love her more than anything in the world, and when she hurts I hurt. She also knows that I would move heaven and earth to come to her aid. That is a mom's job. Just let you daughter know that if they dont want to accept her as a friend then that is their loss.

Jun 27 @ 9:03AM  

I want to say THANKS for you help, advice, and experiences. I had tears in my eyes after reading comments.
My daughter does belong to a church but they don't have anything for kids during the summer.
That girl from down the block had better not come to my house I will end up telling her off. I am sick of her crap. She thinks she is better than anyone else.
My daughter tried to play in sports where she goes to school. They treated her the same way there.
Last school year she would come home crying because one girl on her bus was always picking on her. Saying mean things to her. That one moved away.

I went to the school a couple of times and had a talk with the guidence counselor. That didn't work either.

This town sucks. It is so small with nothing to do.
I wish I could take her away from all the snobby people. My child was not raised to be like that.


Jun 27 @ 9:23AM  
Kids are unbelievably awful. What makes it worse are a few things. The ones treating badly have no idea the extent of the damage, the ones being treated badly usualy have no idea why and make it harder on themselves by wanting acceptance more and winding up more confused then the effect on some later as adults can be life altering. I was never accepted by any group for no real reason and drowned in the sadness of it as a child but now that I am grown I can understand more and it all somehow carries over into my interaction with others. The main thing I have learned is a purpose in what you do. Everything else follows.and its a whole new world. Couple examples are I joined the reserves - whole new direction and a very big group purpose along with the best friends I will ever make in my entire life. One other thing that comes along with it is a position of being an outstanding individual doing something above the rest and I enjoy that so even at 38 years old I still play the little town games where you walk by an old classmate and they pretend not to recognise you but I see it as funny and a little sad instead of carrying it with me for days, weeks or months. I know it applies in a wierd way but the theory is all the same. My youngest son, same shit and got an interest in a high school auto class now he has a completely different existence. And dont forget the busier you are the less you just plain dont sweat the small stuff. Best of luck, I know how hard it is to be a teen and be a parent of two.

Jun 27 @ 10:43AM  
yeah I remember I was shy thru till about 9th grade!!! Give her time shit changes as we get older and the little &*^%$ realize what a friend they could have! Then SHE will choose who she wants to hang with!

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I feel bad for my daughter