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I'm Just a Lineman 4 the County...

posted 6/19/2007 5:28:35 PM |
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  DickSlippery

I'm not going 2 go so far as 2 suggest that life iz preordained (why, 2 even consider such foolishness iz practically heresy anyway...), but it occurs 2 me that life has a way of letting U know when it iz time 2 move on (here in Cali we call it death...). That part iz normal enough. U are just hanging out, going about Ur day, doing Ur little nine-2-five shuffle, when all the sudden Ur ticket gets fucking punched. BAM - that's it, fool...Ur fucking done. Turn in Ur badge and get the fuck out of here. Can't nobody do shit 4 U...cuz, it's Ur time 2 go, right? I hope U packed light, motherfucker, cuz U can't take that shit with U nohow! Didn't U read the fucking manual, Goddamnit?

Conversly, if 4 some reason it iz not Ur time 2 go, it pretty much duzn't matter what the fuck happens 2 U, U ain't going nowhere! U can get shot, stabbed, bazookaed...whatever the fuck floats Ur boat, and STILL Ur ass will not die! There wuz this one bitch that jumped out of a fucking airplane and her main chute didn't open properly, then her back-up got all tangled up in something, and long story short, the bitch basically fell 4 10,000 fucking feet and hit the ground with an enormous amount of velocity. This bitch even left a fucking crater in the ground where she hit the Earth that wuz like two feet deep. This iz no bullshit...I fucking swear it! Anyways, the bitch wuz released from the hospital like three daze later. All she suffered wuz bumps, bruises and a mild concussion. After fucking falling damned near two fucking miles all she had wrong with her wuz nothing a few beers and a bowl load or two wouldn't fucking fix! Not her time 2 go.

Or, what about the clown that got N2 an argument with his crazy fucking roommate (I think the guy wuz like in love with him or something, but the roommate wuzn't a cock smoker, so that created a lot of tension in the relationship. Plus, it didn't help any that the guy wuz a fucking looney toon...) and then went 2 bed, right? Well, he wakes up a couple of hours later with this blinding fucking headache! Come 2 find out, while this fool wuz crashed out his crazy fuck of a roommate stuck a crossbow 2 the base of his skull and fired an arrow - point blank - N2 this cat's fucking head! They showed this fool's picture, and U could see the arrow sticking from the back of old boy's head, and then the arrowhead itself wuz sticking out this motherfucker's forehead just above his fucking eyebrow. U could see the point protruding from this cat's head, although it hadn't actually broken the skin! Fucking hardcore, dude! It wuz all quite a fucking trip, I thought.

Another guy wuz shot point blank under the chin and the bullet ricocheted off of one of his teeth and exited out his cheek. Still another wuz shot in the head, stabbed several times in the chest, had his throat slashed and wuz buried alive. This motherfucker dug himself out up of the grave and drove his own damned self 2 the fucking Emergency Room some forty miles away! Or how about the eight motherfuckers that they pulled out of the Potomac when that plane went down in Washington? Or the nineteen motherfuckers that they pulled from the rubble after the Towers came down on top of their asses? It wuzn't their fucking time yet.

And whose 2 say that that iz necessarily such a good fucking thing? I mean, I can't attest 4 the quality of life after having some shit like a skyscraper fall on top of Ur ass, but one has 2 assume it beats the alternative. But, who fucking knows? It could be they are all having a party waiting n Ur dumb ass 2 arrive, while U are keeping busy clinging 2 life in the fucking hospital. All I'm saying iz U had better hope someone unplugs Ur ass soon, cuz Elvis iz about 2 take the stage and he looks just like he did in 1968! This iz Heaven we're talking about, after all...

Keeping U posted

DS

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Comments:

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pleased2meetu

Jun 19 @ 5:34PM  
Wasn't that a Glenn Cambell song? The title of yur blog I mean.
DickSlippery

Jun 19 @ 5:37PM  
I am so pleased that SOMEONE iz paying attention!

DS
Ashinatrix

Jun 19 @ 5:46PM  
Wade Hayes does a mighty fine version too
DickSlippery

Jun 19 @ 5:48PM  
Yeah...but I do mine nekkid!


DS
Ewe_Wish

Jun 19 @ 5:58PM  
I am a lineman for the county and I drive the main road
Searchin' in the sun for another overload
I hear you singin' in the wire, I can hear you through the whine
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line

I know I need a small vacation but it don't look like rain
And if it snows that stretch down south won't ever stand the strain
And I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line

And I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line
ladybootscooter

Jun 19 @ 6:03PM  
Thanks so much! Now I'll have this damn song stuck in my head for hours!!!
ladybootscooter

Jun 19 @ 6:07PM  
and did I mention I can't stand Glen Campbell????
Ewe_Wish

Jun 19 @ 6:08PM  
Yes he is a puss but i remember ray charles did this song too and that was totally awesome.
Ashinatrix

Jun 19 @ 6:12PM  
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Here boots........this'll help!!!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------>Click and enjoy!!!!
Ashinatrix

Jun 19 @ 6:13PM  
and did I mention I can't stand Glen Campbell????

awwwwwwww shit!!!!!!!!!!
geena

Jun 19 @ 6:24PM  
reason why I'm fuckin' stone in love with this motherfucker he brings color to shit I don't even know exist
pleased2meetu

Jun 19 @ 6:48PM  
But Ray Charles never "had" Tanya Tucker,at least not to my knowledge.
Ewe_Wish

Jun 19 @ 7:07PM  
But Ray Charles never "had" Tanya Tucker,at least not to my knowledge
Thats true but the only talent glen cambell ever had was tanya tucker.
NachoBaby

Jun 19 @ 11:19PM  
I unno ol Glen could make that face.. you know the I can lick my eyebrows face?

Right.. hold my ticket will ya? I'm not ready to go..
DickSlippery

Jun 19 @ 11:22PM  
What if I promise 2 spend my time licking something other than my goddamned eyebrows? That change ur mind any, U peculiar fucking bitch?

DS
Ewe_Wish

Jun 19 @ 11:25PM  
I unno ol Glen could make that face.. you know the I can lick my eyebrows face?
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I'm Just a Lineman 4 the County...