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Rumors, Lies and Innuendo XVI Part One

posted 6/24/2007 7:41:03 PM |
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tagged: whig
  DickSlippery

Despite the fact that I said I wuzn’t going 2 write multi-part blogs anymore (if U recall I also said I wuzn’t going 2 wear women’s underwear or J/O 2 Sesame Street anymore, either. What can I tell U, kid…one out of three still has me batting .300, right? Fuck it…if this wuz baseball I’d be in the All-Star Game! I’m doing 3x better than the national felony conviction rate, fer crying out loud! So fuck U if U think I’m doing something wrong, motherfuckers! Matter of fact…don’t even read this blog. I don’t fucking want U 2. Just stop right here where U are and go on 2 the next one. Don’t leave me no comments, and don’t give me any goddamn kudos. If U do I am just going 2 throw them away. Are U fucking happy now? Well, are U? Goddamnit, Answer me! Are U???

Although it wuz nearly fourteen hours later, DickSlippery wuz still feeling somewhat of a buzz as he opened his eyes from the six-pack of Coor’s Light he had chased with a bottle of Jack Daniels and four Kamikazes the night before. Once he realized that indeed, he wuz actually alive and quite honestly not nearly as hungover as one might expect 2 be under similar circumstances, he began 2 ascertain his whereabouts, while simultaneously trying 2 piece 2gether the jumbled mess that wuz his memory of the previous evening’s festivities. He remembered the booze, and the bartender. That fucking hottie that wuz checking him out while he shot stick. But he couldn’t remember anything about this room or the bitch lying unconscious next 2 him in the bed...

I’ll fucking bet U wanna fucking know who she iz, huh? And what about the bitch from the bar? U think she may show up again? Iz it possible that we already know her? Stay tuned as these and other questions will be answered! As The Crow Flies…

This just in from the “Are U fucking Kidding Me with this Bullshit” department: Police in Pa. are absolutely baffled by what they are calling the most diabolical villain 2 come their way in quite some time. Nicknamed the Bare-Bottom Bandit by the FBI, this dangerous fugitive has already been credited with eight bank robberies over a sixteen month period. She got her nickname due 2 the fact that she always disrobes as she is robbing the bank. This usually causes even more pandemonium, and also serves 2 reduce witness descriptions 2 something 2 the effect of, “I don’t know what she looked like! She wuz fucking naked, man! She wuz blonde…and she wuz acting kinda dumb B4 she took her clothes off. I remember thinking 2 myself, ‘What a dumblonde.’ But once that gun came out and those clothes came off, she didn’t look dumb no more! Hell, no…that bitch wuz straight lillin, folks!” In at least three of the robberies, the suspect has taken a male hostage when she left the scene. On each of these occasions the hostage wuz released a few hours later, unharmed and exhausted. All three refused 2 give a statement against their kidnappers. Although no pictures of the suspect exist at this time, we were able 2 obtain this artist rendering of the bare bottom of the Bare-Bottom Bandit. Click HERE 2 examine it. We will keep U apprised of any changes in this story as soon as we have them. We now return U 2 Ur regular programming…

Ok…check this out. Fucking Looking4funat45 iz trying 2 blackmail me N2 mentioning her in my blog! She fucking tells me in a not-so-fucking subtle e-mail that if I don’t feature her in my next blog, she won’t be mentioning me at all in her Weekly Blog Review. Well…as I am sure U all realize, my back wuz against the fucking wall on this one. Without a mention in her weekly review who would know 2 read my blog at all? This wuz just terrible! I offered her money. She said no. I offered 2 let her sit on my face 4 an entire hour. After forty-five minutes she said no. The only option I have now iz 2 offer her my body in exchange 4 a mention in her blog. Ok…U drive a hard fucking bargain, bitch, but if U want U can get Dick slippery. If that’s not good enough then I don’t know what 2 tell U, Looking4funat45, becuz I can tell U this fucking much right now! There iz no fucking way she iz going 2 blackmail me N2 mentioning her in my blog! Not 2day, not 2morrow, not a fucking chance! U better send me some titty pics B4 U come up in here demanding shit, girl! Matter of fact…U got me mad now! U gonna have 2 send titty and ass pics! Either that, or I may never mention Looking4funat45 in my shit…


END OF PART ONE – PART TWO 2 BE POSTED SHORTLY. I know I said I wuzn’t gonna do the multi-part blog anymore, but it turns out I am a lot more comfortable lying about this shit than one might imagine. And whereas I wuz keeping them 2 a single part 4 wtxman’s sake, he threw that shit out the window when he got in the fucking way of me and some Australian HHHs. U wanna play hardball, buddy? Iz that what we gonna do? Aight then…U come check out Part Two and I we’ll see whose playing hardball then, U fucking drunk…

Keeping U posted...

DS

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Comments:

post a comment!

Ewe_Wish

Jun 24 @ 7:51PM  
Ok…check this out. Fucking Looking4funat45 iz trying 2 blackmail me N2 mentioning her in my blog! She fucking tells me in a not-so-fucking subtle e-mail that if I don’t feature her in my next blog, she won’t be mentioning me at all in her
Weekly Blog Review. Well…as I am sure U all realize, my back wuz against the fucking wall on this one. Without a mention in her weekly review who would know 2 read my blog at all? This wuz just terrible! I offered her money. She said no. I offered 2 let her sit on my face 4 an entire hour. After forty-five minutes she said no. The only option I have now iz 2 offer her my body in exchange 4 a mention in her blog. Ok…U drive a hard fucking bargain, bitch, but if U want U can get Dick slippery. If that’s not good enough then I don’t know what 2 tell U, Looking4funat45, becuz I can tell U this fucking much right now! There iz no fucking way she iz going 2 blackmail me N2 mentioning her in my blog! Not 2day, not 2morrow, not a fucking chance! U better send me some titty pics B4 U come up in here demanding shit, girl! Matter of fact…U got me mad now! U gonna have 2 send titty and ass pics! Either that, or I may never mention Looking4funat45 in my shit…
Shit, I just said a mention, just a fucking mention, not a whole damn paragraph now i suppose You want videos too!!! By the way i would have said yes after the hour of sitting on your face but realized after 45 minutes realized i could do better by bribery of those coveted kudos
DesertSmile

Jun 24 @ 8:25PM  
Children...children..play nicely and send him the damn titty pics and the video!
wtxman

Jun 25 @ 9:40AM  
Bro,sorry about the Austrailian HHH's; they did however want a man that could keep it up for more than a minute. Maybe if you cut back on you self medications,you might have had a chance with them. But know this,while we were fucking and sucking all night,I was thinking that I do owe you one,so here is a demented kudo for you. I really don't give a shit what you do with it.

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Rumors, Lies and Innuendo XVI Part One