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Somebody, Anybody, H E L P!

posted 6/21/2007 11:28:20 AM |
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  Pudge2you

I just don't get it.

I've been on this site for 28 years and still to this day no one has responded to me.

I mean when I first joined right after getting my passkey to the Internet directly from Al Gore, I got my account here. Of course then the place was known as ADD. (Adult Ditz Doctor) The tagline was, "A 100% Free Ham Sandwich and Levitation Site." Within mere days of joining my ham sandwich arrived in the mail, hermetically sealed for my protection of course, only the best for us early adopters.

But ever since then I've tried to levitate. I've chatted with bots about levitation. I've winked at everyone trying to find someone who is into levitation. I've thouroughly filled out a profile making it perfectly clear that although I am married, I am indeed interested in levitation.

I tried e-mailing every single female profile on the site, and every single new female profile that comes on, "Hey I'm pudge, wanna levitate?" I've started on the men now too, why the fuck not?

I particularly like the profiles with the minimum 3 questions filled out and the very very pretty pictures. Those gals always respond to me, they always want me to e-mail them somewhere else though.... hmmm I wonder if there's A FUCKING PATTERN HERE!!!!? (Dipshits.)

So I ask you... Every stinking one of you... Why when it says free levitation site can I not find a woman who will levitate with me, or talk about levitation, or respond to my incessant requests for levitation. I have not read a single blog that reflects this desire for levitation that I have, so I'm quite positive that I am completely unique in getting the big NADA on the whole levitation thing.

By the way I'm going to edit all comments so I don't look like a stupid fucker when someone tells me levitation isn't actually possible and I should get real. Get real yourself I just know my tactics are fucking FLAWLESS and it's all you haters that simply don't wanna levitate. Why are you here anyway??? Fucking gravity followers...

(This blog is gonna work.... this blog is gonna work... this blog is gonna work... I just know it's gonna work I can feel the adoration pouring over me.... I'm getting lighter already I just know it....)

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Comments:

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PrincessKissy

Jun 21 @ 11:32AM  
*blows wind up Pudge's ass to help him float*

Wanna levitate??
NachoBaby

Jun 21 @ 11:33AM  
***rises six inches above the chair*** levitation is impossible! Hey baby.. wanna float?
PrincessKissy

Jun 21 @ 11:34AM  
If so, email me at {email address removed}
Pudge2you

Jun 21 @ 11:36AM  
Oooooo let me copy that address down!!! Hey, is there a bit of a draft in here?
Ewe_Wish

Jun 21 @ 11:39AM  
Puts a whole new outlook on the term wanna get high?


Pudge, I as of this date, have emailed you 75 1/2 times, (the half was when i ran out of my quota of free emails and is still pending on my hard drive) wanna fuck emails and as of this date you havent opened any of them.
Pudge2you

Jun 21 @ 11:41AM  
Huh? You can fuck here? That's news!
baldbychoice2kx

Jun 21 @ 11:50AM  
Well, damn it all. I thought all this talk of levitation was heresay and urban legend.
swyeter

Jun 21 @ 12:05PM  
Pudge, I think part of your problem is that looking4funat45 started a rumor that when you levitate it only raises 3 inches.
Pudge2you

Jun 21 @ 12:06PM  
See... Like a guy that wears all that metal can rise at all!! Gravity lover!
Ewe_Wish

Jun 21 @ 12:06PM  
Pudge, I think part of your problem is that looking4funat45 started a rumor that when you levitate it only raises 3 inches.
No swyeter I said that about you and its the truth
tetons

Jun 21 @ 12:11PM  
hang in there pudge. there are some good levitators on this site. you just have to beleive. don't let the naysayers get you down. if levitation weren't possible, why would there be a leitation website? i rest my case.
bandengor

Jun 21 @ 12:33PM  
OFFICIAL STATEMENT

Levitation is not real. It has never been real, or at any time will it ever become real. Any sightings or mass sightings of levitation are wholly the product of hallucinations.


Signed


*** Top Secret Unnamed Government Organization ***

P.S. Please ignore the black cars with tinted windows that follow you everywhere. We are not watching you.
Pudge2you

Jun 21 @ 12:40PM  
Damn straight you'e not!! Not since I got the tinfoil up anyway!
ladybootscooter

Jun 21 @ 2:22PM  
P.S. Please ignore the black cars with tinted windows that follow you everywhere. We are not watching you.
Did someone say M.I.B.??? Where?? Do they have Tommy Lee Jones with them???
DickSlippery

Jun 21 @ 4:28PM  
This fucking guy KILLS me!

And I think U know how often I give those away, U fuck. BTW, levitation and being light in the loafers iz not quite the same thing, but thank U 4 playing and please accept this year's supply of baked beans as a consolation prize.


DS
Looking4ever

Jun 21 @ 4:42PM  
Fucking, Lintroller! He was supposed to keep the drug cabinet locked and GUARDED!
wtxman

Jun 21 @ 4:44PM  
Well my young grasshopper,I have come back briefly to hold your fucking hand again,but I swear by all that is evil and bad in me, this is the last fucking time!!!

Remember the ruby slippers you have? Just put them on, then click your heals together three time while repeating: I want to levitate,I want to levitate,I want to levitate; it's that simple dumbass!!! Oh and a demented kudo for you.
lintroller

Jun 21 @ 6:34PM  
typical newbie. I don't know how many times we can explain this to the uninitiated, pudge, but levitation sites are just hype. Now if it's free sex that you're looking for, I hear that's not much of an issue around here.

Fucking, Lintroller! He was supposed to keep the drug cabinet locked and GUARDED!

All right, all right, I'm sorry! But if I'm going to work 95-hour weeks, I think it's only fair to ask that I spend a significant portion of the other 73 asleep or taking snack breaks. It takes a village, Bright-Eyes!
maggiemae1969

Jun 21 @ 7:03PM  
28 yrs and ya still have not made the "clique" the "inner circle" OMG...... it maybe time to give it up ......
jezzarae

Jun 21 @ 8:09PM  
Pudge darling you can come levitate with me any time you want. I have enough hot air for both of us.
krankerup

Jun 21 @ 9:00PM  
I clicked my heals three times, did a turn and sent your email right back Pudg!! I'm not into levithan men....big moster heads scare me..as do flyig monkeys..I only want the ham never got..not even on xmas!! Flippin place!! Some for all guess...now I'm getting these emails from other asking about lookin at TV---I don't own,or want a TV --do you? We’re out of the wood, we’re out in this field of …of Poppies I think. Is it, is it …I think it is …the TV's on Fritz again and all I see is snow.
BusterHymen345

Aug 24 @ 9:13AM  


Fucking gravity followers

oh, I'm sure these people would describe themselves as "down to earth"

good blog!

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